All These Years
by Pr0fessi0nal-Fangurl
Summary: What if Felicity and Oliver had been dating since the eighth grade and a week before Graduation Felicity looses both of her parents n a tragic car accident? Five years later after being separated for 5 years Felicity is back in Starling City after another tragic event. What happens when she has to face Oliver for the first time? AKA The Pop-Star AU that no one asked for.
1. Chapter 1

"_Your grief path is yours alone, and no one else can walk it, and no one else can understand it."_

-Terri Irwin

Oliver walked into Carter Bowens house to hear the music blaring and a throng of bodies on the dance floor moving to the beat of the song. He took a deep breath and scrunched his nose at the smell, sweat and alcohol. He sighed as he looked around trying to find her, all he wanted was to spend the night with his girlfriend. Take her out on a date like they used to, spend some quality time with her like before...before everything happened. He wanted them to have one last night before he left tomorrow for University and things changed forever.

He didn't see her when he first walked in so he made his way towards the kitchen knowing that she was probably there with Tommy and Sara getting drunk or high. He didn't know who she is anymore, all she ever wanted to do was party and she didn't seem like she was going to slow down anytime soon.

He saw her the moment that he walked into the kitchen, looking absolutely gorgeous and radiant, but he knew better. He knew that she looked like this because she was more than likely high and that was why she was all smiles and nothing more.

"Baby! You're here!" When Felicity saw him her eyes lit up and she pushed through the crowd of people to get to him as if she knew that he was coming. She threw herself at him, draping herself over him, he caught her not wanting her to fall. She reeked of tequila and sweat, the smell nearly made him throw up from the intensity of it. He pushed her off of him enough so that he could get a good look at her, her pupils were completely dilated and he could see the residue under her nose from the cocaine that she had most likely been snorting with the rest of them.

"Did you forget about our date? I went to your aunts and you weren't there, she said that you went out with Sara and Tommy. Felicity this needs to stop, I get that you have been hurting but this is not the way to fix it. Drinking and drugs are just going to numb the pain but they won't help you heal." Oliver was trying his best not to get angry with her because he knew that she was in an immense amount of pain after the accident, but this was becoming too much for even him to handle. He didn't think he had much patience left for her.

Felicity took a step back and the smile on her face fell slightly trying to understand what he was saying, she seemed to sober up almost instantly at the implications of the double meaning behind everything.

"What are you saying? I'm sorry that I missed our date it slipped my mind, Sara said that Carter was having a party and I wanted to go out one last time with the gang before we leave next week for LA." She tried to reason with him and make him see that it was an accident and that she would do better next time.

"What about me? Don't I deserve to spend some time with you before I leave tomorrow? Felicity I have barely seen you this summer, between you working and me shadowing my dad before I leave for college and recently with you partying every chance you get...I don't know how much longer I can deal with this. I have tried to understand and reason with you but I'm done. You are being reckless with your life and you don't even seem to care, instead of spending time together I am worrying about whether or not I am going to lose you because you are going to get behind the wheel and crash your car." Oliver took a deep breath not realizing that the entire kitchen hand got eerily quiet as they all listened in on the fight that was about to start.

Felicity's eyes began to water from anger, how dare he come here and embarrass her like this and in front of all of their friends. She was really trying hard not to break down in front of everyone because if Oliver left too then she really wouldn't have anyone. Felicity swiped at her cheeks to wipe away the evidence of her tears, she looked around and took a deep steadying breath trying to be rational about this but the high and the alcohol were making it hard for her to focus.

"Can we go somewhere and talk? Please let's not do this here." She was practically begging at this point, she couldn't lose Oliver, he was the only one who believed in her, but maybe that was part of the problem. She didn't believe in herself anymore and was relying on him to do all the work for her.

"There's nothing to talk about Felicity, I love you and I always will but I can't do this anymore. You won't let me in anymore and I have been standing around all summer waiting for this wild child phase to be over with but it doesn't seem like that's going to happen. I understand that losing your parents broke you, I saw it happen and I tried to be there for you but instead of grieving them you decided that drinking and drugs were how you were going to cope with it. I am partially at fault as well because I wasn't completely there for you but I tried to be once I saw how bad this was getting and you just pushed me further away. I don't want to be in your life if this is what it's going to look like, I'm sorry Lis I am; but I can't continue to stand by and watch as you nearly kill yourself every night." Oliver looked down into her eyes and knew that he was breaking her heart and it broke him to know the pain that he was causing her, but he needed to be selfish. He needed to think about what was good for him and watching the love of his life drink herself into oblivion while getting high wasn't good for him, it was killing him inside.

He took a deep breath and gave her a quick kiss to her temple needing that last bit of contact before saying goodbye to her forever. He walked out of the kitchen and out the door needing to get out of that place and to the comfort of his car so that he could cry.

Felicity felt like her whole world was falling apart for the second time that summer, she couldn't breathe and it sounded like she was completely underwater. She couldn't hear anything except for Oliver's words telling her that he was done. That he was leaving her because he couldn't handle watching her live the life that she was living. She took a deep breath and quickly followed him out of the house infuriated about the events of the night and how everything had turned out.

"Oliver! You don't get to just come here and break things off that's not how this works! You promised! After the funeral you _promised _that you would always be here and that you wouldn't ever leave, what happened to the man that I fell in love with? The man who told me that he would never break his promises? Where's that guy?!" She followed him down the long driveway having to run in order to catch up with him. Oliver whirled around to look her in the face not holding anything back.

"That guy disappeared when I had to drive you to the emergency room July 4th because you mixed too much alcohol with Vertigo and _died Felicity!_ Your heart stopped and they had to bring you back, I was there when they told your aunt that you flatlined three times! You don't get to stand here and expect me to watch you try and kill yourself, that's not fair to either of us! You either change this path your on or I'm gone, I can _promise_ you that. I made that other promise to you before you decided to go on this spiral, I made that promise to help you grieve after the accident and help you through it, but you never let me in! I can't help you if you won't let me!" Oliver was practically screaming at this point not being able to hold in his anger, he was angry about everything, but he was mostly angry because he had to let her go, he knew that she wasn't going to change.

"Oh so that's how this is going to go now!? You are going to give me an ultimatum to change or you are gone? I shouldn't have to change who I am for you Oliver! If you loved me then you would accept me for who I am, this is the new me _Ollie." _She practically spit out his nickname, she knew that she was in the wrong but she was just so angry that she wanted to get a rise out of him and hurt him just as much as he was hurting her at the moment.

"No. We both know that this isn't you Felicity, the real you wouldn't avoid any talk about the accident. The real you would actually take the time and put in the work to get better, the real you would actually talk about your parents. The real you would have remembered our date tonight because I leave tomorrow for Harvard and we won't be seeing much of each other. The real you would take one look at you right now and be _disgusted_ with the way that you are acting."

Without even thinking Felicity slapped Oliver as hard as she could across his face shocking both of them. The second after she had done it she wished that she could take it back, she gasped and covered her mouth with both her hands the one that had hit Oliver throbbing from the pain. Oliver looked over at her not even being able to comprehend what had just happened, he didn't know who this girl was anymore. He didn't recognize one thing about her anymore, she was a completely different person.

He rubbed his cheek knowing that there was going to at least be a bruise there. He couldn't even begin to comprehend the changes that he was witnessing her go through before his eyes.

"Oliver...I'm-" She began to apologize but he cut her off.

"Don't. I don't know who you are anymore...If you decide that you actually want to change, then you know where I'll be tomorrow, but I'm done. I need to think about my future and if this is the new you then I don't think that you can be apart of that future." Oliver took one last look at her before turning his back on her and walking away and finally letting his tears run down his face. He couldn't believe that this was happening, he always thought that they could make it through anything, but maybe that was teenage dreams and being naive.

Felicity stood there and watched him walk away from her, but she couldn't see him for long between the tears and the darkness of the night. She collapsed to the ground barely feeling the gravel biting into her knees and she sat there and sobbed barely being able to catch her breath. At that moment the only person that she needed to help her through this was Oliver, ironically, he was the only person that would have been able to help her get over him.

He was her best friend, he had been since the fourth grade, they were inseparable ever since that one day on the playground that he defended her against the older kids because she was smaller and smarter than all of them. She had loved him nearly her entire life, they had been together since eighth grade and now here they were five years later...this is not how she pictured their future turning out. They had been talking about getting engaged and wondering how they were going to make it work long distance, but they had been through so much worse that they thought they would be able to make it work, until the accident happened.

Her parents and her were coming home from dinner celebrating her graduation, she was walking across that stage to receive her high school diploma in a week and she couldn't wait to move to LA and start her music career. They were driving through what seemed to be an empty intersection on a green light when they were suddenly t-boned by a drunk driver running a red light. He hit them on the drivers side killing her dad instantly, it caused the car to start flipping over and over making Felicity's stomach dropped like she was on a roller coaster before she even realized what was happening. The car was stopped when it hit a telephone pole on the passenger's side. Everything happened so quickly that Felicity wasn't able to process what was happening until it was all over with.

Felicity and her mom were rushed to the hospital where they underwent multiple surgery's, however Felicity was the only one who made it out with her life that night. She woke up in a hospital room with her aunt and Oliver at her side, not even knowing that either of her parents were dead. Oliver was the one who broke the news to her, that was the moment that her life was turned on its axis.

She had to miss graduation in exchange for getting open heart surgery to insure that she would make it through the night. She spent the first week or so in the hospital in a drug induced haze because her body couldn't handle the constant stress that the grief was causing her. Whenever she would wake up she was hit with a tidal wave of grief and her heart rate would skyrocket. On the morning of her graduation her grief was so unbearable that it caused her to have a heart attack. She was in the hospital for another week before her doctors finally felt comfortable discharging her into her aunt's care.

The grief of losing her parents and being the only one to walk away from that crash had sent her into a spiral that she didn't even realize she was on until now when it was too late. She never thought something could hurt as much as losing her parents but this nearly equalled that pain, she felt like her chest was being ripped in two.

She didn't know how long she hand been sitting there sobbing until suddenly she felt hands on her shoulders and turned around to see Tommy and Sara not too far behind him. Felicity sank into his arms and just sobbed wishing that she could take everything back, she wanted to turn back time and not push Oliver away. She wished that she hadn't taken advantage of the time that she had with him.

"I can't lose him too, I can't survive losing him too, I won't make it." She sobbed into Tommy's chest as he held her and gently rocked her back and forth hoping to help her calm down, Tommy hadn't seen her like this since her parent's funeral, the only difference was the last time she was collapsed in Oliver's arms instead of his.

"Come on, let's get you home to sleep this off." Tommy stood with her still clutching at his shirt as she sobbed as Sara, the only sober one, followed behind them to her car to drive them back Sara's place to spend the night and sleep this off.

Felicity woke up the next morning with a killer hangover, half from the drinking and the other half from all of the crying that she did well into the morning. She groaned at the sun shining on her face from Sara's bed and slowly sat up and looked around, the first thing that she saw was what time it was and immediately flew out of bed and climbed over Sara to get her phone.

It was 9:30AM, Oliver's train left at 10:30AM, she couldn't miss him. She had to make it there and tell him that she was going to change, she needed to tell him that she loved him and couldn't imagine going through life without him by her side. She needed him to know that she was sorry and that she was going to put in the work and get better.

"Dude! What's with all of the rushing around? It's 9:30AM!" Sara groaned and covered her head with her pillow trying to ignore all of the noise that Felicity was making.

"Oliver's train leaves in an hour and I need to make it there before he leaves to tell him I love him. I can't lose him Sara, I don't think that I will make it through losing him too." Felicity threw on a pair of Sara's jeans and one of her tops that she hoped was clean.

Sara watched her friend desperately running around her room trying to get ready to leave the house to make things right with Oliver and knew that she couldn't let her go and do this alone. Felicity was manic at the moment and Sara wasn't about to let her friend go alone.

"Alright let's go. I'll drive because I don't trust you to drive my car right now." Sara sighed and got up and threw on some random clothes and grabbed her keys and followed Felicity as she ran out of the house.

If it weren't for all of this Sara would have believed that last night was all a really bad dream, trying to picture Oliver and Felicity not together just felt wrong to her. They had always been together, all through high school they had stuck by each other through everything. Everyone thought that they would be together forever, hell they were voted in the yearbook with that same fate. They were the couple that everyone seemed to look up to, they were like a damn fairy tale and now watching Felicity frantically jumping into her car in order to make it to Oliver in time to fix things between them just seemed weird to her and broke her heart.

Sara and Felicity spent the entire ride to the train station in complete silence as Sara navigated her way to the station. Felicity sat in the passenger seat chewing on her nails needing to make it there in time so she could apologize for everything that had happened this past summer. They got to the station by 10:25AM and Felicity jumped out of the car before Sara even made it to a complete stop. She knew what track to go to because her and Oliver had discussed it a week or so beforehand, she sprinted not even caring who she was knocking over in the process. Sara haphazardly followed behind her trying not to lose her in the crowd.

Felicity made it to the track right at 10:30 just to see the train start moving and her heart instantly sank, she didn't make it in time. Oliver got on that train thinking that she didn't love him, he got on that train to leave for Harvard thinking that she didn't want to fix things. Sara was at her side seconds later to see the train leaving the station and to see her best friend break down for the second time in 12 hours.

"Felicity?"

Felicity turned to see Moira standing next to her looking slightly confused, probably wondering why she had just gotten there and why she looked like death warmed over. Moira took a step towards Felicity not having seen the girl since her parents funeral, that whole summer Felicity had hardly ever spent any time at the Queen residence too busy nursing a hangover and getting ready to go out that night again to party her worries away.

"Moira, hi." She didn't have much more to say as she also saw Thea and Robert standing not too far behind her, Felicity wanted to cower inside of herself at how embarrassed she was by how she must have looked.

"Are you alright dear? Oliver wouldn't tell us why you weren't here today, are you feeling alright? We haven't seen much of you this summer we have missed you around the house." Moira said and it took every ounce of control in Felicity not to break down in her arms, she had been like a second mom to Felicity growing up. She didn't think she would be able to break it to them that Oliver had broken up with her the night before, she knew that she wouldn't be able to see the look on their faces when she told them that she screwed everything up.

"I've been better not gonna lie, I just…I wanted to tell Oliver something before he left but it looks like I lost my chance." Felicity knew that there was sorrow and pain written all over her face, there was no way that she could hide this kind of pain behind a smile.

"I'm sure that he knows, you two are so in love, anyone can see that as fact." Moira said trying to comfort Felicity not knowing that she was instead just making the pain worse.

"I'm not so sure that he knows...will you tell him something for me?" Felicity finally looked away from the train that was long gone, instead looking Moira in the eyes needing her to hear what she was saying.

"Of course." Moira didn't even need to think twice about it, she always saw Felicity as a second daughter to her especially when her and Oliver had begun dating.

"Will you just tell him that I am sorry for all the pain I caused him, tell him that I love him and that I hope that he finds someone that can make him as happy as he made me?" Felicity couldn't stop the few tears that fell down her cheeks as she said this, she knew that she was taking the cowards way out by not telling him herself but she just needed him to know.

"Of course. You know whatever happened between you and Oliver that you are always apart of this family, you always will be." It was obvious at that point that the two of them were no longer together and it broke Moira's heart a little bit to know this. She always thought that the two of them would end up getting married one day, but she would support the two of them even if that meant separately.

"Thank you, I appreciate that I really do, you don't know what that means to me." Felicity smiled sadly and looked between the three of them and she felt her heart break again as she was saying goodbye to them. She knew that this might very well be the last time that she sees them all and it felt like she was losing her family all over again.

Thea ran over to Felicity and wrapped her arms around her neck in a bone crushing hug that almost put all of Felicity's broken pieces back together. She hugged her back and took a deep breath and knew that this was the turning point for her, it didn't take much time but she had hit her rock bottom and she knew that she needed to get help. All she wanted at that moment was a hit, she wanted to get high and forget all about this pain that she was feeling. She was going to get better, because if she didn't all of this was for nothing, surviving that crash and getting a second chance at life was all wasted and for nothing. Oliver was right, she was throwing her life away if she didn't get better.

"Don't be a stranger Lis." Thea squeezed her extra tight and Felicity laughed as a few more tears ran down her face and she nodded, she would keep this promise unlike every promise she made to Oliver that she had broken this past summer.

"I promise Speedy, I'll keep you updated on all of my adventures in LA." Felicity pulled back from the hug and smiled at her before giving her a kiss on the forehead.

Felicity looked over at Moira and Robert and gave both of them a hug promising the same thing, to keep them updated on what was going on in her life.

"You're gonna blow the whole world away Felicity Smoak I just know it." Robert whispered in her ear as he kissed her temple and stepped out of the hug, she smiled at him as he sent her a wink as the three of them made their way out of the station.

Felicity turned around to see Sara still standing there smiling sadly at her best friend, she knew how much this was probably killing her, but Sara knew Felicity almost better than anyone and she knew that she was going to make it through this and out the other side.

"Come on girly, let's get home and finish packing so we can just sit on the couch and eat junk food for the next couple of days before we leave for LA." Sara threw her arm around Felicity's shoulder and Felicity leaned on her as they slowly made their way out of the station.

Felicity knew that it wasn't going to be easy but she knew that she could make it through this, she had to, if not for her then at least for her parents. She was going to LA and focus on her music career, all she ever wanted in life was to be a pop-star and now she had nothing holding her back, she would turn all of this pain and sorrow into something. She would write about it and use her music to help her grieve, she wasn't going to waste her life away.

**Five years later**

Felicity collapsed back onto her couch after getting home from yet another photoshoot that her publicist insisted that she do because apparently her career depended on it, Felicity thought that she was being dramatic but she wouldn't fight her on it. She paid her to promote her music career and she was doing a damn good job at it no matter how many annoying reporters Felicity had to talk to.

"The photoshoot couldn't have been that bad, you get paid to promote your new single, that's easy money." Sara commented as she made her way into their living room, Sara fell onto the couch next to her with a bowl of ice cream in her lap.

The two of them made their way out of Starling and right to LA nearly five years ago and they used Felicity's money from her parents to get them a decent house on the outskirts of the city. The money had let the both of them focus on things without having to worry about rent or anything and Felicity would be forever grateful for the opportunity to be able to pursue her dreams.

She had broken into the music industry relatively quickly, they had been out there for two years and suddenly someone heard her demo and instantly loved it wanting to sign her, her career skyrocketed pretty quickly after that. It had taken Felicity the past two years to finally get up the capitol for her record company to want to release an album, now that it was here she seemed to be regretting every decision.

Don't get her wrong she is really happy with how things are going, she's insanely happy, but she is baring her soul in this album. Almost every one of the songs so far were from that first year after Oliver had left her and let her hit rock bottom on her own. They were about missing him and wishing that she still had him in her life, she was still in the process of writing but she had come up on an impasse and was stuck.

"Oh, it definitely is easy money but it's still tiring, I love a makeover just as much as the next girl but it's not as fun as when we would do it in high school." Felicity frowned and stole Sara's spoon taking a bite of her ice cream.

"Hey! If you want some then get your own bowl. What song are you promoting? You left so quickly this morning that I never got the chance to ask you." Sara asked trying to steal back her spoon from Felicity.

"Head Above Water. It's an easy one to talk about considering it's about my addiction. I mean yeah it's difficult to talk about but I want my fans to know that they aren't alone, I want to make a difference somehow." Felicity sighed and relented giving sara back her spoon.

"I give you credit Lis, I don't think I would be able to bear myself the way that you do for everyone to see. But I would also like to point out that I heard your conversation with your publicist the other day. She originally wanted you to promote I Can't Fall In Love Without You, but you wouldn't. Would it happen to be because it about a certain handsome billionaire that we know and you don't want people asking questions?" Sara offered up being completely right but that didn't mean that Felicity was going to give her the satisfaction and admit to it.

"Shut it. You know how hard it was for me after everything, going through rehab was easier than that break up. I still am not over him." Felicity sighed and stared at the TV and absentmindedly watching whatever reality TV garbage that Sara had on.

"Oh trust me I know, I saw your face last week when Thea told you that Oliver and that girl he's dating were getting really serious. Your face looked like your heart broke all over again, you need to go on more dates and get over him, get out there. I get that you still love him but you need to at least try to move on, it's not healthy you just waiting around to be able to get back together with him. He is happy and you need to be happy too, after everything that you have been through you deserve to be happy like that again." Sara looked at Felicity ignoring everything else besides their conversation, she wanted nothing but the best for her best friend, after the past five years she wanted Felicity to be happy like that again.

"I know that I need to move on and I _have _been on dates thank you very much, but there hasn't been anyone worth my time. No one really understands what it's like to be in the music industry and I am _not_ about to date someone in the industry, that's a disaster waiting to happen. I am also not waiting around to get back together with Oliver, that was five years ago and he is happy. That's all that I really wanted for him after everything that I put him through." Felicity turned her body towards Sara and sighed as she took the forgotten bowl of ice cream from her hands and eating it before it completely melted.

"Oh really? Is that why you relapsed when you heard that he had moved on when he brought that girl back from Harvard? What was her name again?" Sara asked knowing that Felicity knew exactly what her name was.

"McKenna." Felicity said almost instantly and knew that she had fallen into her trap.

"That's not fair, you can't bring up my relapse, there were other factors behind that." Felicity said angry that Sara even had the nerve to bring it up, even though she knew that she was right. Hearing that Oliver had brought someone home for Christmas ad broke her and sent her down the rabbit hole once again. Thinking about him being with anyone else seemed to make her heart hurt just as much as the break up did.

"Okay maybe that wasn't fair but am I wrong? You have been heart broken for the past five years ever since you missed that train to tell him how you felt. I have had to stand by and keep my mouth shut because I thought I was helping but I can tell that it wasn't good for you, this isn't healthy."

"Fine! Okay maybe I'm not over him but what does it matter? He has moved on and I have accepted that, I lost my chance and I have to live the rest of my life knowing that." Felicity sighed and took a giant bite of ice cream trying to drown her sorrows in it rather than giving into her true craving.

Sara was about to respond with a witty remark when Felicity's phone started ringing with a request for a FaceTime with Thea. She answered without thinking twice even though their FaceTime dates were normally at five instead of three but Felicity was welcoming the distraction from this brutal talk that her and Sara were currently having.

"Hey Speedy! I welcome the reprieve of talking to you instead of continuing to talk to Sara about my love life or the lack thereof." Felicity said without even looking at the screen, but once she looked down she knew that something was wrong. Thea's eyes were red rimmed like she had been crying and it looked like she was in the waiting room of a hospital, both of the girls had an extremely bad feeling in the pit of their stomachs that something was seriously wrong.

"Thea? What's wrong?" Felicity asked scared of the words that the young girl was going to say next.

"It's dad. We went out to lunch today like we have started doing ever since I moved out and then suddenly he started grabbing at his chest and then he collapsed. He had a heart attack."


	2. Chapter 2

"_Hey Speedy! I welcome the reprieve of talking to you instead of continuing to talk to Sara about my love life or the lack thereof." Felicity said without even looking at the screen, but once she looked down she knew that something was wrong. Thea's eyes were red rimmed like she had been crying and it looked like she was in the waiting room of a hospital, both of the girls had an extremely bad feeling in the pit of their stomachs that something was seriously wrong._

"_Thea? What's wrong?" Felicity asked scared of the words that the young girl was going to say next._

"_It's dad. We went out to lunch today like we have started doing ever since I moved out and then suddenly he started grabbing at his chest and then he collapsed. He had a heart attack."_

"Oh my goodness, is he okay? Did you call your mom and Oliver yet?" Felicity asked, Thea was crying by the end of the explanation and Felicity and Sara were already up and making their way towards Felicity's bedroom, Felicity started grabbing clothes without even thinking about anything else except needing to get to Starling. She needed to go home, if only to see how Thea and Moira were doing, she wasn't about to let her history with Oliver stop her.

"Yeah I called them when it happened, I called you right after because you deserve to know too." Thea sniffled and let out a shaky breath which made Felicity's heart break for the woman, since she had left Starling her and Thea had become really close while FaceTiming every week and Thea even coming and visiting Felicity during her senior year of high school for spring break.

"There's a flight out of LAX in four hours going to Starling." Sara said from Felicity's bed with her laptop looking up flights while Felicity was in her closet gathering a mound of clothes to take with her.

"You don't need to come out, I know that you haven't seen Ollie since…" Thea stopped before even finishing her thought and Felicity thought that this day couldn't get much worse unless someone else mentioned her unresolved feelings about Oliver one more time. She had barely thought about him for the past five years and suddenly all in one day she is bombarded with thoughts about him.

"Nonsense Thea, of course I'm coming and when worse comes to worse I will avoid your brother like he is carrying the bubonic plague." Felicity came out of her closet with an armload of clothes and a duffle bag as she handed her phone over to Sara.

"Alright I have you on the flight I just need your credit card to put it on." Sara said as she looked up at Felicity to see her hurriedly rushing to fold all of the clothes that she was bringing.

"Wait you aren't coming?" Felicity stopped packing with a panicked look on her face, she just assumed that Sara was going to come with her.

"What happened to 'when worse comes to worse I will avoid Oliver like he is carrying the bubonic plague'?" Sara asked laughing at her best friend and how desperate she was for her to come with her to be a buffer.

"Well that was when I thought I was going to have back up, it's easier to avoid him on the pretense of having you there with me." Felicity was practically begging at this point but Sara wasn't going to let up there was no way that she was going to succumb and go on this trip home with Felicity. She loved the Queen's and grew up with them as well but she wasn't close enough to the point that she found it necessary.

"You have a more forgiving job then I do, I can't just pack a bag and leave town. You are doing this, Moria and Robert have basically become surrogate parents for you since the accident and you are going and supporting them end of discussion." Sara said as she got up to get Felicity's credit card and handed the phone to Felicity to continue talking to Thea.

"Sara is right Lissy, they have become your surrogate parents even after everything that happened with you and Ollie they still treat you like a daughter. Don't let him stop you from coming and seeing dad." Thea took a steadying breath and Felicity did the same and nodded knowing that they were both right.

"How bad is it? Is he doing okay?" Felicity asked feeling ashamed that she hadn't even asked.

"The doctors said that it was pretty serious, I'm not sure I couldn't understand all of the medical mumbo-jumbo when the doctor told me. He is in critical condition though so get here quickly before, god forbid, something terrible happens." Thea was in tears again which made Felicity take pause and sit down realizing the gravity of the situation. She didn't want to think about losing yet another parent before she was ready to say goodbye to them.

"I'll get there as quickly as I can. Don't worry about picking me up or anything I'll get a rental car." Felicity went back to her bed and started packing as she propped Thea up on pillow so that she could still see her as she packed.

"No, I'll come and get you from the airport, truthfully I need something to take my mind off of everything that has happened in the past few days. It's been crazy, with the engagement and everything." Thea's eyes went wide once she realized what she had just said, Felicity stopped packing for a few moments to digest the words that had just come out of Thea's mouth. She shook her head trying to clear it of thoughts of Oliver engaged to another woman as she continued packing trying to pretend that she didn't hear what she had just said.

"Alright I'll text you all of my flight info once I get it from Sara." Felicity finished folding the clothes and picked up her phone to get all of her makeup and toiletries from the bathroom still trying to pretend that she didn't hear that Oliver and McKenna had got engaged.

"Felicity you aren't even going to acknowledge what I just said?" Thea asked and Felicity propped her phone up on the sink and sighed pausing for a minute trying to actually digest the information that Oliver really had moved on just like she wished he would. Why was it hurting this much then if this is what she wanted him to do?

"I heard you Thea I just don't think that I can think about it right now. I want him to be happy, I honestly do, I want nothing more than to know that he is happy." eliicty said on baited breath forgetting that she needed to breath for a few seconds.

"You just wish that it was with you...It's okay to want that Felicity, none of us would blame you. We all thought that the only wedding Oliver was going to have was with you."

Felicity took a slow and deep breath trying to not get too emotional from what Thea had just admitted, she knew that Thea didn't mean anything by it and didn't want to hurt her. However thinking about the fact that even all of them thought the same thing made her heart ache to go back in time and change things for herself and Oliver. It felt like she was being stabbed in the chest with the severity of her emotions. She can't go back in time though, things are the way that they are and there was no changing that, she also loved the woman that she had become and she had Oliver to thank for that in a way. If he wouldn't have broken her heart she wouldn't have went through what she did and become the woman that she had.

"If it makes you feel better, none of us really like McKenna, I mean she is nice enough for Oliver but she is so preppy and always trying to impress us and it bugs the crap out of me and mom. We were actually talking the other day about how much she is getting on our nerves, and now with this whole thing with dad she won't stop texting me about getting me things from the apartment and making sure that I am okay. It's a nice gesture but she barely knows my dad and she is acting like its her dad is in the hospital." Felicity could tell that Thea was really annoyed with McKenna but it was not Felicity's place to say anything about her ex boyfriend's fiancee.

"That sounds really rough but I will be there in a few hours though so just avoid her and try not to sock her in the face." Felicity snickered knowing that if the poor woman kept bothering Thea no one would be able to top her if she decides to go off on the woman, she had witnessed the same thing happen plenty of times.

"Don't worry if I am going to sock her in the face I will wait until you get here so that you can witness it." Thea said making Felicity laugh even harder as she finished packing up all of her toiletries and walking back into her room with the bags and her phone in tow.

No matter what happened she always could count on Thea to make her laugh, even if it was at the expense of the poor girl that Oliver was going to marry. Don't get her wrong she was happy for Oliver and she would keep saying that until she was blue in the face or until someone actually believed her when she said those words. Okay yes, she was still completely and irrevocably in love with Oliver, it was hard not to be in love with him after everything that had happened. She had to move on though and maybe this little impromptu trip of hers to Starling would help her to get the closure that she needs.

"Well I am glad that you are showing so much restraint on the subject, don't go around punching people and bruise those pretty hands of yours." Felicity laughed as Sara walked back into the room with Felicity's laptop and wallet in her hands.

"Alright flight is book, I only booked a one way ticket not sure how long you were going to be there. Also I figured you would be staying with Thea so I didn't book you a hotel either, but we should get going because traffic is going to be a bitch." Sara handed Felicity her laptop which Felicity stuffed into her duffle bag along with her chargers and her wallet that Sara promptly handed back to her.

"Alright Thea I am going to let you go, I will see you in a few hours." Felicity smiled down at the screen as she ran to her closet and took off her heels from the photoshoot and but on a beat up pair of converse. Normally she would make fun of the women that got onto flights all done up with a cute outfit, hair and makeup fully done, but today she was one of those girls considering she hadn't even had the opportunity to take off her makeup from the photoshoot.

"Sounds good to me, text me your flight info and I will come and pick you up. Love you Lissy."

"Love you too Speedy." Felicity smiled and sent the other girl a wink making her smile before they hung up on each other.

"Are you sure you can't hop on a plane to Starling with me and at least sit in the hospital waiting room with me? I really don't want to see Oliver or his new fiancee." Felicity scrunched up her face as Sara grabbed her bag and started moving out of her room as Felicity quickly grabbed her keys and following Sara out of the house and down the driveway. She knew that Sarah couldn't leave at the drop of a hat, she did have an actual job that she couldn't just leave. Felicity just didn't think she could face this problem alone.

"I am sure, I would love to be able to go home and visit with everyone but honestly Felicity you need to face the man eventually." Sara said as she threw Felicity's bag into the back seat as both girls got into the car seeing that they had three hours before her flight left.

"See that's the thing, I was never supposed to go back to Starling so I would never have to see him but now suddenly I am going back and I am pretty sure that Thea isn't going to tell any of them just for the shock factor and to get a rise out of Oliver because she doesn't like McKenna and I am going to stop babbling now before I say something dumb." Felicity stopped and took a gulping breath as Sara pulled onto the freeway towards LAX.

"Too late for that. Did you even take a breath once during that sentence?" Sara asked amused by her best friends avoidance of a certain Queen sibling.

"That's not the point, I now am flying into Starling to see my ex boyfriend's dad who is in the hospital and I have to face his new...whatever and I am terrified." Felicity had a deer in the headlights look on her face and it took everything in Sara not to start laughing at her. She wasn't even able to say the word fianceé without visibly cringing.

"Look babe, I get that you are nervous and scared but don't think of this as a trip were you have to see Oliver for the first time. Think of it as a trip where yes, you have to see him but you are really there to see Robert. Stick with Thea and avoid Oliver, this way when you need to shit talk McKenna you have Thea who will probably agree with everything you are saying." Sara smirked as she could hear the gears in Felicity's brain turning and working out everything that could go wrong in this situation.

"I just feel really vulnerable at even the mere thought of seeing him again, he always knew how to read me like an open book, I loved it back when we were together but now...I don't know. I know that it's obvious that I still love him and I am scared that I am going to show up to the hospital and it's going to be like a giant neon sign flashing above my head saying 'I'm in love with Oliver Queen.'" Felicity sighed and let her head hit the head rest as she tried to will away the headache that was starting to form.

"You need to take a deep breath, you are Felicity damn Smoak! You have conquered the music industry and on a daily basis live in the public eye and still seem to have a private life, you can manage to hide your feelings from Oliver for _at most _two weeks." Sara was looking at the road as she sped down the highway but Felicity could hear the conviction in her voice and knew that she was right. If she could post on social media to 10 million people and go on talk shows and openly talk about her personal life and all of that stuff then she _certainly _could hide this bit of information from Oliver. Couldn't she? Well she was about to find out in a few hours whether or not she could.

"You know what? You are right, I can totally keep my cool for a week or so and then come home and move on with my life. Finish my album and focus of everything besides the fact that the love of my life is marrying another woman."

"Alright if you are going to convince anyone then you have to stop saying things like that."

"Yeah I'll work on that." The rest of the ride was silent besides the radio which Felicity promptly turned off the minute she heard one of her songs, not being able to listen to her own music at the moment.

Sara pulled up to the airport and both girls hopped out of the car Felicity still having two hours until her plane left. Felicity stepped into Sara's open arms finally starting to feel the severity of the whole situation, Robert was in the hospital… A man who had treated her like a daughter even when he didn't need too. A man who constantly supported her no matter how crazy her dreams had been, he would never replace her biological dad but over the past five years he has become an important part of her life.

"Have a safe flight okay? Call me when you land and text me regular updates about...well everything about this trip because let's be real this is about to get reeeeeeal interesting." Sara laughed as she pulled away and smiled at Felicity and giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"I promise I will keep you updated on all fronts." Felicity smiled and let Sara go as she saw that some paparazzi had spotted her and were making their way towards her. She rolled her eyes and threw on her jean jacket and sunglasses before backing away waving to Sara as she walked away and into the airport.

Felicity quickly made her way through security so that she could get to her gate to kill time before her flight left. Once she got to her gate she pulled out her laptop and started to immediately check her email knowing that her manager and publicist were going to kill her once they got her email saying that she wasn't going to make it to any of the press events to promote her new single. The flight attendants finally called for her to board the plane and she took a deep breath, she was grateful that no one had even noticed her and had come up to her asking for an autograph or a picture. She was not in any kind of mood or headspace to be dealing with her fans, she was stressed about seeing Oliver and worried about Robert and she was on the verge of crying.

She made it through the flight with no problems sleeping through the quick three hour flight before getting out and walking straight out the doors to see Thea leaning against a car obviously waiting for her to walk through the doors.

"Lis!" Thea practically ran towards Felicity but it didn't make a difference because Felicity was doing the same thing, it had been a year since the two women had seen each other and they were just relieved to be seeing each barring the current circumstances.

"Hey Speedy." Felicity welcomed the embrace as she wrapped her arms around the girl dropping her bag to the ground instantly relaxing.

"How was your flight?" Thea asked as she pulled away and Felicity picked up her bag off of the ground as they both started to make their way towards the car.

"It was good, uneventful but good. I am honestly exhausted, I had just gotten home from a photoshoot when I got your call. I am ready to sleep for at least 10 hours and change into a comfy pair of sweats." Felicity laughed as she put her bag in the back seat and smiled at Thea as she saw her staring at her.

"The outfit makes sense then, I was going to make fun of you for getting all dressed up for Ollie." Thea winked and ran around to the drivers side of the car as Felicity got into the passenger side.

"Haha, you're hilarious. Trust me I hate those girls who show up on a flight dressed to the nines but today I was one of those girls and trust me flying in a leather crop top and leather skirt is not the ideal situation. It was tight and uncomfortable in all of the wrong places." Felicity laughed as Thea pulled out of the airport and smiled over at Felicity happy to finally have her back in Starling.

"I have missed having you here, I mean don't get me wrong I love our regular skype dates but it's nice to actually be able to see you." Thea said and Felicity smiled back at Thea and playfully punched her in the arm laughing lightly.

"I missed you too weirdo, I have missed Starling too I just haven't been able to come back since everything happened. I'm glad that I came back though actually, I have been meaning to come back and clean up my parents house and sell it. I might use this trip out here as an excuse to get that started." Felicity said knowing that she needed to do it eventually and now is a better time than any.

"You never sold your parents house? It's been five years, I thought that your aunt would have taken care of all of that stuff when your parents first passed away." Thea said

"No, my parents left everything in my name and my aunt figured that I would maybe want to rent it out for some extra money or even maybe come back home and move back into it. I don't think I would ever be able to move back in there, I haven't even been inside since before the accident. I just continue to pay the mortgage on it and keep telling myself I will come back and take care of things but I never have." Felicity took a deep breath and let out a long sigh even just thinking about it, that house was like a museum for her parents and her old life from before the accident. She was positive that if she walked into her old room she would probably still find all of her old photos of her and Oliver from high school.

Felicity had grieved her parents and had finally gotten to a place that it doesn't feel like her heart is still breaking whenever she thinks of them, but it was still extremely hard knowing that she was finally going to take that final step. She was going to go back to her childhood home and relive all of those memories and hopefully put it all behind her.

"You should use it as a vacation home! Then you would actually come back to Starling instead of always making us come out to LA to you." Thea jokes making Felicity let out a big belly laugh, Thea was always talking about how she wished she could move out of Starling and move in with Felicity and Sara in LA.

"What happened to wanting to move out to LA with us, miss I love the beach and the sun?" Felicity asked looking over at Thea as she tried not to smile back at her.

"That was before me and Ollie opened the club and I got my own apartment here, we both know that you miss it here." Thea was just baiting her now and Felicity was completely aware of what she was doing and she wasn't going to fall for it.

"I may miss it here but my life is in LA, I have my career there and all of my friends. It wouldn't make sense for me to move back here, even if I do miss seeing all of you guys on a daily basis." Felicity smiled and winked over at Thea making her roll her eyes and shake her head.

"Alright alright, looks like I'm not going to convince you of anything but I had to at least give it a shot. However you are going to have to convince mom of all of this again once we get to the hospital, I heard her saying the other day how she wished that you were still in Starling. I wouldn't put it past the woman to fund the building of a recording studio here in Starling just so you would move back." Thea chuckled as Felicity shook her head knowing that Moira wold do exactly that if that's what it would take in order for her to move back home.

"You know, I wouldn't put it past her to do that either, but she knows as well as you one of the real reasons I will never move back here." Felicity sighed as she looked over at Thea then started to nervously pick at her nails. Oliver, the real reason she wouldn't move back, she may have wanted him to be happy but she didn't want to see it unless it was with her. Everywhere in the city reminded her of either Oliver and her parents and it was a lot to take in.

"Well you won't have to see him very much if you don't want to, I can stick by your side the whole time and kick him to the curb if you ever want me to." Thea offered making Felicity smile softly, she was thankful for Thea and having her as a friend.

"Thanks, but I think that I can handle myself with your brother, I will do the pleasantries with him and be polite because I am not a complete barbarian, but besides that I will avoid him." Felicity giggled as Thea pulled off of the highway and towards Starling general.

"Sounds like a good game plan to me, honestly Ollie is probably going to be more awkward than you." Thea commented.

"Speaking of...he doesn't know I'm coming does he?" Felicity accused raising an eyebrow and turning towards Thea as the other woman pretended that she didn't hear Felicity's question.

"Thea…" Felicity warned even though she knew before even getting on her flight that Thea wasn't going to be telling anyone that she was coming. She had already come to terms with this bit of information but it didn't mean that she was okay with it. She had hoped that maybe she had just jumped to conclusions but deep down she knew Thea too well.

"It was so last minute that I didn't see a reason to tell any of them, it will be a nice surprise." Thea tried to argue but even she knew that it wasn't a strong argument.

"A nice surprise?! Thea come on! We both know that nice is not the right word to use, your mom and dad might think so, but Oliver is not going to be as happy that I am making a surprise visit back home. Especially considering how we left things." Felicity sighed as Thea pulled into the hospital parking lot, she instantly became nervous.

Her palms started sweating and her heart instantly started pounding, she had never been here and had a happy memory here. Last time she was here she had OD'd on Vertigo and had died, she hadn't thought about that in a long time but being back here it was bringing everything back up. Now adding seeing Oliver to all of that it wasn't making things any easier, Felicity had never told Thea what happened the night that Oliver broke up with her so she never knew how bad things had gotten towards the end. Thea was too young back then and Felicity never wanted to burden the young woman with what had happened between her and her brother. She was craving a drink to calm her nerves but she knew that even that thinking wasn't good, she closed her eyes and took a steadying breath hoping to calm down.

"Look Lis, I'm sorry that I didn't tell them that you were coming, but Oliver knows that you are still close with our parents. I am sure that he may have an inkling that you might come in to come and see him just in case something were to happen. He understands your relationship with them and isn't angry or jealous about it so I don't think that it's going to cause any problems." Thea countered and Felicity nodded looking down at her hands looking at her hands blowing out a nervous breath.

"Alright, let's get this surprise visit over with then, the sooner the better." Felicity looked up and smiled at Thea feeling like she was ready to walk into that hospital and see Oliver for the first time in five years.

They both got out of the car and made their way into the hospital Felicity following Thea all the way up to the surgical waiting room, just as they were about to walk in Felicity grabbed Thea's hand effectively stopping them both from going inside.

"I don't think I can do this." Felicity said staring at the door not even knowing whether or not he was in there but the more she thought about it the more she thought that she wouldn't be able to keep her feelings at bay and to herself.

"Felicity...you are a multi-platinum recording artist, you are kind, generous, and extremely confident woman. Where's that girl? That girl would be able to walk right into that waiting room and not let anything worry her except dad." Thea tried building her up, but Felicity wasn't exactly buying it.

"She was left behind in LA and was replaced with my self conscience 16 year old self who wasn't sure about herself at all." Felicity started wringing her hands and Thea had enough of this and turned Felicity so that she was facing the door and Thea instantly started pushing her into the room. Felicity tried to resist but deep down she just wanted to get this done and over with just as much as Thea wanted to see the look on her brother's face.

Once the door opened the only person that she recognized in the room was Moira and Felicity's heart-rate instantly settled down knowing that for right now the only person she would have to deal with was Moira.

"Felicity? Oh my goodness! It's so good to see you darling, I wish it was under different circumstances, but it's so nice that you're here." Moira jumped up and gave Felicity a bone crushing hug making her smile, she hadn't realized how much she had missed them until she was in her arms feeling like all of her broken pieces were put back together.

"Me too, I am so sorry to hear about Robert, Thea said he had a heart attack?" Felicity asked as she pulled out of the hug and the three women took a seat on one of the big couches in the waiting room.

"Yes, the doctor's called it Stress Cardiomyopathy. He has been under a lot of stress between the company and training Oliver and there was recently an attack on us, so much has been going on and he never took a day off to just relax." Moira was worried ,that much was plain as day on her face and Felicity was in turn worried about her. She looked about ready to collapse, Felicity rubbed Moira's back comfortingly and smiled over at her.

"Don't worry, if I can make it through a heart attack like that and come out the other side completely healthy then so can he. He is going to make it out of this, he has to." Felicity tried to reason with them, wanting to make them feel better about everything, but even she was a bit nervous.

"Lissy is right mom, he can make it through this." Thea ran her hand up and down her mother's back right below Felicity's in a comforting gesture making Moria smile at both of the girls.

"It's so good to see both of you girls in the same place, it has been too long since we all have sat down as a family. Why don't we have a family dinner at the house? Once Robert is out of the woods and ready to come home." Moria spoke smiling at Felicity with a knowing glint in her eye.

"Hey now, don't give me that look like you have a secret plan up your sleeve." Felicity smiled and gave Moira a gentle shove to her shoulder and shaking her head knowing what the older woman was up to.

"I don't know what you're talking about, I just want all of my children under one roof and together again." Moira said but Felicity wasn't buying anything that she was telling her, she knew her all too well and knew that Moira already somehow had a plan.

"Mhmm, yeah alright Ms. Matchmaker, I've got my eye on you." Felicity said with a smile on her face and shaking her head, these two women did not know how to keep to themselves and in their own love lives. Felicity was about to make another comment about how they needed to keep their evil plans to themselves when the waiting room doors swung open.

Oliver walked in first and didn't see Felicity at first and was just focused on his mom and Thea, that was until he saw the head of blonde hair and stopped in his tracks causing McKenna to crash into his back wondering what was happening in front of him to make him stop in his tracks.

Felicity looked up and her stomach instantly dropped as she looked up at Oliver, he had definitely changed in the past five years and not in a bad way at all. He no longer had the long hair and he had lost weight but gained it all back in muscle, Felicity didn't know how to react without making it obvious that she was lusting after him.

"Felicity?" Oliver asked feeling like this all had to be some sort of weird dream where his ex came back to haunt him.

"Hi." Felicity smiled not being able to look away from his beautiful blue eyes, she instantly knew that she was in for a world of trouble the minute he looked back at her. The way he looked at her still made her stomach drop, only this time he was looking at her with hurt and anger in his eyes.

This was going to be a lot worse than she had originally imagined.


	3. Chapter 3

"_Felicity?" Oliver asked feeling like this all had to be some sort of weird dream where his ex came back to haunt him._

"_Hi." Felicity smiled not being able to look away from his beautiful blue eyes, she instantly knew that she was in for a world of trouble the minute he looked back at her. The way he looked at her still made her stomach drop, only this time he was looking at her with hurt and anger in his eyes._

_This was going to be a lot worse than she had originally imagined._

McKenna moved her way around Oliver to see what he was so shocked with and she nearly fainted, it's Felicity Smoak. _The Felicity Smoak,_ celebrity recording artist, philanthropist and overall gorgeous human Felicity Smoak. How did she not know that Oliver knew her favorite artist?

"Oh my god...You're Felicity Smoak, like _the Felicity Smoak_."

Oliver looked between Thea and his mother, pretending McKenna wasn't having a total freak out moment over his ex-girlfriend. He was wondering who had called Felicity, his mom or Thea and didn't inform him that she would be here. He knew that there was a chance, but he would have wanted at least a little bit of respect from both of them and get a heads up before she showed up.

Felicity looked between both Oliver and McKenna trying to gauge the reaction, she could tell that Oliver wasn't happy by just the look on his face. He had his angry face on and under different circumstances she would have laughed at how adorable he looked, but this was not the time for that.

"Uhhhhh. Yeah that's me, you must be McKenna?" Felicity reached out her hand for McKenna to shake which she did with a starstruck look on her face. She was used to this response when people saw her at this point, but she just didn't expect it at all while she was in Starling considering her publicist was keeping it hush hush that she was even in the city. As soon as she saw McKenna however, she knew instantly that she was a fan by the way that her eyes bugged out of her head.

"What are you doing here? I mean I know why you're here but it still I would have respected a heads up." Oliver retorted trying to hold his anger in the best that he could, this was already stressful for all of them and he didn't want to make it even worse. He looked between his sister and mother again and they both rolled their eyes as if they had practiced this. They both felt like he was acting childish, Felicity had every right to be there.

Felicity smiled at the little ramble that she just witnessed come from Oliver and wanted to comment on how she was normally the one speaking in sentence fragments but knew better of it not wanting to make the situation any worse than it was.

"That's my fault Ollie, I called her and told her about dad, and she jumped on a plane almost immediately after and I just forgot to mention it." Thea responded trying to calm him down, she knew that he wouldn't be happy that she was here, and he wasn't informed, but she didn't expect this from Oliver, he wasn't being fair.

"Maybe I should go, I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable." Felicity started to stand up, but Moira put a hand on her knee to stop her from leaving, Felicity deserved to be there just as much as Oliver and Thea did.

"Nonsense. You are staying, Robert would love to see you once he wakes up." Moira looked at Oliver giving him a look that said, 'behave and don't cause any trouble'. Oliver moved to one of the chairs across from the couch that the three women were sitting on and McKenna followed suit.

"So how exactly do you two know each other? You've never mentioned that you knew Felicity Smoak." McKenna asked the innocent question without knowing the full story behind Oliver and Felicity's history together.

Felicity looked up from her hands and gave Oliver a confused look and then looked back to McKenna, Felicity felt her stomach drop, feeling hurt. She meant that little to Oliver that he never even thought to mention her to his fiancée? Had she really caused that much damage?

"We grew up together. We were best friends all through school." Oliver looked at Felicity with a mixture of anger, hurt, and love in his eyes and it made Felicity dizzy by how intense the look was, so much so she had to look away. Was that how he viewed their entire relationship? Did he see it as nothing? Those five years meant absolutely nothing to him? She needed to stop spiraling and put on a brave face, if Oliver didn't want McKenna to know that they had been together, then she would respect that no matter how much she wanted to just blurt it out in order to hurt Oliver and put him in some deep shit with his fiancée.

Oliver took a deep breath almost like he knew the decision that Felicity had come to in her mind. When he met McKenna, he was in his second year at Harvard and still trying to work through the emotions from the break up.

Even after a year and a half after their break up, he still kept up with what Felicity was doing mainly through her social media and Sara's, that was when he met McKenna. She was nice and sweet and was patient with him, she knew that his ex had broken his heart pretty badly, but she waited until he was ready to tell her and never once asked him to tell her what had happened. Once he was finally ready to tell her, Felicity had just started to make it in the music industry and deep down he was insanely proud of her, this was all she ever wanted. McKenna and him had been dating officially for three months and he was about to tell her everything about Felicity and his relationship, that was when he found out that McKenna was a fan of Felicity's. He may have trusted her but not enough to tell her everything about Felicity's past, he didn't want her spreading gossip around about her and potentially ruin everything that Felicity had worked hard for.

So, Oliver made the decision to just not tell McKenna his ex's name and just tell her what happened between them, he never in a million years actually thought that they would meet and would be confronted with this awkward meeting. He could see the confusion and the hurt in Felicity's eyes but maybe it was better this way, deep down he kind of wanted to hurt her just as much as she had hurt him. He knew how awful that sounded but he didn't care it took him almost the entirety of the past five years to get over her and he was just starting to feel okay again.

"Yeah. Oliver defended me to a bunch of bullies on the playground in fourth grade and we were friends ever since. We lost touch after high school, but I stayed really close with his family." Felicity felt bad about lying, like she was admitting that he meant nothing to her when in reality it was the opposite, he meant everything. She was doing it because it was obvious that that was what he wanted her to be doing and she would do this if it meant that she might get on his good side.

McKenna could tell that something was off between everyone, like there was something that they weren't telling her, but she chose to just chalk it all up to the situation and what was happening with Robert.

Oliver looked between both of the women hoping that Felicity would keep their secret and continue to go along with this little charade that he had started years before. It all started off in a way to protect Felicity so that the tabloids didn't find out about her past until she was ready to put it out there herself but at this point, he really just didn't want McKenna to know.

"So, what's it like being in Hollywood? It must be so exciting." McKenna asked not being able to hold it in any longer, just wanting to know everything that there is to know about her lifestyle and what it's like.

Felicity normally would have been annoyed and rolled her eyes, but she will take any distraction at the moment from the pain she was feeling in her chest from seeing Oliver again and from feeling like she meant absolutely nothing to him. She put on her talk show face and just started giving the same answers she normally did when one of her fans asked her this exact same question.

"I mean I'm not really in Hollywood per se, that's more acting but it's pretty amazing. I worked most of my life of writing songs and creating music and when I finally made it big and got to show the world my music it was like I could take a deep breath. It feels like a dream to be able to share my story with everyone and hopefully make a difference in at least one person's life." Felicity finished with her award-winning smile and she could see that McKenna was mesmerized but it then she heard Thea snort and snicker, being able to see through everything.

Felicity looked over and saw that both Moira and Thea were both smiling and laughing seeing right through it. She had told both of them numerous times about how fame wasn't everything that it was cracked up to be and how sometimes she wished that she could have a normal life again. She missed being able to go out and not being swarmed when she was trying to buy groceries. They could see right through her award-winning smile and could tell that most of what she was saying was completely scripted. She rolled her eyes and stuck out her tongue to both of the women making them laugh even more.

She looked at Oliver and saw a little glint in his eyes that told her that he didn't believe her either and it made her smile and shake her head a little as she looked back at McKenna. She didn't want to get sucked back in by Oliver; she knew that it wouldn't be hard considering her feelings for the man.

"That sounds pretty amazing, I'm a huge fan if you couldn't already tell. Your music is my comfort music, whenever I'm in a bad mood I just put it on, it just helps me relax."

Felicity gave a genuine smile actually touched by what she had said she had heard things like that before from other fans that she had encountered but it still meant a lot to hear that her music helped people. Even if most of her music was about said woman's fiancé and made Felicity kind of feel sleezy.

"Thank you. That really means a lot to me. That is really my one true goal in making my music, as long as I help at least one person I consider myself a success." Felicity smiled a genuine smile this time slowly beginning to settle down from the encounter with Oliver.

"Is it true that you are dating Ray Palmer that tech genius? There are rumors all over and I am just curious." McKenna asked out of curiosity not being able to help herself.

Felicity rolled her eyes and scuffed without even being able to stop herself, she hated talking about that gremlin of a man. She had been responding to these rumors for months trying to stop them, but he kept fanning the flames making it worse and worse and she was sick of it.

"Well that's a colorful reaction." Thea commented amused by seeing Felicity roll her eyes so hard she thought that they were going to become strained.

"That man is the bane of my existence at the moment, he is making my life a living hell. The amount of damage control my publicist and I have had to do because of him gives me a headache, and he won't stop either." Felicity closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose as she felt a headache starting to form behind both of her eyes at even the mere thought of him.

"What is he doing?" Oliver asked and surprised nearly everyone in the room except McKenna that he was even interested in her current love life and publicity nightmare.

Felicity took a deep breath and blew it out trying to calm down, she knew that she could trust the three Queens in the room not to repeat what she was going to say but she didn't exactly trust McKenna especially since she was a fan, but if Oliver trusted her then she guessed that she could trust her too.

"It is true that we went out a few times and he is a super nice guy on the surface, but it didn't occur to me until after everything happened what he was really after. I still have all of my dad's hard drives with all of his work on them from when he was developing Smoak Tech and when I get the time I even try and follow through with a few of the ideas that he had just to try and feel close to him. Ray being in the tech business and owning his own tech company, it never occurred to me until I woke up in the middle of the night and found him snooping through one of the hard drives, that all he was after were my dad's designs. I kicked him out after that, and he has been making my life a living hell spreading all kinds of nasty rumors about how I am such a diva and how I emotionally abused him." She rolled her eyes again and looked up to the ceiling trying to keep the tears at bay, she really didn't want to unpack all of that right now. The man was a lying cheat and tried to steal from her, she had unpacked most of her emotions and feelings with her therapist, but it still got to her sometimes.

"Damn Lis, I'm sorry about that, when you told me that things ended between you two I didn't realize how bad it really was." Thea responded sympathetically and Moira ran a comforting hand up and down Felicity's back in an attempt to make her feel better.

"Thanks, Speedy. I just tried to put it behind me and move on, I mean I went to two meetings a day sometimes wanting to do nothing but drink, but I got through it. I still am but at this point I'm just filled with complete rage instead of hurt. It just reinforces me to not go out on dates with people in big business, maybe just normal people." Felicity joked causing both women on the couch to chuckle.

"I'm sorry about that, I can't even imagine how betrayed you must have felt." McKenna commented reminding Felicity that the woman was still there, she nearly forgot that she was the one that asked the question.

"Thanks, it helped that my roommate chased him out of the house with a bat." Felicity laughed remembering Sara running into the room with a bat after hearing Felicity yelling and then chased the man out with a bat.

"Sara did that?! Why does that not surprise me?" Oliver asked laughing making Felicity laugh too, after a little while the whole room erupted in laughter at the thought of tiny Sara chasing a fully-grown man out of a house with a bat.

"Because that's exactly something that Sara would do. Do you remember when she pinned Tommy to the ground and started beating his ass when she found out that Tommy had cheated on Laurel with that one freshman at the homecoming game behind the bleachers? I for sure thought we were going to have to help her hide his body because of how angry she was." Felicity started laughing even more and Oliver joined in remembering the same instance.

"How could I forget that? Tommy had to walk around telling everyone that Sara beat his ass and was the one who gave him a black eye, split his lip, and nearly broke his jaw." Oliver smiled and shook his head remembering the embarrassment that Tommy felt at the whole situation. Sara might be tiny, but she sure is mighty and never to be taken for granted.

"How are Tommy and Laurel? I was so disappointed that I couldn't make it home for their wedding. I nearly fired my manager when she told me that I was going on tour and couldn't go." Felicity joked finally starting to feel comfortable around Oliver for the first time since he walked into the room.

"They are good, last time me and Tommy talked him and Laurel are trying to start a family and have a baby." Oliver smiled knowing the exact reaction he was going to get out of Felicity considering when he first heard the news, he nearly spat out his drink in a dramatic Hollywood fashion.

"What?! Tommy Merlyn?! A dad? I never thought I would ever see the day when those two things would correlate. He is still that party boy to me; I have barely talked to him since I got sober. I have talked to Laurel more than Tommy to be honest." Felicity shook her head still trying to digest the information that Tommy Merlyn might be a father in the very near future. Although whenever Felicity talked to Laurel, she always talked about how amazing he was and Felicity was surprised every time considering he was always her go to party guy.

"I know, I thought he was joking when he told me too, but he has completely changed since the last time that you probably saw him. Laurel told him that he needed to cut the crap and get serious about his future and stop partying all the time and he seemed to listen to what she said and really turned his life around." Oliver said never looking away from her eyes and she knew that he resented her a little bit for not doing the same thing and getting her act together so that they could have the future that they wanted to have.

Felicity could feel the disappoint rolling off of him in waves, that she couldn't do the same for him, what he didn't know is that she did. She got sober and yes, she did it for herself and mostly for her parents, but she also did it for Oliver, she wanted to prove it to him that she could do it. By the time she did get sober however it was too late for them, but she still persisted and realized that she needed to do this for herself and nobody else.

She will be the first to admit that maybe she should have tried to contact him if she wanted to have any sort of future with him, but part of recovery is not getting into any sort of relationship until you feel stable. By the time she did however feel stable, he was as good as gone and already dating McKenna.

Felicity was about to respond and apologize, forgetting that they weren't the only ones in the room when a doctor walked in through the door and towards them, Felicity assumed that it was Roberts doctor and stood up with everyone else. Everything that was running through her mind was thrown to the side when she remembered the real reason that she was here.

"How is he? Did the surgery go okay?" Moira immediately asked and Felicity grabbed her hand to show her silent support telling her that she was at her side.

"He is doing okay; it was a brutal surgery. We found a lot of blockage and plaque in his arteries that more than likely associated with the Stress Cardiomyopathy, so we got all of the plaque out which should help but we still are going to keep him under close observation for a week or so, just to make sure that everything is running smoothly." The surgeon responded letting everyone in the room take a breath and relax a little knowing that Robert was going to be just fine.

"Can we see him?" Felicity asked knowing that everyone was wanting to see him and see how he was doing.

"We will be transferring him to the cardiac ICU pretty soon and once that happens, we can allow two people at a time to go in and see him. I can take two of you back now to go and see him while he is still in recovery." The doctor offered to the group standing before him as he looked between all of them wondering who the two were going to be.

"Why don't you two go back now and let me know how he is doing." Moira offered to Oliver and Thea knowing that both of them needed the reassurance that Robert was going to be okay.

"Are you sure mom?" Oliver asked and looked at her, Felicity was sure that she was the only one that could tell that he was only offering to be polite. She could see plain as day that Oliver needed to see his dad and make sure that he was going to make it and be okay.

"I'm sure, you two go in and I'll stay back and then me and Felicity will go back once you two are done." Moira smiled at both of her children as the doctor ushered them out of the waiting room. The three women sat back down and waited in silence for a few moments not really having much to say to each other at the current moment.

"How long do you plan on staying in Starling for?" Moira asked Felicity and they both seemed to be thankful for the reprieve from thinking about how they could have lost Robert. Felicity was really starting to understand the pain that she must have put everyone through when she was in the hospital numerous times after she had lost her parents.

"I'm not sure yet, I called my manager and publicist and told them the situation and they said to take as much time as needed because family is the most important. Honestly, the most I could probably stay before I get into too much trouble with my label is a week and a half, two weeks at most. I have two weeks to finish at least four songs for my album before the label cuts me, so maybe staying here and getting out of LA will help me." Felicity responded not knowing what to do about the whole situation with her label to be honest. She knew that it was an empty threat about them cutting her because they are already spending a hell of a lot of money on promoting some of her new singles. It was still stressful knowing that she needed to finish a good chunk of her songs so soon.

"Well we must do dinner at some point the four of us, five if Robert is out of the hospital in time to have dinner. It will be nice to have the whole family together and under one roof again." Moira commented seeming to pretend that McKenna wasn't even there, Felicity could see that sparkle of mischief in the older woman's eyes just like before and Felicity knew that she needed to be on her toes for whatever the woman had in mind, because she was up to something.

Felicity felt kind of bad for McKenna, Moira would never make it blatantly obvious that she didn't like her, but simple passive aggressive acts like this made it clear where the other woman stood compared to Felicity in Moira's mind. Felicity almost wanted to say something but also knew better than that, she also barely knew McKenna.

"Of course, that would be wonderful. I haven't had a good home cooked meal in five years, and I miss Raisa's cooking like no other." Felicity responded knowing better than to deny a dinner with the Queen herself, Felicity knew that if she did decline that Moira wouldn't be angry, but she was also curious to see what she had up her sleeve that made her so confident. Felicity had seen this twinkle in her eye before and it was normally when she was trying to play matchmaker and insert herself into someone else's love life. Felicity knew that her and Oliver were done, that much was clear, but she was still curious about what her plan was.

Felicity was about to make a witty remark when both Oliver and Thea walked back in, Thea looked like she had been crying and Oliver looked like his normal brooding self but just sadder. Felicity looked at McKenna to see if she saw what Felicity saw but she didn't, the look on McKenna's face read that she was trying to figure Oliver out still.

"He is going to be okay; your father is the strongest man that I know and if anyone can make it through this then he can." Moira stood and hugged Thea in her arms being the strength that the girl needed. Felicity watched the scene between mother and daughter and smiled only slightly jealous of them, silently wishing that her mom was here too. Felicity stepped forward and put her hand on Thea's back and rubbed it in a comforting motion as Moira stepped back and looked at Felicity.

"Why don't you go and visit him on your own? I am exhausted and need a shower and a change of clothes, besides you deserve a moment alone with him." Felicity smiled and Moira went to object, but she just wanted to see her husband, Moira gave Felicity a hug and a kiss on the cheek before leaving the room going to where Thea had told her Robert's room was.

Thea looked back at Felicity and threw the keys to her car towards her, Felicity just barely caught them giving her a curious look.

"Can you not drive your own car back to your apartment?" Felicity joked, trying to lighten the mood and chuckled trying to make Thea smile after all of the pain she had gone through in the last 24 hours.

"I am exhausted and starving, we are going to Big Belly Burger and getting belly busters and then pigging out. After the day I have had I need a girl's night with my best friend." Thea smiled sadly at her needing to hang out with her best friend, no matter the age gap between the two they always had a bond like sisters.

"Alright, but I am not supplying you with alcohol." Felicity joked as she wrapped an arm around the younger girl's shoulder.

"Damn, you know I really thought that you would have been more lenient the longer you lived in LA with all of the hippies that live out there." Thea joked back and smiled at Felicity this time a genuine smile.

"You wish little sister." Felicity ruffled Thea's hair and laughed when the girl desperately tried to get out of her hold.

"We should probably head home too babe." McKenna said to Oliver. It made Felicity's spine crawl, she looked to Thea and wrinkled her nose in distaste making Thea throw her head back in laughter. Oliver took a deep breath trying not to yell at the two of them for being immature. Felicity seemed to be a little bit more comfortable in Oliver's presence.

"Yeah let's head out, are we still on for breakfast tomorrow Speedy?" Oliver asked still slightly mad at the two of them for blatantly making fun of McKenna right in front of her. However, the woman seemed to be oblivious to the two of them and their jokes.

"Of course big brother, I'll see at our spot at nine." Thea said and walked over to Oliver and gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"You guys still do weekly breakfast? That's surprising, you guys hated it when your parents first made you start doing it." Felicity chuckled remembering the first time that their parents made Oliver take Thea out on a breakfast date with the both of them their Sophomore year of high school.

"I had to go with you the first time because you hated the idea that much." Felicity crossed her arms across her chest and smiled at the memory.

"Sometimes it's the only time we actually talk all week, so we now relish in this time that we get together." Oliver said a bit of a bite to his voice not liking Felicity commenting on his life after everything that had happened.

"Alright. I'll back off, you ready to go Thea?" Felicity threw up her hands in surrender not wanting any more trouble with Oliver than she already probably had. She really thought that maybe they could be civil but apparently not. The jokes between her and Thea at McKenna's expense may have been just a bit too much for him.

"Yeah let's head out and get some food." Thea moved out of Oliver's arms and the two women made their way out of the waiting room leaving Oliver and McKenna behind.

Felicity had bit off more than she could chew when it came to Oliver, she thought when she saw him that everything would be okay and that he would at the very least be civil with her, but she was wrong. He obviously was still really hurt by everything and hated her in some capacity and that itself broke her heart more than she thought it ever could.

By the time the both of them made it back to Thea's apartment they were both too beat and stuffed from dinner to actually have a girl's night and ended up just going up to their rooms. Felicity threw her duffle bag onto the bed and sighed not wanting to unpack but knew that she should. She had just started to transfer her clothes into the dresser when her phone started to ring with Sarah's ringtone. Felicity smiled and answered the Facetime glad to have a reason not to have to unpack.

"Hey babe! How's Starling treating you? It still as horrible as when we left?" Sarah teased making Felicity laugh as she started to get her pajamas out of her bag along with her stuff to get ready for bed. No matter how much she despised unpacking she needed to get out of these gross clothes and get all of this makeup off of her face.

"It's…interesting. Oliver still hates me I'm pretty sure, which…okay he has a right, but it has been five years and he is engaged to be married so you would think he would have actually ya know, moved on." Felicity complained just needing to vent to her best friend about everything that has happened since she had stepped out of the airport only a few short hours ago.

"He doesn't exactly have any reason to hate you at this point if he has moved on, that just makes me think that he hasn't completely moved on." Sarah deduced; she didn't want to give Felicity hope for something that very likely might never happen, but she wasn't going to lie to her either.

"God, I wish that was the case but you and I both know that the odds of that happening are slim to none. I just want to get this trip over with and get back home, I can get into the studio and make this album and then move on." Felicity started changing out of her clothes and moved out of the way of the camera. She just needed to get through the next two weeks at most and then life could go back to normal.

"You mean make the album that's almost completely love songs about Oliver?" Sarah asked in a joking tone however was completely serious, there was no way in hell Felicity was going to get out of this that easily.

Felicity paused when she was finished changing trying to calm herself from blowing up on Sarah for being completely and utterly right. Felicity moved back into frame and grabbed her phone sitting down on the bed.

"So, what if they are? I release them and get them out of my head and then I can _really _move on from him. He will be out of my system and then I can actually move on like you have been telling me to do for the past couple of years." Felicity wanted nothing more than to believe the words that she was uttering but she didn't even believe them so she knew that Sarah wouldn't.

"Oh, honey you aren't fooling anybody, sorry to disappoint you beautiful. Maybe this impromptu trip will be a blessing in disguise, I know that you miss having him as a friend so maybe you can get that back." Sarah offered hoping to help wipe that sad depressed look off of her best friend's face.

"Yeah maybe, I don't want to put any pressure on this at all. I am here for Robert and that is what's most important at the moment, whatever happens with me and Oliver isn't the main thing on my mind." Felicity said hoping that maybe speaking it and putting it into the world that it will come true.

"If you say so. Oh! I forgot to mention this before everything happened, but you got something else in the mail from that asswhole's publicist. I still don't get why they continue to come after you, it's been two fucking months. They need to grow the fuck up and be adults." Sarah raged making Felicity laugh while rolling her eyes at even the thought of having to deal with Ray or any of his entourage.

"They are going to continue to come after me no matter what I do because they are petty as fuck and he wants my dad's designs. I'm not thinking about that right now or I am going to start seething and that never ends well." Felicity said still angry about everything and what he was putting her through just because he didn't get what he wanted.

"You should pull a Taylor Swift and right a horrible break up/ I hate you song about him, that will teach him not to be a complete and utter dick to people." Sarah said making Felicity laugh helping her to let go of some of her tension.

"I'll think about it, speaking of which, would you be able to ship my guitar or keyboard out here? If I am out here and practically solitary, I might as well get something out of this." Felicity chuckled happy to be talking to Sarah she always helped to take the edge off after a long day.

"Yeah totally I think that UPS is still open so I will take it there now. Love you Lis and please at least remember to let things play themselves out. Don't try and force anything." Sarah said as she got up and hung up the call.

Felicity threw herself backwards on the bed and just starred at the ceiling trying to do as she said, to just let things play out and see where that takes her. Who knows, maybe things will end up working out in her favor.


	4. Chapter 4

"_Yeah totally I think that UPS is still open so I will take it there now. Love you Lis and please at least remember to let things play themselves out. Don't try and force anything." Sarah said as she got up and hung up the call._

_Felicity threw herself backwards on the bed and just starred at the ceiling trying to do as she said, to just let things play out and see where that takes her. Who knows, maybe things will end up working out in her favor._

Felicity woke up the next morning to an empty apartment and was the slightest bit grateful for it. She walked downstairs and saw her guitar and piano that she had asked Sara to ship to her were sitting by the front door. She sighed and looked at them for a few moments before walking across the room and into the kitchen to attempt to make herself some scrambled eggs.

She absentmindedly made her eggs and ate them the entire time trying not to look at her guitar and keyboard that were already calling her name. Ever since she saw Oliver yesterday, she has had a melody stuck in her that she had been wanting to put to paper ever since she got some inspiration back.

Felicity took her time cleaning her dishes and putting everything back where she found it and started to make her way over to the couch. She tried to walk past the packages but huffed and walked up the stairs and grabbed her journal where she wrote down all of her songs and her notebook of sheet music and stomped down the stairs grabbing her guitar case and sat down on the couch situating herself to start writing.

She started strumming the guitar without even really thinking before she came up with something that she thought would go with the lyrics that were swimming around in her mind. She started humming the melody seeing if she liked the sound of it, Felicity lost herself in the process of just creating the bones of the song.

She smiled her first real and genuine smile since she saw Oliver in the hospital for the first time and she had to admit that it felt great. Felicity wasn't even sure when she stood up and started pacing back and forth as she wrote all of the melodies onto the sheet music. Once she got the music down, she started singing without even really thinking about what was coming next.

This was one of those rare moments that she had only ever witnessed a handful of times when it happened to other artists. The words just started to tumble out of her mouth as if her brain already knew the lyrics to the song.

"Your hair's grown a little longer

Your arms look a little stronger

Your eyes just as I remember

Your smile's just a little softer

"And I, and I never prepared for a moment like that

Yeah, in a second it came all back, it all came back

"'Cause after all these years

I still feel everything when you are near

And it was just a quick hello

And you had to go

And you probably will never know

You're still the one I'm after all these years

"Couldn't help but overhear you

Sounds like you're happy with her

But does she kiss you like I kissed you?

Ooh, I wish I loved you like I miss you

"And I, and I never prepared for a moment like that

Yeah, in a second it came all back, it all came back

"'Cause after all these years

I still feel everything when you are near

And it was just a quick hello

And you had to go

And you probably will never know

You're still the one I'm after all these years, oh

"'Cause after all these years

I still feel everything when you are near

And it was just a quick hello

And you had to go

And you probably will never know

You're still the one I'm after all these years

"I never told you, I should've told you

I never told you after all these years

I never told you after all these years"

Felicity didn't even know that she had it in her to write a song in one go anymore but apparently, she did, she hadn't even heard Thea walk through the door about halfway through and started recording the rare moment. Felicity smiled with her eyes closed and sat down as she immediately started writing everything down so that she would be able to remember once she got back to LA.

Thea started clapping and Felicity jumped a mile and threw her hand over her chest trying to control her breathing.

"Jesus! Don't sneak up on me like that!" Felicity laughed and threw a pillow at Thea making the woman laugh and catch it easily as she came to sit down next to Felicity on the couch and witnessed the rare sight before her.

"Let me guess you are writing a new song for your album and it's about a certain brother of mine?" Thea said and eyed Felicity for her reaction, but the other woman didn't give her the reaction that she wanted which was to deny everything.

"How much of the song did you hear?" Felicity asked not looking Thea in the eye as she finished writing down the lyrics, trying to hide her embarrassment but it didn't seem to be working out very well for her.

"Enough. I knew that you still had feelings for him, but I didn't think that they went that deep still...Do you still love him like before?" Thea was prying at this point knowing how to prod the woman in order to get information out of her.

Felicity stayed silent and stared down at her guitar trying to figure out how to tell Thea that yes, she was still loved Oliver, but she had done a lot of thinking and she wasn't exactly sure how she felt anymore. She would always love Oliver but whether or not she was in love with him was a completely different question. Seeing him after all of this time was making her realize all of the things that were wrong with their relationship before.

"How do you stop loving someone that was always there for you? Someone that meant everything to you and someone who saw you at your worst? How could someone possibly stop loving someone like that? But also, how do you continue loving someone when you aren't sure how you are feeling?" Felicity was really confused about everything and she was sure that she was confusing Thea as well.

Thea didn't realize how much Felicity was struggling or how much she still did love Oliver. The emotion on Felicity's face showed it plain as day that she loved Oliver still after all these years. But she could also tell that she wasn't sure how she was feeling.

"Why didn't you ever try and talk to him once you got sober? There had to have been a time after you got sober that you wanted to call him and try and fight for him." Thea asked turning on the couch towards Felicity so that she could look at her.

Felicity opened and shut her mouth a few times trying to say her reasoning, but it never came out because she never exactly had a good reason, she sighed and took her guitar off, setting it back in the case and scrubbed her hands over her face trying not to cry. She had barely thought about Oliver over the years, there were the occasional times around his birthday and the holidays but the past day or so she had been bombarded with all of these old feelings and she didn't know how to handle all of this.

"I thought about it all of the time, I would have my phone in my hand and ready to call him, but I just never did. After a year and a half Sara finally stole my phone and deleted his number from my phone and I tried never to think about it again. I should have called, to at the very least make amends with him like I was supposed to do while going through the steps, but I never did. I realized how badly I had hurt him, and I never gained the courage to call him and tell him how badly I had messed up with him and our relationship. But I also was angry with him for ever trying harder either, never once while I was drinking and doing drugs did he ever try and help me. He left me at those parties and never tried to talk to me after everything happened, I get that we were kids and it's not his responsibility to fix me, but he never even tried." Felicity said on shaky breath trying and failing not to let her tears fall, Thea felt awful seeing her best friend in this much pain over her brother. Thea wanted to punch her rother for all of this pain that he had put her through, she never realized how much pain they had both caused to the other until it was plain as day in front of her.

"Then once you told me about him bringing McKenna home his second year at Harvard, I knew that I had to quit pinning over him and feeling sorry for myself. Once I found out that he had moved on it sent me down the rabbit hole again and that was when I realized that I couldn't continue to agonize over him. I can't even explain what broke in me, it didn't make any sense to me either, I was angry at him for a good few years after everything and once you told me that I broke. It was a real wake up call for me and then I really made the effort and did the work to get healthy and move on. Then all of this happened, and it brought everything back up, I am being bombarded by all of these emotions and all that I want to do is get high or drink." Felicity ran her hands up her face and into her hair leaning her elbows on her knees, Thea could see the turmoil on Felicity's face plain as day. She was silently hoping that Felicity didn't turn to drugs or alcohol in order to try and deal with these feelings, she saw what it did to her the last time, and it killed Thea knowing that she was hurting that bad.

"So, you never told him that you went to the train station that day to see him?" Thea asked curiously wanting to know the answer and also wanting to know why she never told Oliver. Thea knew the answer to this question. She had her weekly breakfast with Oliver and he repeatedly mentioned how angry he was that Felicity never showed up to the station that day. This morning he started raging, wanting to know where she got the audacity to just show up in Starling like nothing had happened and like she didn't just blatantly give up on them. Thea nearly yelled at him telling him that he wasn't the only one that got to be angry.

Thea wanted nothing more than to tell him that she in fact did show up to the station, but she was too late and missed him, but she knew that it wasn't her secret to tell. It was up to Felicity to tell him that tidbit of information, maybe then Oliver would stop being so angry with Felicity if he did know. Maybe they could finally mend these fences and move on with their lives.

"No. I never told him that I was there that day. He was very clear about what he wanted, and he deserved to move on and be happy. I love him and I always will and that's exactly why I am trying to move on and let him go. He deserves someone like McKenna who can love him like he deserves to be loved. I also deserve someone who isn't going to run when things get hard, I spent so much time blaming myself for the things that happened that I never realized that it wasn't all my fault." Felicity said the anger from over the years starting to bubble up, they were toxic for each other after the accident. Neither one of them knowing how to handle the other's emotions, Felicity was starting to realize that maybe they needed to take a break from each other. That maybe they needed to grow up and become the people that the other needed.

Thea never really knew what happened at the end between Felicity and her brother but this conversation between the two of them was starting to bring some things into the light that maybe it wasn't all fairytale's as Thea remembered it being between them two.

"I never knew that it was that bad between you two, I was still so oblivious of what was going on but at least listen to me on this. Shouldn't Oliver get to make that choice for himself whether or not he deserves better? You are taking away that choice from him by not telling him that you love him and still have feelings for him whatever those feelings may be. Hell Felicity, you are writing love songs about him, doesn't he deserve to know all of this?" Thea said trying to get through to Felicity hoping that she would hear her through all of the anger and hurt that was festering inside of her.

Felicity looked away from Thea tears now cascading down her face not being able to stop them, she couldn't continue to listen to this. All that she wanted to do was get away from all of this, she felt like she was suffocating, she couldn't breathe. All of these emotions were too much for her to handle right now.

"Thea please, you have to understand, it's been five years. I can't just randomly tell him that I still love him and that I went to the train station that day, it's a lot more complicated than that. He's _engaged Thea!_ There's nothing that can be done, he is getting married to a woman who loves him and who he loves in return. After your dad gets better, I am leaving to go back to LA and things will go back to how they were before. I will hopefully never talk to him again. I will move on because that's what I deserve to do, no matter what I feel I am not going to just succumb to telling him those things without knowing that things are going to change" Felicity looked Thea in the eye and wiped all of her tears off of her cheeks and sniffed trying to right herself so that she could get a hold on her emotions but she was getting angry. Thea just didn't know how to stay out of her business and in her own. She loved the girl, but she was about to slap her.

"That's a load of bull shit Felicity and you know it! You know that there's a chance that he might feel the same, but you are too terrified to take that chance because what if he doesn't and then you are left alone? What if he actually has moved on and you make a fool of yourself, right? That's what you're thinking right?" Thea paused wanting the gravity of her words to actually hit Felicity.

"No Thea that's not what I am thinking, you are still really young to understand what happened between us. Oliver isn't a saint, just like I'm not either and there were things that happened and that were said and done between us that destroyed both of us. I'm afraid that when something bad happens that he is going to run just like he did last time, because that's what he did. He ran because he was scared of what was happening to me and he couldn't handle it, so he took the easy route and left. I don't completely trust him anymore Thea and I have ample reason not to." Felicity was exhausted from this conversation and needed to get out, she was on the verge of a panic attack from all of the swirling emotions threatening to drown her.

"But what if he feels the same? You have a 50/50 shot, those are some pretty good odds Lis...I hear what you are saying, that you don't trust him, but shouldn't you at least give him a shot? I'm sure that he doesn't exactly trust you either. Shouldn't you both give each other another chance to make things right? I just don't want you to go through the rest of your life wondering what would have happened if you only would have given him that bit of information. You deserve that closure, no matter what that may be." Thea finally calmed down and really looked at Felicity to see the anger and emotion on her face, about what she should do. Thea could tell how tore she was between still loving Oliver and being angry with him.

"I don't think that I could ever tell him, no matter what I feel for him he chose McKenna and I am not the type of person to plant a seed of doubt in someone's mind. Besides if he wanted to know that I was there he could have called after he left, this isn't just on me." Felicity sighed knowing that she was making the right choice.

"Do you think that your parents would want you to be this unhappy?" Thea tried to reason but instead she made Felicity even more angry for bringing her parents into this.

"You don't get to comment on what they would want; you never knew them. Don't _ever_ try and use my dead parents as a way to convince me to do something just because _you _think that it's in _my_ best interest. I can't even believe that you would stoop that low." Felicity got up and stormed out of the apartment not caring how she looked or that she didn't have keys or her phone or her wallet. She just needed to get out of that apartment and not be anywhere near Thea at the moment. She needed to go and see her parents.

Thea sighed knowing that she royally screwed up by bringing up Felicity's parents, but she figured that it was worth a shot, right? Hindsight is 20/20 however and now Felicity was furious with her and Thea didn't exactly blame the woman. Thea reached into her back pocket and dialed her mom's number knowing that if she was going to go through with this insane plan then she was going to need reinforcements in the form of Moira Queen: The _Queen _of meddling herself (pun very much intended).

"Thea sweetheart, if you're calling to see how your father doing since the last time you called an hour ago, he is doing exactly the same." Moira answered without even letting Thea get a word in edgewise.

"No that's not what I'm calling about, I'm calling about Oliver and Felicity. She still has feelings for him and never told him about the day at the train station. Oliver's angry with her because he thinks that she never cared about him or valued their relationship because she never showed up at the train station that day and Felicity is angry with him because he never tried to even help her after everything happened. I want your help to get her to tell him. He deserves to have all of the information; he deserves to know that she really did want to try and make it work." Thea finished her explanation out of breath and also very irritated that the two most important people in her life were so dense that they didn't realize that they were both still in love with each other.

"Thea...we cannot interfere in either of their lives. Oliver is marrying McKenna and even if we don't exactly agree with that decision or like her that does not mean that we can meddle in either of their lives. Oliver has made his decision and that is that Thea, trust me I would love to see your brother and Felicity together. Donna and I would talk all of the time how we just knew that they would end up getting married, but things don't work out the way that we want. Leave it be Thea." Moira tried to reason with Thea even though she wanted nothing more than to butt into their lives, but she knew that she couldn't it wouldn't be right to interfere.

"When has Moira Queen expert meddler ever passed up the opportunity to interfere in her kids' lives? Besides, Oliver hasn't made his decision because he doesn't have all of the facts, doesn't he at the very least deserve to know that she was there that day willing to try and make things work?" Thea countered knowing that her mom wouldn't be able to deny that simple and true fact. She waited and listened to the phone, waiting for her mom to make a decision.

"You do know how to make a good counter argument; I still think that you should have become a lawyer for a career." Moira said avoiding making an actual decision not wanting either Oliver or Felicity angry with her because she chose to meddle in their lives. The dinner that she was planning was in a way meddling, but she didn't intend on forcing them to talk to each other.

"You're avoiding answering the question mom." Thea reminded her not letting this go that easily, she was going to make this happen with or without her mom's blessing. It would just be a lot easier if she had her mother's expert help.

"Okay...but if we are going to do this, we will do this right, they can't know that we did this. I already planned to have all three of you over for dinner at the manor, so this works out perfectly. I will set everything up, all you have to do is show up." Moira said making Thea grin widely knowing that finally this was going to happen. The two of them would either leave this dinner with closure or in love, Thea however did feel bad about the whole McKenna variable in all of this.

"Perfect. You know that I am right, worst case scenario they both leave with some closure to actually move on in their own lives." Thea said.

"Thea you and I know that it's never that simple, worst case scenario is we drudge up old memories for both of them and they end up not speaking to either of us which is something I definitely do not want." Moira said sadly knowing how much that day had hurt both Oliver and Felicity.

"Well it's not like we are going to spill the beans if she doesn't tell him, just plant the seed and hopefully she will do it on her own." Thea advises making Moira sigh and shake her head at her daughters' game.

"Alright. I will set everything up and text you with further details about dinner, your father looks to be waking up so I will see you at dinner." Moira says into the phone.

"Okay. Love you." Thea says and hangs up the phone taking a deep breath, this was going to work, it had to. She wanted them to work things out, at least so that they could be friends; she hated that her two favorite people could barely be around each other.

Felicity walked through Starling making her way towards the cemetery where her parents had been buried without even really thinking, she was silently hoping that she looked awful enough that no one would notice her. That was the last thing that she wanted to deal with today, it was only noon and she was ready to go back to bed.

It took her an hour to get there but she finally did, she walked up to her parents' graves and she instantly began crying again. She couldn't help it, she hadn't been here since the day she buried them, it was always too hard for her. Today however she just needed to be here and just let everything out as if she were really talking to her parents.

She sat down on the ground in front of both of the headstones and just stared at them for a few moments before she started talking to them.

"Hey guys, I'm sorry that I haven't been here since the funeral. I was too busy getting high or drunk to ever come here and then I moved to LA and I haven't been back in Starling since. I know that's not an excuse but still, that's my reasoning and I'm sticking to it." Felicity gave a watery chuckle and sniffed as she took a shaky breath.

"I don't know what to do, I have been so lost ever since the accident, I'm sure you saw all of that though. You probably saw me become an addict, just because I couldn't bear the thought of the two of you never being by my side again. I sometimes still cry over the thought of you two not being just down the hall whenever I needed advice on something. In the midst of all that mess I lost the only good thing in my life, well I thought so at the time. You guys...I had this whole vison of what our relationship was like but the more that I look at it the more wrong I was. It wasn't as perfect as I thought it was. He wasn't always there when I needed him even before the accident, he was a party boy and flirted with other girls, nothing serious but enough that I would get angry and he would never change.

"Then after the accident when I needed him to be there the most he wasn't, I was so desperate for him to see how broken I was, and he never did. He never tried to get me to stop he just stood on the sidelines and watch it happen, he watched me break and never did a damn thing about it. I know that he loved me in whatever way he could but that just wasn't enough for me, it still isn't. Maybe he has changed, I mean it has been five years, but I still don't exactly trust him not to leave again. I know that Thea is correct in maybe he does deserve to know that I was there that day, but I don't think that it's going to make too much of a difference. We both needed this time apart to grow, I am content with the decisions I have made, I can't change them and I know that, but they have made me into the woman that I am and I love who she is.

"God, I wish that the two of you were here, to at the very least yell at me for screwing up my life, but I mostly wish that I could just hear your voices and give you both one more hug. I wish I could hear you guys tell me that you're proud of me for pursuing my dreams and making them become a reality. I wish that you both could be here to see me succeed, to see me in my career or to watch me sing, I know that you both always wanted me to be happy doing whatever it was that I wanted to do. I just want you two to know that I am very happy in my life, sure things might not be exactly how I would like them to be going...but I am really happy with how things turned out. Even if it took me hitting rock bottom three separate times, I know that you both would be happy for me and support me. Well support me in my healthy choices." Felicity laughed and took her first really deep and fulfilling breath that she had taken since leaving Thea's apartment as tears continued to move down her cheeks.

"I didn't even try to call him or text him or even go and see him, but then again neither did he. I left for LA a week later and moved on. We broke each other's hearts, we never intended to but, that's what occurred, and we need to learn to live with that." Felicity took a steadying breath; the tears were free flowing down her face as if someone opened a faucet and just left it running. She didn't even think that she would be able to stop it if she wanted to.

"I don't know what to do, I want to tell him, but he is engaged to another woman who seems to love him like I did before everything happened between us. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I planted that seed of doubt in his mind and he broke things off with McKenna. She doesn't deserve that, but she also doesn't deserve to be in a relationship where she is being lied to. All that I know is that he is angry with me because I never tried to give us a shot and he thought that I never valued him in any way, that's what really gets me. He is being a hypocrite about all of this, thinking that he didn't do anything wrong. Maybe telling him everything that I'm thinking and feeling might help things, but they could also very well destroy everything and not just between us two." Felicity was finally starting to calm down as her breathing evened out and the tears had finally eased up to the point of only a few tears falling every so often.

"I didn't think that I was ever going to be able to come back here but I am really happy that I did, I know that you guys are listening in whatever way you both can." Felicity stood up and looked down at both of the graves and closed her eyes and pictured both of them with smiles on their faces. It was getting harder and harder to picture it with every passing day and that broke her heart into a million tiny pieces. She bent down and gave both headstones a quick kiss before making her way out of the cemetery and back in the direction of Thea's apartment.

Felicity felt as if a weight had been lifted off of her shoulders as she made her way back, just getting everything out and just saying everything out loud made it all very real. It brought it all into perspective and she was really grateful that she decided to do all of this. She finally got over her irrational fear of going to her parents' graves, now that she had done it, she felt free in a sense. She knew that she wasn't whole and healed but she could definitely admit that for once she was heading in the right direction.


	5. Chapter 5

_Felicity felt as if a weight had been lifted off of her shoulders as she made her way back, just getting everything out and just saying everything out loud made it all very real. It brought it all into perspective and she was really grateful that she decided to do all of this. She finally got over her irrational fear of going to her parents' graves, now that she had done it, she felt free in a sense. She knew that she wasn't whole and healed but she could definitely admit that for once she was heading in the right direction._

Felicity made it back to the apartment and felt better after visiting her parents grave, she opened the door thankful that the door was unlocked considering she left without thinking to grab a spare key. She walked through the door and saw Thea sitting on the couch more than likely waiting for her to come back so that she knew that she was okay.

Felicity walked across the apartment floor and stopped in front of the couch, facing Thea and took a deep breath before sitting down next to her, sideways on the couch so that she could look at the other woman.

"Where did you go? You have been gone for hours." Thea was concerned that she might have pushed a little bit too far and caused Felicity to go out and do something that she would ultimately regret.

"I went to the cemetery; I visited my parents actually and had a nice talk with them… well not so much of a talk as I sat there and ranted about everything. Most days I wish I could just go into my parents' room and talk to my mom about things that are going on in my life. I sometimes actually forget that I can't do that anymore, it's a strange feeling." Felicity chuckled and shook her head, shaking away the onslaught of tears that were about to start falling down her cheeks.

Thea looked at her thankful that Felicity was okay, Thea turned off the TV and turned towards Felicity fully prepared to listen to whatever the girl needed to say or get out and then apologize to her.

"I'm glad that you got to have that moment with them and go visit them, I can't even begin to imagine how hard that must have been...I also want to apologize for trying to force you to make a decision that you didn't want to make. I am sticking to the fact that I want you to tell him but that should be your decision to make and not mine. I also never knew the full situation and never knew how bad it got between you too." Thea apologized knowing that she pushed really hard and that was wrong of her.

"Thanks. I know that your heart was in the right place and I guess that's what matters. I thought about it, I am still thinking about what to do, my gut is telling me to tell him, but I know that would be a selfish thing to do. Everything works two ways here; he also didn't try to fight for me as well. I may have started things but also ran away from the situation. Besides McKenna and him seem to have a really good thing going and I don't want to ruin that by pulling a Rachel from Friends and doing the equivalent of flying to London to ruin Ross's wedding." Felicity chuckled at her own joke before she sighed and ran a hand through her hair. Thea laughed at the reference and shook her head.

"Okay first off, for being a certifiable genius you're kind of an idiot most of the time. Secondly, the difference between the Ross and Rachel situation and you and Oliver is the fact that Ross actually loved Emily. It's obvious that Oliver isn't in love with McKenna, he may love her sure. But he hasn't ever looked at her the way that he used to look at you, like you hung the moon and the stars. I may have been young when you two were together but even I could see that he was in love with you, we all could." Thea pointed out hoping that she wasn't over stepping again and would make Felicity angry.

Felicity sighed and looked up to the ceiling praying to whatever god was up there to give her whatever strength they possibly could to get through the rest of this trip and possibly talk to Oliver again.

"That may be Thea but if he loved me as much as you say that he did why didn't he try? Why did he barely talk to me that summer? He watched me go through everything and barely tried to help me. I understand that we were kids and it was a situation that he might not have been able to handle but that still doesn't make it right. I'm not justifying what I did in anyway and I have come to terms with the fact that Oliver did whatever he could whether it was right or not, things are done and over with and can't be changed, but that doesn't mean that he is in the right.

"Plus telling him just feels selfish in a way, to tell him about something that happened five years ago between us, even if it might have changed the course of our relationship. It feels like I am intentionally trying to break him and McKenna up which wouldn't be my intention, he seems like he has moved on. If I was in his place I don't know if I would want this piece of information." Felicity was at war with herself, she didn't know what to do. She wanted to tell Oliver because she wanted what they had back, she wanted that sense of safety and security and that friendship that they had. Even if the relationship that they had back then wasn't exactly the healthiest she still missed the sense of safety she always got from being with him.

"Moved on is a strong term to use when talking about what Oliver did, he found _the first girl _who he saw had any interest in him and just started dating her. He used her as a rebound and as a distraction from what he was really feeling which is that he was still in love with you. We both know that marrying your rebound is never a good idea no matter how appealing it may seem. I wouldn't have even brought this up if I thought that Oliver was going to be even remotely happy with McKenna. He may think that he can live happily ever after with her but it's not true, he barely ever brings her around or even mentions her at weekly breakfast. Today all that he could talk about is you and nothing else, he has made it a point to ask at least once a month for the past _five years_ how you have been doing. He still cares Felicity; he is just too scared to admit it because he doesn't want to get hurt again.

"Now does this make him a dick for what he is currently doing to McKenna? Yes, but he is settling I am sure of that. He probably doesn't think that he is ever going to find a love like he had with you. It doesn't make what he is doing right, and I don't want to defend him, but I can tell that he has changed. He is stuck in a routine the feels comfortable and probably doesn't want to get out. With the right reason too however, he might break that habit." Thea was trying to help Felicity see that Oliver still loved her, Oliver never moved on and Thea was 100% certain of that. Felicity was correct in not trusting him to not run when things got hard because that was his MO but if he thought that he had a chance at having that love back that he had with Felicity then he might fight a hell of a lot harder than he did before.

Felicity looked at Thea for a short while before looking out the giant floor to ceiling windows that the apartment had overlooking the city. Felicity closed her eyes and let herself imagine for the first time in five years what it would be like to have a future with Oliver, what it would be like to be loved by him again. Even she had to admit that the thought of it still made her heart flutter, she had been searching for this feeling and this kind of love since she moved to LA. Felicity was beginning to see that it was a once in a lifetime feeling and that she should have fought a hell of a lot harder than she did for it. She wasn't ever going to find that feeling again with someone else, the only person she wanted this future with was Oliver. It was all about whether or not she could trust him to stick by her side and fight for her as well, she wasn't going to be in this fight alone.

"Just sit on the idea and play with it, however mom does want to have all of us kids over for dinner tomorrow night." Thea says leaving out the fact that this dinner was all her idea and a ruse to get Felicity and Oliver in the same room together so that they would finally have a chance to at the very least catch up. With the ulterior motive of trying to get them to talk their shit out.

"Tomorrow? Why not wait until Robert is out of the hospital?" Felicity wasn't buying that this was all Moira's doing and that it was just an innocent dinner, Felicity has known the Queen's most of her life and knew fairly well how they operated. There was no way that this wasn't some sort of ploy, most likely concocted by Thea, to get her and Oliver into the same room and finally have an honest conversation.

"Well we don't know when dad will be healthy enough to leave the hospital and since you can only be here for two weeks mom doesn't want to wait." Thea tries to reason and hopefully convince Felicity to come or this whole plan would have been a bust.

Felicity sighs and smiles, shaking her head not believing that she is about to agree to this dinner knowing full well that this was all probably somehow apart of some 'brilliant' plan that the two Queen women had concocted. Nonetheless she knew not to say no to either of them, they could be evil and conniving if they didn't get their way.

"Fine. I'll come to this dinner, but I want to make it perfectly clear that I see right through this blatant lie. I know you and your mother well enough to know that there is an ulterior motive behind this dinner."

"That's fair, I wouldn't expect anything less from you. You always were the smarter one between you and Ollie, plus you were always able to read us like an open book and see right through all of our games." Thea smiled sending a wink in Felicity's direction and grabbing her hand giving it a gentle squeeze.

"If things don't work out between you and Oliver and you two can't even maybe become friends, just know that the rest of us Queens will always be on your side and rooting for you to win. We have always considered you family no matter what happens."

Felicity starts tearing up against her better judgement and pulls Thea into a tight hug. This woman had turned into a sister over the years and she was so incredibly grateful that all of the Queens stayed by her side and treated her like family. It was exactly what she needed in order to get through this life. No matter what the gossip magazines said about them, about how they are ruthless compulsive liars. Felicity always knew the truth, that they were the most caring and loving family she had ever had the chance of being a part of. They protected their own no matter what and loved each other without any sort of judgement.

"Thank you Speedy, I honestly can't express to you how much that means to me." Felicity pulled away from the hug just as a few tears ran down her face and Thea quickly moved to wipe them away which made Felicity smile.

"I don't know how I would have gotten through all of this if I didn't have you Queens standing behind me and cheering me on. It means the world to me to know that I have the three of you in my corner no matter what." Felicity smiled and gave Thea a quick kiss on the cheek and then stood up from the couch, it was only four in the afternoon, but it felt like it was time for bed considering how much she had done today and how exhausted she felt.

"Alright, it's time for me to take a shower because I walked a great distance and I stink. What else are you doing today? I figured that if you wanted, we could go and see your dad at the hospital while we have time and then go and grab something to eat." Felicity said as she stopped at the bottom of the stairs and turned around to look at Thea.

"I would love to go and visit dad, but I can only stay an hour or so and I will have to ask for a raincheck on dinner. I have a date with Roy tonight and I already cancelled last time so I can't cancel tonight." Thea smiled apologetically at Felicity knowing that she would understand.

"It's okay! How's that going? You and Roy I mean, he's all that you seem to talk about when we Facetime." Felicity chuckles as she jokes with her trying to get information out of the girl.

"Things are going really well, mom doesn't like him very much, but that's only because he doesn't have money and that bothers her. She has told me that she thinks that he is a good guy but makes a face whenever she mentions that he is from the glades. Frankly it makes me like him even more knowing that it bothers her." Thea laughs thinking back to the look on her mom's face when she told her parents that she was dating someone from the glades.

"I don't know why she thinks that it's a big deal, I grew up in the glades and she likes me perfectly fine." Felicity commented knowing that Moria didn't like the man probably just because no one would ever be good enough for her little girl.

"She will never admit this, but she didn't exactly approve of Oliver's friendship with you at first either for the exact same reason. Your mom however told her off and said how she shouldn't judge someone, or a family based off of how much money they had, after that I think my mom grew a lot of respect for your mother for standing up to her. Plus, you were a really cute kid from what I remember and helped Oliver a lot in school so that also helped." Thea admitted and by the look on Felicity's face this was all brand-new information to the woman.

"How do you know all of this? You were only five when me and Oliver met and became friends." Felicity wasn't exactly surprised hearing all of this, Moira wasn't exactly the most welcoming. She had witnessed this first hand when Oliver brought home another friend of theirs from high school John Diggle who was also from the glades. Felicity remembers Moira acting civil but always had a look on her face like she was better than him, then she got to know him and realized that he was a very polite man and welcomed him in with open arms. Moira had an amazing heart once you got to know her and got on her good side, but before that she tended to be a very cold and unforgiving woman.

"I heard her talking about it one day with your mom years after you and Oliver started dating, I don't remember what exactly they were talking about. I do remember hearing that story however and I thought it was strange because I never remember her acting differently towards you or treating you differently. Then again I was five and I don't exactly remember much before you were friends with Oliver." Thea admitted.

"Well this has definitely been one eye opening day that's for sure." Felicity commented laughing lightly before turning around and walking up the stairs to go take a shower. The information still swirling around in her brain, it all made sense knowing who Moira was deep down, but it still didn't justify her judging people based on their financial stability. She hopped in the shower letting her mind be void of anything and just let herself relax for the first time in days.

Felicity came back down an hour later freshly showered and ready to go and visit Robert for an hour or so. She hadn't spoken to him in a few months because they had both been so busy, him with Queen Inc. and her with working on her new album and promoting it. She felt guilty for not calling him and keeping him updated on what's going on. After her parents died, he was always one of her biggest supporters. She had grown to think of him as a second dad, he was always making sure that she was okay and looking out for her.

She would never forget when a record label tried to scam her and take advantage of her and Robert found out, he got in contact with one of his old buddies from University who is a lawyer in the music industry and he threatened the scammers to stay away from her or he would make sure that their careers in the music industry would be tanked and no one would ever want to work with them again. She will be the first to admit that he went overboard and didn't need to go that deep, but she would always be incredibly grateful. He always looked out for her like a dad would and she didn't know what she would do without him cheering her on and giving her advice from time to time.

Felicity walked down the stairs excited to go to the hospital and see Robert, she missed him, she wished that she was seeing him under different circumstances, but she was just glad that she would get to see him.

"Alright Thea, you ready?" Felicity asked walking into the living room where Thea was sitting down on the couch watching whatever was on the TV.

"Yeah just about, do you mind driving? Then Roy can pick me up from the hospital." Thea said running her hand through her hair, Felicity could tell that the girl was stressed, and she was worried that she wasn't giving herself the proper time to digest everything that was happening.

"You sure that you're okay? You look...well honestly Thea you kind of look like shit. I have barely seen you stop moving since I got here, you need to take a break and process everything that's going on." Felicity didn't know how to say it without it coming out sounding just like how it did, rude. However, Felicity knew that Thea wouldn't take any offense to it.

"Have you given yourself time to just...be? There's a lot going on right now and maybe running yourself dry just trying to stay above water isn't helping." Felicity was never nervous telling Thea exactly what she was thinking especially when it concerned her health.

"I'm fine." Thea said as she got up and moved around Felicity to go and get her coat. Felicity didn't let her get very far before grabbing her wrist and stopping her in her tracks, she wasn't going to let her get away that easily.

"No. You aren't, and you need to talk about what's going on. I know you. You are going to walk around with all of these bottled emotions and never talk about any of them, that's not healthy." Felicity pauses trying to put together the right words to say in order for Thea to really hear what she is trying to say.

"When my parents first died, I didn't share anything, all that I did was start drinking because all I could feel was this unbearable pain and drinking helped me not feel that. I didn't talk to anyone because I was scared and ashamed and didn't want to be vulnerable around anyone, even if that meant hurting twice as badly. It's the reason me and your brother broke up, I never really told you what happened that night. The thing that I regret the most is the fact that I never confided in him like I should have, we would probably still be together if I would have just talked about things with him. Your situation might be different than mine, but you still need to talk to someone, carrying on like nothing is wrong is not okay."

Thea sighed and looked down at her hands knowing that Felicity was right, about everything. "I never told Roy; he knows that he had a heart attack, but he doesn't know that I was there, I just didn't know how to tell him what happened. I know that he would help me through things, but I just can't seem to be able to tell him what is going on."

Felicity smiled sadly at Thea knowing _exactly_ what she is saying, that was exactly how Felicity felt with Oliver, she just didn't know how to put her feelings into words. Felicity gently set her hand on Thea's shoulder and looked at her with a small smile on her face.

"Just talk to him, say it as best as you can and I promise you that if he is the man that you say he is then he will know what to say to help you. Now, let's get down to the hospital and see your dad. I'm sure that he wants nothing more than to see your smiling face." Felicity smiled and walked towards the door more than ready to go and visit with Robert.

"Alright let's get going. I'm gonna call Roy and ask him if we can postpone, I think spending the day with you and dad is just what I need at the moment." Thea smiled as Felicity grabbed her car keys and the two of them made their way out of the apartment.

Felicity and Thea walked into the hospital room and were surprised to see Oliver and McKenna already sitting in the room along with Robert, Felicity immediately cursed whatever God there was for wanting to torture her. Oliver and McKenna both looked up at both of them as they walked in and she gave them a small smile hoping to break the tension.

Thea walked into the room and immediately went to her father's side giving him a gentle hug and Robert reciprocated the gesture not noticing that Felicity walked in with Thea.

"I'm glad that you're okay daddy." Thea whispered making Robert smile and rub her back in a comforting gesture.

"Me too baby girl." Robert's smile grew as he pulled away from the hug and looked towards the door to see Felicity standing there and his smile grew even bigger. The two had not seen each other in nearly three years.

"Felicity? What a sight for sore eyes, how are you sweetheart?" Robert asked as Felicity walked further into the hospital room and walked towards the bed giving him a hug and then made her way towards the foot of the bed, gently setting her hands on his feet.

"I should be asking you that, how are feeling? Your chest feel like you were hit back a train?" Felicity asked knowing full well what if felt like to have a heart attack and survive it.

"Yes actually, any movement feels like I'm being stabbed. They have me on some goods drugs though, so it doesn't hurt too much." Robert joked making everyone in the room smile and laugh, at least he could joke about this.

"Yeah that sounds familiar, it subsides after a few weeks, but it hurts like a bitch, I complained for weeks." Felicity joked making Robert laugh lightly but wince afterwards from jostling his ribs, out of all the things that she thought that she would connect with Robert on, having a heart attack was not one of the things that popped into her head.

"I often forget that you went through all of this." Robert said a sober look on his face wondering how terrible that must have been for an 18-year-old to go through almost completely on her own. Robert had a new found respect for the young woman standing in front of him.

"Yup, been around the block once or twice. I know all of the ins and outs of the hospital, especially how to get the nurses to give you the good Jell-O." Felicity said sending Robert a conspiring wink making everyone in the room share a laugh. 

"That was only because you flirted with whatever nurse walked into your room, male or female might I add." Oliver made the off handed comment making everyone laugh, Felicity looked over at him and she _almost_ saw the best friend that she missed so much hiding behind the little bit of resentment in his eyes. On the bright side, he seemed to not be angry like he was before, and she would take that as an improvement.

"You gotta do what you gotta do in order to get the good Jell-O, it's a dog eat dog world out there. Besides I never heard you complaining." Felicity joked and realized what she said, she sighed knowing that everyone had heard her and everyone in the room except one, very clueless person, knew the context behind the comment. She missed being able to have this kind of banter with him and not feeling weird about it.

"Well that was mainly because I was also stealing most of that Jell-O while you were sleeping." Oliver said and smiled at her making Felicity's heart jump in her chest, maybe he didn't hate her as much as she previously thought that he did.

"I knew it! You never admitted it, but I always had the suspicion that you were the Jell-O thief. I worked hard for that Jell-O and all that you did was steal it out from under me." Felicity joked and shook her head hoping that this feeling would last, this feeling that maybe they could be on good terms again.

"You never ended up finishing all of the Jell-O anyways, your aunt and I would sit there and share it wondering how in the span of the hour that we were both gone that you managed to wrangle so many nurses for that much Jell-O" Oliver said remembering those moments when she was in the hospital after the accident, before things got messy between them. Remembering simpler times made him wish that he could have them back.

"We should probably get going babe, we have to go look at that venue for the wedding." McKenna said making Felicity feel slightly guilty that she completely forgot that the woman was even there. She hadn't thought about Oliver in this light in a while, the playful and joking side. She had been so focused on the bad stuff for so long and slightly hating him that she forgot that he actually was one of the only people to make her laugh.

"Yeah, we should probably get going, it was good seeing you dad. I'm really glad that you are doing better. I guess I will see both of you at mom's tomorrow night for dinner." Oliver said looking almost pained to say that sentence even after their nice moment that they just had. She couldn't exactly decipher why he felt so pained about the whole thing, she would probably find out soon enough.

"McKenna are you tagging along as well?" Felicity asked genuinely curious about this suspicious dinner that Moira and Thea seemed to be hosting.

"Oh no, I figured I would give all of you guys a chance to catch up. Plus, I could use a night to myself, all of this wedding planning is really starting to get to me and stress me out." McKenna said not realizing the implications behind this dinner. Felicity looked over at Thea narrowing her eyes at her, now really knowing that this wasn't such an innocent dinner. Granted it's not like Thea and Moira didn't purposefully invite McKenna but, Felicity would bet money that they didn't tell Oliver to bring her.

"Yup. Guess you will Ollie." Thea said trying her hardest to get Oliver to leave the hospital room before Felicity set her on fire with just a look.

Oliver smiled at all of them as McKenna waved goodbye to all of them as Oliver ushered her out of the room with his hand on the small of her back. Once he was fully out of ear shot Felicity smacked Thea on the shoulder.

"Ow! What the hell was that for?" Thea asked slightly shocked that Felicity would result to violence so quickly.

"Did you and your mother have to threaten his life or something to get him to come to this ridiculous dinner the two of you are planning? He looked like he was in actual pain at even the thought of going to this ridiculous charade." Felicity was mostly embarrassed at the notion of this dinner, she really hoped that Oliver somehow knew that she wanted to be at this dinner even less than he did and that she had nothing to do with it.

Robert looked between the two of them with a small smile on his face wondering what his wife and daughter were concocting. He knew that they always wished that Oliver and Felicity had worked harder to make their relationship work, but he never really thought that they would try and play matchmaker while Oliver was engaged to another woman.

"I have no idea what you are talking about." Thea tried to play innocent but wasn't very good at it and Felicity and Robert saw right through it.

"Thea...What are you and your mother up to?" Robert warned wanting to know what they were up to and hopefully help put a stop to their devious plan. However secretly he wanted to see how all of this was going to play out, he liked Felicity and if her and Oliver could possibly work things out he wouldn't be opposed to the idea.

"Nothing! Mom wanted to have a nice dinner with all of us together while Felicity was still in town, that's really what this is about. However, if the two idiots end up having an adult conversation about the past well...then I would call the night a success." Thea said trying to play coy, but no one was buying it.

"Oh? Then why isn't McKenna coming? I don't see any reason why she wouldn't come." Felicity said a little peeved that the two Queen women were trying this hard to meddle in her and Oliver's business.

"Well that is technically on McKenna, like you heard she needs a night to herself...and mom may have said that she wanted it to be 'just the kids' when she talked to Oliver." Thea finally admitted knowing that neither her dad nor Felicity were going to be very happy about this new information. Thea knew that her dad always hated when Moira and Thea would meddle in things that weren't any of their business.

"Thea...you and your mother really need to learn to keep out of your brother's personal life. If he and Felicity wanted to talk then they would. However, the two of you do need to have some sort of conversation, he still sees you as that girl that broke his heart. You two might be able to be friends again if you just had a conversation." Robert commented knowing that out of the two of them, Felicity was most likely to listen to his advice.

"I know that we do at the very least need to talk about things but it's kinda hard, when on one hand I want to yell at him for being an idiot and never trying to fight for me and then on the other I just want to tell him how much I miss having him in my life." Felicity admitted.

"Just talk to him tomorrow and see where it leads, maybe you will both finally find some sort of closure that you both need in order to move on with your lives. Whether that means yelling at him or telling him you miss him, just let things play out." Robert says feeling sorry for her, he wanted to see her happy whatever that meant. He knew from the many conversations they had that she wasn't over what happened in the past, but he was hoping that she would find the closure that she needed to move on be happy again.

"Or...maybe you have a conversation and realize that you are both still madly in love with each other and you two will be the ones getting married instead of McKenna and Oliver." Thea says causing Felicity to send her a glare and roll her eyes.

"You watch too many romantic comedies, there's no way that's going to happen. I will have a conversation with him tomorrow night and see where that leads us." Felicity admitted hoping that maybe Robert was right, and she could find the closure that she needed. Maybe she could actually move on from Oliver and what had happened in the past, maybe she didn't need Oliver. Maybe she just thought that she did because he was the only guy that she had really ever loved, but there were plenty of other fish in the sea, right? Maybe she could finally move on from all of this, she would find out tomorrow whether or not that were to be true.


	6. Chapter 6

"_You watch too many romantic comedies, there's no way that's going to happen. I will have a conversation with him tomorrow night and see where that leads us." Felicity admitted hoping that maybe Robert was right, and she could find the closure that she needed. Maybe she could actually move on from Oliver and what had happened in the past, maybe she didn't need Oliver. Maybe she just thought that she did because he was the only guy that she had really ever loved, but there were plenty of other fish in the sea, right? Maybe she could finally move on from all of this, she would find out tomorrow whether or not that were to be true._

Felicity and Thea spent the rest of the day with Robert, the only reason that the two of them left was because Robert's nurse was politely telling them to get out because the man needed to rest. The two women went back to the apartment and spent the rest of their night hanging out like old times and watching sappy movies which wasn't helping Thea's romantic mood about Felicity and Oliver potentially getting back together.

When they finally went their separate ways for the night Felicity spent most of the night staring at her ceiling wondering exactly what she should do about this stupidly ridiculous dinner that her and Oliver had been trapped into attending. She knew that Oliver more than likely had caught onto what the two of them were doing and probably saw right through it, but he also knew better than to say no to Moira Queen. So now here they were attending a dinner in which was apparently a ruse to get them to have an actual conversation like the adults that they claimed to be.

The one real thing that bothered Felicity the most was the fact that McKenna was under the impression that she was just a really good family friend of Oliver's instead of somehow knowing that she was the ex that broke her fiancée's heart. The truth was hidden under a bold-faced lie that Oliver somehow decided not to tell her, which in a weird way made Felicity feel sleazy. Like her and Oliver were keeping a secret from the woman, like everyone was, and she didn't like what this feeling did to her. She felt cheap and she didn't appreciate having to keep Oliver's secret for him, she hated the look that he gave her at the hospital practically begging her not to spill the beans. She wanted to punch that look right off of his face.

This also made her feel like maybe she didn't matter to Oliver as much as he mattered to her, maybe she was mistaken and that there wasn't any chance that he could ever have feelings for her. She had been listening to Thea for too long, he had moved on, at least that's what it looked like to her anyways. Maybe her life in fact wasn'tsome romantic comedy like she was secretly hoping that it was; where after five years apart the two main characters in the movie were _obviously _still in love with each other, but that never happens. Real life wasn't that magical or serendipitous.

Why was it that it seemed that for the past five and a half years the world kind of seemed to have it out for her? Don't get her wrong she knew how lucky she was to have the career that she did and to be doing what she loves and have an amazing support system. But it seemed that everything having to do with her happiness and love life she seemed to be completely unlucky in that regard. Every time that she tried to move on and date again it turned out awful and she ended up alone again, yet the first girl that Oliver finds for himself he seems to be happy with her, at least it seemed that way.

Who was she lying to? It was only her in her bedroom at 2 in the morning. She could read Oliver just as well as he could read her, she could tell that his smile wasn't real and that he wasn't as happy as he wanted everyone to think that he was. She could tell that he was in fact marrying his rebound and probably hoping that things were going to work out in his favor, but she wasn't self-absorbed enough to think that it was all because of her. She wanted to maybe think that it was but there were a million and a half reasons why he could be feeling the way that he was and giving her vibes that he wasn't happy, maybe he and McKenna had just had a fight and are putting on a good face for others. That seemed like a plausible enough reason, right? She would continue to tell herself this until she was blue in the face or she got a more plausible answer from Oliver. She wasn't about to bother him about his relationship with McKenna mainly because it was none of her business and she was trying as hard as she could to get herself not to care what Oliver did in his free time. It was his business and not hers.

Felicity turned onto her stomach trying to actually get some sleep so that she didn't go to this dinner looking like a total train wreck for not getting any sleep. Unfortunately, that's not how the night ended up working out for her.

Felicity was in the back seat while both of her parents were in the front seat driving and laughing at something that her dad must have said, they both started to gush about how proud they were of Felicity for graduating and how they couldn't believe how fast their baby girl had grown up. Felicity's heart immediately started racing knowing what was going to happen next.

"DAD LOOK OUT!" Felicity screamed but she was too late and the other car T-boned them sending them into a spiral and making Felicity jerk awake with a scream.

"NO!" Felicity screamed and bolted awake her breathing jagged as she couldn't seem to catch her breath, all that she could see whenever she closed her eyes was the headlights from the car that hit them over and over again.

It took Felicity a few moments to realize that she wasn't at home in LA and that she was in Starling at Thea's, she took a few steadying breaths as she felt the start of a panic attack come on. She felt a weight on her chest getting heavier and heavier as her head started to fog up and it felt as if her throat was going to close up and like she might pass out.

Thea ran into the room a few seconds later with a terrified look on her face while looking at Felicity to make sure that she was really okay.

"Are you okay? I woke up to you screaming, is everything alright?" Thea asked as she slowly made her way into the room worried that Felicity was going to start bursting into tears at any minute.

Felicity took a few slow and deep breaths just like her therapist has taught her whenever she had these nightmares, she started grounding herself and ignored Thea for a few moments. It was working for the most part until the tears started rolling down her face and all she could hear was the sound of her screams and the sound of metal crunching. Felicity started sobbing and Thea immediately made a move to wrap her arms around Felicity which she welcomed. Felicity melted into Thea's arms as she cried herself out for the first time in years.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Thea asked as Felicity pulled away from her and wiped at her cheeks, she sniffled and took another deep breath.

"I was in the car and reliving it all over again, I screamed to my dad to look out but it was too late at that point. The car hit us and then I woke up...I normally have these dreams when I'm anxious or scared which never helps my nerves to calm down and normally makes everything worse." Felicity was starting to calm down further the more she talked about it and took deep, calming breaths, she could close her eyes and not see her parents in the front seat of the car or hear the sound of the car rolling and spinning over and over again. However she was unable to stop herself from continuing to cry, this often happened sometimes when these dreams would come on. She would continue to cry for hours and hours until she finally passed out from exhaustion and the next morning she would be left with a killer headache.

"Do you have these dreams often?" Thea asked hoping that maybe if they talked about them Felicity would be able to calm down a smidge.

"They normally come on when I am stressed, which evidently makes my anxiety and stress go through the roof so in the end they make everything worse." Felicity sniffled as she continued to sob as the events started to play in her head again, she tried to shake her head to make them go away but it was no use. Felicity bent forward letting her head fall into her hands as she tried to ground herself and take steadying breaths.

Thea rubbed her back trying to comfort her in some way. She hated seeing her friend like this, she hated seeing her in so much pain and she didn't exactly know how to help her. She wanted to tell her that everything was going to work out and be okay but that would be a lie and she knows it. She knows that she would be giving her a falsehood and that wouldn't do anything but probably upset her more.

"Ya know...if it makes you feel any better when I get stressed, I normally eat my weight in whatever I can find." Thea jokes in the hope that it would at the very least make Felicity laugh.

Felicity lifter her head tears still slowly making their way down her cheeks as she looks up at Thea. She narrows her eyes at the girl trying to digest what she just said, suddenly she bursts into laughter and shakes her head.

"What does that have anything to do with anything?" Felicity asks as she sits up completely looking at Thea with a complete smile on her face as she continues to laugh which makes Thea happy to know that she could help.

"Nothing. I just wanted to try and take your mind off of your dream and make you laugh, but now I am starving for a giant bowl of ice cream." Thea frowned now wanting to actually eat something, but it was 3 in the morning and probably not the best idea.

Felicity laughed some more before finally settling down with a small smile on her face, she was grateful for Thea and to have her here to calm her down. She would have ended up sitting here all-night crying and then she would have just been in a terrible mood all day, would have made dinner with the Queens almost unbearable.

"Yeah I could do with one right about now but the hangover from crying so much is going to be unbearable enough without a sugar headache as well." Felicity smiled and took a deep steadying breath feeling better than she did before, hopefully she would be able to make it through the rest of the night without a nightmare.

"Well seeing as it's 3 in the morning I will leave you to get some more sleep and hopefully feel better by tomorrow." Thea said and gave Felicity a quick kiss on the forehead.

"Hey Thea, thanks. I appreciate you coming in here and trying to calm me down, it means a lot, honestly." Felicity said as the younger woman was about to leave the room, Felicity really was incredibly grateful that she did have Thea standing behind her. It means a lot knowing that she had her by her side no matter what happened in either of their lives she would always be there.

"Yeah of course, what are friends for if not to comfort them after having intense nightmares?" Thea joked making both of them laugh, Felicity looked down at her hands and nodded.

"Right. Go and get some sleep, at least one of us should have a good night sleep for tomorrow's festivities." Felicity commented as Thea smiled and left the room leaving Felicity alone with her thoughts, which of course ended up drifting to her parents and then to the past in general.

She thought about the last six years of her life and how everything has completely changed for her in more ways than one. She knows that she shouldn't be thinking about the past because it's never good to dwell, but she can't help it and want to go back to a simpler time. She wished that she could change so many things and make things right, especially with Oliver. She did miss being with him, but more than that she was missing her best friend. She hasn't been able to share anything with him since the day they broke up and there still were sometimes when something big happened that all she wanted to do was go call him and tell him all about it. All she really wants, more than anything, is to have her best friend back, she was silently hoping that this crazy dinner might give her that back at the very least.

Felicity knew that she needed to forget everything Thea had said and just move on, let Oliver marry McKenna because that was obviously what he wanted to do. She was adult enough to admit to herself that she had messed up and made a huge mistake, but she also was adult enough to admit that she didn't think that she was ever going to not be in love with Oliver. But if you love something then you should set it free, if that's what was really best and, in this case, Felicity thought that it was.

However, she also knew, from many months of therapy, that this wasn't entirely her fault either, that she shouldn't keep feeling like it is either. It was a hard habit to break but she was trying, she knew that Oliver was hardly there for her when her parents died and maybe if he would have been things would have turned out differently. She wasn't one to hold a grudge but she at the very least needed to acknowledge what happened after graduation. That was the beginning of the end for them and neither one of them could walk away scot free.

Felicity fell asleep that night not really dreaming but going through her and Oliver's good times in her head. Just reminiscing all of the good times that they had together, hopefully those can get her through the heart ache she was going to put herself through in order to set Oliver free from her heart.

Felicity woke up the next morning with a killer headache that felt oddly enough like a hangover, however this hangover was from crying and not from a night out partying which was good in some ways. Also horrible in other's considering she still had a headache in the first place, but she would take this over an actual hangover and not being able to remember anything from the night before any day.

Felicity made her way down the stairs and to the kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee, the actual love of her life. She closed her eyes and took a long sip and let herself sigh and fall against the counter, letting it support her weight as she just enjoyed her cup of coffee.

"With the noises you're making I half expect you to be having sex with that cup of coffee." Thea joked making Felicity jump and spill her coffee in the process.

Felicity opened her eyes and looked up to see Thea sitting at the breakfast bar with the paper and her own cup of coffee, Felicity threw her hand over her chest taking short breaths trying to calm her racing heart.

"Jesus Speedy! Have you been there the whole time?" Felicity asked wondering if maybe she was going blind or Thea walked like a ghost.

"I have been sitting here the whole time, even said good morning but you ignored me, went straight for the coffee instead," Thea smiled and shook her head taking another sip of her own cup.

Felicity set her cup down and grabbed some paper towel cleaning up the mess before focusing back on her conversation with Thea.

"Yeah I have a killer headache from crying last night so I probably didn't even see you sitting there." Felicity said taking another gulp of her coffee hoping that it will cure her horrible headache.

"Well doesn't that make me feel special." Thea retorted making Felicity roll her eyes and chuckled light-heartedly at her comment. Felicity shook her head taking another sip of her coffee feeling only slightly better.

"Oh, don't be dramatic, you know I love you." Felicity smiled and downed the rest of her cup and quickly washed and dried it surprising even herself that she seemed to feel so comfortable in this apartment.

"What are your plans for the day until dinner? Going out with Roy or something?" Felicity asked as she leaned against the counter again watching the other woman.

"No. I need to head to the club to check on some things, me and Roy talked about getting together but he has to work tonight so I might just try and get some extra work at the club done tonight before dinner. What about you? Have any plans?" Thea asked curious about what kind of self-torture Felicity was more than likely going to inflict on herself.

"Probably just going to work on some songs for the album, I sent my new one to my producer last night and he loved it and said to keep the ball rolling, so I am going to hopefully just play all day until something hits me." That was normally how it went before when she was in the studio, only this time she was completely alone and didn't have her producer and two expert songwriters sitting with her to bounce ideas off of.

"That actually sounds pretty fun. I am jealous of you; I wish I could do what you do and write songs." Thea always admired Felicity's creativity and her ability to put feeling down on paper and put a melody with it that just made sense.

"It is fun when you have a whole studio helping and you just jam for hours coming up with the perfect melody and harmony. It feels like magic sometimes, don't get me wrong it's complicated, but once you find the right words to say it almost turns into magic." Felicity was smiling brightly by the end of her little speech, the only thing in the whole world that actually relaxed her and made her forget all of her troubles was singing and songwriting.

"That sounds like magic, if what I witnessed yesterday was just a little bit of what you do in the studio then I have to say that you're off to an amazing start." Thea said getting up from her chair and washing her cup and plate from her breakfast same as Felicity.

"I would love to stay and chat, but I am going to head off to the club and maybe I will get everything done that I need to before leaving to go to dinner tonight."

"Are you coming back here beforehand, or do I need to find a ride there?" Felicity asked almost scared to hear Thea's response.

"I am tempted to tell you to ask Oliver for a ride, but I am not that cruel. I am coming back here before dinner so we can ride together don't worry." Thea laughed as she saw Felicity visibly relax when she told her that she would drive her to dinner.

"Do you get off by torturing me or something? Do you find some sick joy in it?" Felicity asked and laughed shaking her head as her heart rate started to lower.

Thea laughed as she walked around the island and grabbed her bag and looked back over at Felicity finding it amusing how bothered she was by all of this.

"Kind of, it's extremely amusing to watch you squirm." Thea gave her a wink before making her way towards the door ready to leave. "Have a good day love you!"

Felicity sighed and shook her head not responding to her out of sheer annoyance. Felicity knew that she shouldn't let Thea bother her mainly because she was just doing it to get a rise out of her. She couldn't help it though, sometimes Thea did and said such annoying things that she wanted to strangle her, even if what she was saying is sometimes completely true.

Felicity looked into the living room and saw that her guitar, notebook, and sheet music were all exactly where she left them yesterday. Why not at least try and get some work done while she sits here trying to do everything besides think about Oliver.

She picked up her guitar and immediately relaxed, she started playing random chords and humming along to them not really having anything in mind. Just messing around until she found something that she liked and sounded good together. She didn't know how long she had been playing before a line popped into her head.

"I'm just waiting for my heart to catch up with my head

I'll just give it time

And all the while I'll be here and keep trying to forget

That you were mine" Felicity stopped and just took in a breath focusing on the song and not the feelings that were behind it. What did she want to say with this melody that has popped into her head? How did she portray what she was feeling?

"'Cause I don't know how to give

Anything less than all of me

Baby just let me in

'Cause I'm all or nothing

I don't know how to give

Anything less than all of me

Baby just let me in

'Cause I'm all or nothing" Felicity took another deep and steadying breath to make sure that she had this right and that she was doing the song justice. She continued playing her guitar as the words tumbled out again. She kept repeating the same chorus over and over until she thought that it was perfect, until it felt perfect and felt how she was feeling in this moment.

She spent the next few hours writing the rest of the song and coming up with the perfect lyrics that made the most sense for what she wanted to say. She felt good about what she had done and the song that she had created, she looked at the clock and saw that it was closing in on five o'clock and that she should probably start getting ready. No matter how much she wanted to continue to tweak the melody for another song that she was trying to write.

Felicity stood in front of her bed and stared at the only two possible outfits that she had that would even come close to a fancy (and very suspicious) dinner at the Queen mansion. She chose the comfier option wanting to at least feel physically comfortable since emotionally and mentally she was more than likely not going to be. She chose a chunky knit black and grey sweater with a rust colored corduroy skirt, she tried really hard not to care how she looked considering it was only with the Queens, no big deal right? At least this is what she continued to tell herself so that she didn't feel completely unprepared for the night to come. She curled her hair and did her make-up in a natural tone not wanting to overdo it too much. She took a deep breath and gave herself a last once over in the mirror to make sure that she didn't look completely awful.

Thea texted her that she was downstairs and Felicity ran down there to meet her outside the front of the building, they spent most of the ride sharing small talk about their day, Thea obviously trying to get Felicity to tell her what her new song was about. Felicity respected her persistence but also didn't want Thea to make fun of her for writing another song about her feelings for Oliver.

They finally pulled up in front of the house and Felicity took another deep breath needing every bit of strength to get through tonight's festivities. They walked up to the house and walked right in and through the house to one of the many living rooms that they knew the mansion had, here goes nothing.

They walked in and Moira was sitting on the couch opposite Oliver facing the door, so she saw Thea and Felicity before he did. Felicity smiled at Moira and gave her a quick hug before looking at Oliver and her stomach began doing somersaults with the emotion that she saw behind Oliver's eyes. She thought that she would never see that look again while he looked at her, he was looking at her like he used to and it made her feel uneasy seeing that much emotion still behind his eyes; especially knowing he had a fiancé waiting for him at home. She almost wanted to tell him to back off because the look in his eyes made it seem like he still loved her as well.

What had changed? What made him look at her like he used to? She needed to know because it must have been something pretty huge for him to be looking at her like that.

This was going to be an interesting dinner that's for damn sure.


	7. Chapter 7

Beautiful. That was the first word that popped into his mind when Oliver first saw Felicity walk through the archway of the living room that night at dinner. He knew that he shouldn't be feeling this way about her, he knew the moment that he walked into that waiting room in the hospital and saw her that he was in trouble. Truth was, he never actually moved on from Felicity, he settled for McKenna because he thought that he was never going to get anyone better, which is awful, and he knows it. The moment Oliver laid eyes on Felicity at the hospital his heart skipped a beat at the thought of actually being in her presence again.

However, he knew that he couldn't be acting like that when he was getting married in less than three months, so he faked it all. He was always a good liar, so he acted as if he didn't want her around or wanted nothing to do with her in the hopes that he could force himself into actually feeling that way. But he didn't last very long considering he let his guard down after a few minutes around her, he was so back and forth about how he was acting around her that he was even confusing himself.

He still loved her, that much he knew for sure; he just wasn't sure how much until he started fantasizing about her and wishing that he wouldn't have been such a child five years ago. He barely even gave her a chance after graduation, he was just so completely hurt that he didn't know what to do. He thought giving her an ultimatum was going to 'save her' in some form but it obviously didn't do too much.

He can see now that she wasn't ready for the kind of change that he wanted from her and it still hurts but he understands that she had to go through everything and find herself. She was obviously doing amazing for herself and he was really proud of her for it, she got herself clean and healthy all on her own. Did he wish that she did that before they broke up? Of course, but that doesn't mean that he isn't insanely proud of the woman that she has turned into. Maybe the break up did them both some good.

He was so hurt when she didn't show up at the train station that day that he thought he wasn't ever going to be able to get through any of it. It was the worst heartache he had ever felt in his life and yes, he was angry with her, but he was angrier at himself than anyone else. He couldn't believe that he was stupid enough to not help her through everything and get her help. He was angry that he gave up so quickly, he knew now that love was about more than just being romantic and saying I love you. It was about sticking by each other no matter what and no matter how hard things got, you would always be there for your partner, and he wasn't with Felicity. In her worst time, at her rock bottom, he couldn't be there for her, he left because things got too hard and too real in such a short time frame. He didn't know how to handle any of it and he never told his parents what was going on either or they would have helped out in a heartbeat.

He had so many opportunities to help her in more than one way and he didn't, they were so young, and he wouldn't have even known where to begin with trying to help her. It was obvious now that he was older and was able to take a step back and look at the full situation, but he was so scared of her breaking his heart that he just jumped and broke hers instead. He thought that breaking things off with her would stop him from getting hurt but instead he just hurt them both in the process.

He wishes more than anything that he could take everything back and just redo everything knowing what he does now, but he knows how impossible that actually is.

So instead he stands here trying and failing not to look at her and tries to give her a look that says, 'stay away from me', instead it probably looked something like 'I'm still in love with you' and he really hated himself for it. He knows the minute that he started feeling these things he probably should have told McKenna the truth, but he was in so deep at this point he figured it would just complicate things even more. He also did not anticipate the spontaneous, albeit premeditated, dinner that his mother is throwing. He knew that Felicity could see through it as well, he still knew her well enough to know that she was coming to please his mother and because she was curious as to what the two had planned for the evening. Felicity always did hate mystery's; it was one of the things that got them into plenty of trouble during high school.

Oliver gave Thea a hug and gave Felicity a grim smile hoping that the facade was working, and it seemed to be, but he couldn't tell if she was just overall uncomfortable or not.

"Alright, well now that everyone is here why don't we grab a few drinks and then head into the dining room for dinner." Moira said directing everyone over to the bar, her being the ever-gracious host that she was. She got them all their drinks and then everyone started to make their way over to the dining room, Oliver was slightly more relaxed considering this was his second drink of the night. He downed his whiskey in one go and was about to make his way into the dining room with the rest of them.

"Careful there Oliver, that's how you form a habit." Felicity joked hoping to maybe ease the tension a bit.

Oliver stared at her for a second before responding with a smile trying his best to hold back but the liquor was not helping him in this situation at all.

"I'll make a note of that." Oliver said with a smile and he saw Felicity nod her head awkwardly out of the corner of his eye with an uncomfortable look on her face. He was starting to wonder why she stayed back with him and didn't follow his mom and sister into the dining room.

"Look I know that you are well aware that this is some weird play to try and get us to talk and be on some sort of good terms again and I just want you to know that I had nothing to do with it, I swear. I only really came because I miss Raisa's cooking and because I was curious as to what they were going to play at...Can we call a truce or something? I know that we never actually talked about what happened but I'm willing to if you are in order to get the vultures off of our backs." Felicity admitted nervously trying her best not to look him in the eye because she knew if she did, she would get lost in them.

Oliver could immediately tell that she was being honest and truthful, no matter how much he still loved her he still would always have a hard time trusting her after everything that they had been through. He did have to admit that it would be pretty simple to accept a truce between them, mainly for the satisfactory reason of A) getting Thea off of his back about everything and B) maybe he could actually have her back in his life as a friend. Although he knew that was a bad idea, anyone that tells you that you can be friends with someone that you used to be head over heels in love with is lying through their teeth. However, he wasn't going to let her off that easily, if she wanted a truce, he was going to make her work for it.

"A truce? What exactly do you think that will get us?" Oliver questioned a little too harshly by the way he made Felicity flinch slightly, maybe he did need to cut back on the alcohol, it was staring to make him into a dick.

"Well for starters it would get the two of them off our backs, and maybe...I don't know. Maybe we can actually talk; about what happened that summer. There's a lot that you still don't know, and I would honestly really appreciate it if we could sit down and have a conversation. I was supposed to have written you a letter when I was in rehab...all three times...but I could never find the right words to say to you. Making amends is always harder than it seems, kind of mortifying actually." Felicity admitted and Oliver wanted to do nothing but say yes and agree to talking things out and maybe getting his best friend back, but he wasn't sure if it was a good idea. His head was telling him to back off because he had a good thing going with McKenna and then his heart was telling him to trust her and to never let her go again.

"I don't know Felicity, I can tell that you are a changed and completely different person than you were after the summer after the accident, but I just don't know if I can trust you again after everything that happened between us. After all of the lies and everything that happened, I know that we are different people now, but I just don't know if I can trust you again." Oliver decided being truthful was probably the best way to go considering he was talking about not being able to trust her and not being truthful. He figured that lying to her wouldn't be very credible on this part.

"Come on Oliver, how are you supposed to trust me again if you won't even talk to me? It's just one conversation I promise and then after that if you don't want to you won't ever have to speak to me or see me again." Felicity said and Oliver could tell that she was getting nervous. She was starting to pull on her fingers which was always one of her tells when she was anxious. Not only that but he could tell that it broke her to say that last sentence about not speaking or seeing him again. After seeing her after all these years and speaking to her he didn't think that he was going to be able to let her leave Starling again without at least staying in touch. He needed some answers at the very least, he needed closure if he was going to actually move on and maybe he could get that from this talk that she is proposing.

"Alright one conversation. I can at the very least agree to that, I have some questions that I would like answered." Oliver said trying to play coy and hoping that he was succeeding. He didn't want to let on the real things he was feeling about getting to have alone time with her to talk things out.

"Of course. I wouldn't expect anything less, the only thing that I ask is that it be in private. I don't want to go out in public and air all of my dirty laundry for someone to hear and then sell to the tabloids. That is the absolute last thing that I need right now." Felicity let out a light chuckle and ran her hand that wasn't holding her water through her hair. Oliver felt like he was back in high school and stealing glances at her whenever he got the chance, only this time she wasn't the girl he should be doing that with.

"Where did you have in mind?" Oliver asked.

"Well while I am here, I figured I might as well go up to my parents' house and start sorting through some things. My aunt said that she packed everything into boxes but just left it there and I have been meaning to come back and take care of it. Would you maybe want to come and help me? I could probably use some of those strong muscles of yours." At that moment Felicity's brain decided to fail her and she grabbed his bicep almost out of habit as she made the off handed flirty comment.

Oliver looked down at her hand not exactly knowing how to react to all of this, he felt little tiny pinpricks where her hand was, and it felt just like old times again. Back when she would come over during high school and eat dinner with all of them, he was suddenly having a hard time differentiating the two times.

Felicity quickly removed her hand as if he had burned her and blushed profusely at the fact that she practically just manhandled him. She took a few steps back towards the door to the foyer so she could make a quick escape. She couldn't however steal her eyes away from his and she knew that she was in deep trouble.

"Does that sound okay with you? If not, we could go someplace different." Felicity commented shifting from foot to foot.

Oliver nodded as a smile broke out onto his lips before he could stop it, he gave her the smile that he only ever reserved for her. He honestly didn't think that his face still knew how to do that anymore, but apparently old habits die extremely hard in this case. He looked into her eyes and didn't even realize that he took a step towards her until there was only about a foot of space between them.

"No that sounds perfect, day after tomorrow work for you?" Oliver asked still not being able to look away from her gorgeous blue eyes, wondering mildly if he was going to be able to live with himself if he let her slip through his fingers again.

"I mean, I might need to move around some things in my schedule, but I should be able to make that work." Felicity joked giving him the smile that she only reserved for him.

"Well why don't I have my people call your people and let's see if we can work something out." Oliver flirted right back fully aware of the very thin line that he was toeing at as he winked at her.

"Will do Mr. Queen." Felicity responded sweetly and gave him a wink right back knowing full well that she probably should not have been so flirty with him. He was engaged to be married but the way he was looking at her begged to differ any sort of feelings for anyone else and that confused her to no end. Did he still love her or was this all some sick game of revenge? No, Oliver wouldn't do that to her, he may have had a temper sometimes but never in all the years that she knew him was he ever vindictive.

They continued to look into each other's eyes getting completely lost, neither one of them even realized that they were leaning in until they were nearly caught by Thea.

"There you guys are! Mom and I are starving are you coming or what?" Thea asked sounding almost desperate to be able to eat and Felicity laughed and shook her head attempting to remove the blush from her face for nearly being caught kissing Oliver. She jumped away from Oliver and moved towards Thea and grabbing her arm.

"We're coming, let's get some food in you before you wither away and die." Felicity joked with Thea as they started making their way to the dining room and Thea stuck her tongue out at Felicity making the three adults laugh in unison.

However, Oliver and Felicity walked into the dining room wondering silently what the hell almost happened back there. It felt to the two of them like no time had passed and they were still in high school and in love, neither one of them wanted to let this feeling go. They wanted to bask in this feeling that things could go back to the way things were, however neither of them was naive enough to believe in such a thing.

"I would never lie about such a thing! I was at the Grammy's and Sara was sitting next to me and she spotted Beyonce and decided that it would be a wonderful idea to go and say hi to her and Jay-Z during a commercial break. At this point I was nominated for new up and coming artist and I obviously did not think that I was going to win, I was just happy to be there and be nominated as cliché as that sounds. So, Sara somehow thinks that everyone in the music industry knows each other and walks up to Beyonce and she starts talking to her about god knows what. Even from a far you could tell that she has absolutely no idea what Sara is going on about. Then I came up behind Sara obviously trying to save her ass because she was embarrassing herself in front of _Beyonce_ and then she looks at me and says, 'You're Felicity Smoak, right? You are nominated tonight correct, for new up and coming artist?' And I about died! We talked for the rest of the commercial break and she said that she listened to some of my stuff and she couldn't wait for more of my work to be released." Felicity sat back in her chair as the rest of them listened to her story enamored that this was all completely true.

"I still feel like you are lying. There is no way." Thea said taking another bite of her dessert which was long abandoned when they all asked Felicity some of the weirdest celebrity encounters.

"What? You don't think Beyonce can listen to my music and like it and be excited for me to release more?" Felicity asked raising an eyebrow trying to pull Thea's leg and make her squirm.

"Well no, I am having a hard time believing that you met Beyonce and didn't make a fool out of yourself." Thea said and Felicity laughed and shook her head.

"Hey! I resent that comment thank you very much, I am a perfectly respectable person when it comes to meeting celebrities. Although, I don't believe it sometimes myself when I think back on that night, the most disbelieving part to me is that I allowed Sara to come to the Grammy's with me. That wasn't one of my smartest moves, after that encounter I banned her from ever coming to another award show again." Felicity said taking another sip from her water.

"Yeah what exactly were you thinking? That girl is fearless and always knows how to embarrass anyone that she is with you should have seen that coming." Oliver joked from Felicity's left and she looked over at him with a smile on her face nodding.

"I thought that I was being a good best friend and roommate by inviting her but obviously I was completely misguided, after the Anna Kendrick debacle I should have known to never invite her places where other famous people will be." Felicity commented laughing to herself remembering that day at the supermarket.

"I remember that! That was when I came to visit you for spring break, that was completely embarrassing and I'm sure that she has a restraining order out against you both." Thea said making Felicity throw her head back in laughter.

Oliver looked over at her and was completely in a trance by how beautiful and relaxed she looked just sitting there laughing as they all went back and forth sharing stories, some new and some old. It made him crave her touch and comfort in a way he didn't think he would ever feel again. He wanted to reach out and move the hair out of her face but knew better than to do that, at least in front of his mother and sister.

He looked up and noticed his mother staring at him with a strange smile on her face like this was her plan all along. To get them in close enough proximity to each other that they would come to their senses. He narrowed his eyes at her and moved away from Felicity, he wasn't about to let himself fall for this trap, no matter how badly he wanted too.

Oliver was starting to realize how terrible of a fiancée he was being to McKenna, he had been lying to her for four and a half years and pretending that it was all okay. He knew that it wasn't, he knew that what he was doing was completely wrong he just didn't know how to fix it. He wasn't even sure what to say to McKenna besides the fact that he was pretty sure that he was still in love with Felicity.

He knew that the feelings were still there he just wasn't sure what the hell to do with them, he was really hoping that this talk that they were going to have was going to somehow clear things up between them because if not he didn't know what he was going to do.

"So, Oliver how is wedding planning going? McKenna was telling me that you aren't much help in decision making." Thea commented smiling to herself as she could visibly see Oliver become uncomfortable with the line of questioning she was starting on.

Oliver glared at her wanting to talk about anything but this wedding, she was correct, he wasn't any help when it came to planning this wedding. He didn't really want anything to do with it mainly because the closer it gets the more he knows that this isn't what he wants he just doesn't know how to express that.

"Things are coming along smoothly; she is doing most of the work considering I don't know anything about planning a wedding." Oliver said trying to get away from this line of questioning.

Felicity looked over at him and could tell that he was uncomfortable by the way that he was rubbing his pointer finger and thumb together and his overall demeanor just screamed he wanted to be talking about anything else but this.

"I mean it's your day just as much as it is hers, you should be excited about it as well." Moira said wanting to get down to the bottom of what was really going on in her son's mind. She could tell that he wasn't happy and the more she thought about it the more she thought that maybe it had to do with a blonde singer sitting to his right.

Oliver tensed up not knowing how to react or what to say to any of this, he knew that his mother was right and that he should be excited about everything, but he wasn't. He didn't realize any of this until Felicity came back to Starling and flipped everything on its axis.

Felicity couldn't tear her eyes away from Oliver in that moment, she could tell how tense and uncomfortable he was and how much he did not want to talk about this. She wanted to defend him and make the two of them stop gaining up on him but that wasn't exactly her place anymore after everything that happened.

"Weddings just don't excite me; I want nothing more than McKenna to be happy and that is all that matters to me." Oliver said and normally that would have been a nice and sweet statement for someone to make but everyone in the room could tell that it was just a blanket statement.

"I mean I get not being excited by other people's wedding because they can sometimes be unbearable and boring, but you should be excited about your own wedding. It should be a fun occasion; I mean you're marrying the love of your life, aren't you?" Thea pried trying to make him see what everyone else so obviously could, that he wasn't actually happy about his decision.

The room was silent as the three-woman stared at Oliver as he looked down at his plate not knowing what to say, there was no way in hell that he was ever going to admit what he was actually feeling. The guilt of falling out of love with McKenna was starting to eat away at him however, it had been happening for a while, but he just wasn't able to see it for some reason.

"Oliver…" Felicity whispered being able to see the despair on his face and it broke her heart to know that he was hurting. She didn't know what was going on in his head but all she knew was that it couldn't have been anything good.

"Excuse me." Oliver stood up throwing his napkin on the table as he walked out of the room and the three of them sat there in stunned silence for a little.

Felicity looked to the other two women with anger present in her eyes, this may have started out as a harmless dinner, but it had turned into them ganging up on Oliver and ended up hurting him in the process.

"You know…I came here tonight mainly because I was curious about what the two of you had planned, but this. The way you cornered him just now was completely uncalled for, it's not any of our business why Oliver is marrying who he is. All that matters is that you two support him and that is the opposite of what you two just did. I am not Oliver's biggest fan considering our history but even I know that what you just did was completely wrong." Felicity stood up and left the room following Oliver leaving the two remaining Queens alone to think about what they had done.

Felicity walked into the study knowing that was where he liked to go to think, whenever he was upset in high school this was always the room that she would find him in as he sat and brooded about whatever was rushing through his head. She walked in and found him sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace just watching the fire burn. She slowly made her way over towards the couch that he was sitting on and sat on the complete opposite end of the couch just watching him.

They sat in silence for a few moments neither one knowing how to start the conversation, however even after all these years apart they could still communicate to each other with nothing but a simple glance or being able to read the other's body language.

"You think you know what happy looks like and what happiness means but then all it takes is one simple question to have everything just fall to pieces. I thought that I was really happy with McKenna, I really did. I honestly thought that I could have lived a happy life with her, but then you suddenly came back into my life and everything changed, and I can't tell if it's for the better or not." Oliver paused as he chuckled and shook his head back and forth running his hands through his hair, he wasn't sure how to properly articulate what he was feeling to her.

Felicity listened with bated breath not knowing how to take any of this but was content to just sit there and listen to what he had to say for now. She wouldn't think about the fact that he just admitted that he still has feelings for her, she couldn't handle that right now.

"When you didn't show up that day at the train station, I was heartbroken, I thought that everything we had didn't mean anything to you. I thought that you were just giving up on us and that I didn't mean what I thought I did to you. Now I know that you just weren't healthy, and you needed to get better on your own. There are so many things that I wish I could change but the thing I wish that I could change the most is how I handled everything. We were both so young and I know now that I didn't know how to handle anything that you were going through, and I thought that giving you space was what you needed but obviously that wasn't true.

"After that I didn't think that I would be able to love anyone again in any capacity but then I met McKenna and I just dived into another relationship without ever really healing from our breakup. I forced myself to move on by dating someone else which lead to me just settling and going through the motions. After so many years of being together I thought that I needed to propose because that's just what the next step was supposed to be ya know, but I was never happy. Not like I was when we were together." Oliver finally looked up from the fire and looked right into Felicity's eyes making her gasp by just that one look. She started tearing from everything that he was admitting to her, it was everything that she needed to hear in order to heal but somehow it just made her heart hurt instead of making it feel better. She knew that now was a better time than ever to tell him about what happened the day he left for Harvard.

"I was there that day Oliver…at the train station. After our fight the night before, I broke apart in Carter's driveway and Tommy, who was surprisingly sober, took both me and Sara back to her house and after spending hours crying, I finally fell asleep. I never set any type of alarm to wake up to meet you at the train station the next morning, so I woke up an hour before your train left. Sara and I rushed to the train station trying to make it there in time so that I could at least tell you that I was sorry but by the time that I had reached the platform your train was pulling away. I wanted nothing more than to tell you how sorry I was for all the pain that I had caused but I was too late, after that I tried to forget about you but nothing worked so I wrote songs about you trying to get everything I was feeling out of my head but that just caused me even more pain." Felicity paused as she felt a weight lift off of her shoulder as she finally was able to tell him the truth and tell him about everything that has happened over the last five years.

"I always wanted to call or email or even send you a text but I could never find the right words to tell you what I needed to, finally Sara deleted your number from my phone so that I would stop staring at your contact and actually try and make an attempt at moving on. With every time that I went to rehab my therapist always told me that I needed to talk to you, to talk everything out, but I never had the courage, especially once I found out that you had moved on so quickly. Once I found out about you and McKenna, I really knew that any hope that I had that maybe we could work things out and be a couple again were over. But seeing you now and how unhappy you look, Oliver this isn't healthy, if you don't love her you shouldn't be marrying her." Felicity tried to reason with him.

Oliver stared and intently listened to what she was saying all the while hanging onto the information that she was there that day, she wanted to make things work. All this time he thought that she never cared was completely misguided because she did care, and he just never knew. He felt a bit hurt that she never told him and never fought harder for them and what they had; couldn't she tell that what they had was special?

"Why didn't you ever call me or tell me that you were there that day?" Oliver asked needing to know the answer.

"Because I was scared, I also spent a long time thinking that your mom gave you the message that I told her to tell you. I was a mess Oliver, we both know that, it took me another two months of living in LA to even go to rehab and get sober, but the phone works both ways. You were awfully quick to throw everything that we had away as well and you never called or tried to fight for me either, this is a two-way street. However, I understand now that I needed to get healthy on my own and go on that journey alone, I couldn't get healthy for anyone but myself. I needed to do it because I wanted to not because someone else needed me to, if I would have done that, I never would have made it. I also just wanted you to be happy Oliver, that is all that I have ever wanted after everything that has happened between us. Whatever that means to you I have no idea anymore but all that I have ever wanted is for you to be happy." Felicity finished with tears openly running down her face wishing that she could speed through all of the heartache of this conversation and onto the part where they both are just able to be happy, whatever that means.

Oliver wanted to fight her on what she was saying but he knew that she was right and that he didn't try hard enough to keep her but it still made him angry that his mom never told him that she was there that day, things could have turned out so much differently if he would have known. He would have waited for her if he knew, he always would have waited.

"You know, you're saying how all you want is for me to be happy, but the thing is; as long as you're in my life, I seem to be happy." Oliver admitted not being able to hold anything in any longer, the emotional damn has been broken and he doesn't know how to close it again nor does he want to.

"I haven't been happy since the day that I broke things off because that was the last time I saw you and it broke my heart a million times to see how broken you were and I had no clue where to begin to even try and help. I know that isn't a good reason or excuse at all but it's true, I have never stopped loving you since that day and I don't think I really knew that until you showed back up in Starling a few days ago. I love you and I don't think that will change, no matter who I am with or where I am or what I am going through, I think that I will always love you." Oliver scooted closer to Felicity and looked into her eyes as he took her hands in his and poured out his soul to her.

"Oliver…stop" Felicity whispered as she stared back into his deep blue eyes not knowing what to say, one thing she was certain of is that this felt right but also completely wrong at the same time. No matter if he didn't love McKenna, he was still with her and she was currently sitting at home waiting for her fiancée to come home unknowing to the fact that he didn't love her anymore. She felt cheap in a way because no matter how much she wanted this it could never happen until he broke things off with McKenna.

"As much as I want to sit here and pour my feelings out to you I can't, you have a fiancée and you need to figure that out before anything could even possibly happen between us." Felicity pulled her hands away and stood up from the couch even though it was the last thing that she wanted to do in that moment. She wanted to tell him how much she still loved him and how she knew deep down that she was never going to love anyone else like she loved him.

Oliver stood up and walked over to her not ready to give up just yet, he wanted her; that much he was sure of at this moment and he wasn't going to stop until he got her back. He put his hands on both sides of her neck and took her by surprise and kissed her with everything that he had. She stood there her eyes open for a few moments until she melted into the kiss forgetting everything that was wrong about this, all she cared about was that Oliver was kissing her. That was until she remembered why nothing could happen between them until he made some sort of decision and she pushed him away as hard as she could feeling slightly violated no matter how much she loved kissing him.

"What the hell Oliver! Just because you don't love your fiancée does not mean that I am going to willingly give in and cheat with you. What did you think that you could kiss me and I would just succumb to your will, forget every reason that I just said why this couldn't happen?" Felicity yelled; she would be the first to admit that she was probably going a little hard on Oliver, but she wanted him to see how wrong everything that he did was. This wasn't a moment that he could be selfish and do what his heart desired.

"I just – I thought…I guess I thought that maybe if I kissed you…I don't know what I was thinking, all that I know is that I couldn't let you get away again. I meant what I said Felicity, I still love you and I know that I always will, and I am not going to give up until I have you back." Oliver said with so much certainty in his voice that she had no choice but to believe every word that he was saying to her, she knew that he meant every word and that sent a jolt of energy through her body; she just wasn't sure if it was good or bad.

"That still doesn't make anything that happened right now okay Oliver, you are still engaged, and I don't want anything to do with that. I lied for you at the hospital and that was bad enough and made me feel like nothing, but this is where I draw the line, come and find me when you break things off with McKenna, Oliver." Felicity had tears streaming down her face by the end of her speech as she took a step backwards and towards the door. This is not how she wanted any of this to happen. When she pictured things with her and Oliver, she pictured this big romantic moment, but that's not how real life works, real life is messy and wasn't like a romantic movie.

"So what? You're just going to leave like last time? Hopefully next time I see you isn't in another five years." Oliver was angry that much was evident by his tone, but he wasn't mad at Felicity, he was mad at himself for causing all of this. Felicity was right and he shouldn't have kissed her until things between him and McKenna were finished but he couldn't help it, he needed to know what it felt like to kiss her again and now that he knew he didn't want to let this go. Instead of telling her that he would break things off with McKenna he got defensive and angry and put the blame on her, and he knew that he shouldn't be.

Felicity stopped with her back to Oliver not being able to believe that he actually just said that to her. How dare he! He had absolutely no right to get angry right now when he was the one willing to cheat. Felicity spun around and look at him the most that she had ever been, she wanted nothing more than to put him in his place.

"You're joking right?! You are seriously so deranged that you are going to try and pin this on me? I'M NOT THE ONE WHO IS IN A COMMITED RELATIONSHP OLIVER! I'm not the one going around kissing their ex-girlfriend's and telling them how much they love them when they have someone at home waiting for them! You really haven't grown up at all, take a step back and look in the mirror before you start putting blame on other people's shoulders." Felicity stormed out of the room and found Thea and Moira standing out in the hall and looking at her with shock on both of their faces.

"We're leaving." Felicity said going into the living room, grabbing her purse and walking back into the foyer where she saw Thea ready to go, she could tell that she was dying to ask about what happened between her and Oliver that ended in a screaming match between the both of them.

Oliver walked out of the study and even seeing his face made Felicity want to do nothing more than sucker punch him in his jaw, but she knew that would probably hurt her hand more than his face. That man was built like a Greek god and she needed her hands to play the guitar and piano so she would have to take out her rage in some other form. Like writing a Taylor Swift level of break-up song about him using his name and everything.

"Felicity-" Oliver started with a sorry look on his face but Felicity had heard enough for one night, all that she wanted was to get out of there.

"Don't. I don't want to hear anything else that you have to say so don't even start." Felicity looked to Moira and gave her a fake smile.

"Thank you for dinner it was interesting to say the least." Felicity gave Moira a quick hug before making a beeline for the door wanting nothing more than to drown her sorrows in ice cream and song writing.

Thea watched Felicity walk out the door and to the car and then looked to Oliver amazed that he could mess things up with Felicity in such a short amount of time. "You know…I want to ask how you managed to screw things up so badly, but I don't even want to know. She loves you Oliver and I know that you love her too, don't let her get away again." Thea left without another word and Oliver watched her walk out knowing that she was right, he screwed this up and he could tell just by the way Felicity kissed him that she still loved him. He just needed to find a way to make things right between them.


	8. Chapter 8

_Thea watched Felicity walk out the door and to the car and then looked to Oliver amazed that he could mess things up with Felicity in such a short amount of time. "You know…I want to ask how you managed to screw things up so badly, but I don't even want to know. She loves you Oliver and I know that you love her to, don't let her get away again." Thea left without another word and Oliver watched her walk out knowing that she was right, he screwed this up and he could tell just by the way Felicity kissed him that she still loved him. He just needed to find a way to make things right between them._

Thea and Felicity drove home in complete silence, Thea thinking of something to say to help Felicity feel better and Felicity trying her hardest not to mentally picture herself strangling Oliver for how he acted and what he said to her tonight.

"So, I am just going to come right out and ask because me and mom only heard the part about you screaming at Oliver about being in a relationship. What the hell happened in there?" Thea asked, only momentarily taking her eyes off of the road to look at Felicity.

"He just really hasn't changed since high school; his defense mechanism is to automatically put the blame on the other person instead of actually taking blame for something and I am _not _about to take it from him. I didn't five years ago, and I won't now. I love him I do but until he figures out his shit I don't want to be dragged into his problems, I have enough to think about right now without adding on the fact that he is about to get married and that he still loves me to my plate as well." Felicity vented knowing that Thea probably wasn't following much of what she was saying.

"Wait. What happened in there that caused all of this? Did you tell him what happened that day at the train station and he got angry?" Thea asked trying to understand and make sense of what Felicity was saying.

"I told him, and he was shocked and seemed a little hurt that your mom never told him that I was there, but that's not what started the fight between us. I told him that what happened between us was a two-way street and that he could have called or texted, but he didn't do that just like I didn't either. I told him that all that I ever wanted was for him to be happy whatever that meant for him and he told me that as long as I was in his life, he would be happy. He told me about how he really didn't love McKenna, and how he thought that he did but then I came back to Starling and he realized that he didn't and how he still loved me. He moved closer to me and I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was thinking about kissing me, so I stood up from the couch and took a step back and put a good amount of distance between us.

"Because no matter how much I wanted him to kiss me and how much I love him, I am not a cheater and will never be one. I told him to figure things out between him and McKenna and then come and talk to me but apparently, he didn't hear a word that I said because he kissed me anyways. I of course kissed him back, then came to my senses and pushed him away and I went off on him because I just told him to figure out his feelings for his _fiancée _and then come to me, but he did the opposite. He said he couldn't let me get away and I told him that still didn't make it okay and then he had the audacity to tell me I was the one running scared and hopefully the next time he sees me it's not in another five years.

"I swear to you Thea I almost slapped him into next week from that one comment, I was being a respectful adult and telling him to figure out what he wants because I wasn't going to cheat with him and he somehow turns it on me and accuses me of running away. That was when I yelled at him and then walked out before even hearing what he had to say." Felicity finished still fuming from the entire encounter, she still didn't want to believe that actually all just happened. Talking about what happened just seemed to make her even more furious than she was before.

"He probably was just scared, there's no way that he was actually mad at you and blaming you, he was probably mad at himself for how he acted towards you." Thea tried to reason but just made matters worse.

"Are you taking his side?! Seriously Thea? He was practically asking me to forget about the fact that he was engaged just because he still loved me and admitted that he was wrong all those years ago." Felicity couldn't believe that Thea was trying to defend her brother's actions in any way shape or form.

"No! I am not taking his side at all I am just trying to get you to see that it might not be as cut and dry as you are seeing it as. Try and see it from his point of view, again I am not agreeing with how he handled things and he does need to apologize for how he acted and what he said. However, he is in a relationship with a woman that he hasn't ever really loved and then suddenly the woman that he has spent the better part of five years trying to forget shows up out of the blue…of course he acted the way he did. He knows what he is missing and will stop at nothing to get it back, let's hope for both of your sake's that he breaks things off with McKenna; because honestly I want the two of you to be happy and it's obvious that you two would be much happier if you were together. I get why you are angry I really do because I would be angry too if it were me, but don't forget that Oliver has a really good façade that he puts up, he isn't good at communicating." Thea explained trying to help Felicity see that being angry at him wasn't going to get anyone anywhere.

Felicity stared out the window as the two women made their way back into the city, she wanted more than anything for Oliver and her to be together, but he had some deciding to do if that was what he really wanted. She wasn't lying when she said that all she wanted for Oliver was to be happy, if that was being with her then she would welcome him with open arms and figure things out but she wasn't about to cheat with him until he had the guts to break off his engagement. If he wanted to be with McKenna then she would support him in that as well, she could get over him if she put enough effort in, she just silently hoped that she wouldn't have to.

Oliver left the manor as soon as he could and avoided all talk with his mother no matter how much she wanted to talk to him. He drove back into the city without the radio on and racked his brain for what was wrong with him and why he went off on Felicity for doing nothing than being honest. Normally he would have been thankful that she was being truthful and wouldn't cheat and had enough morals not to do so, but that meant that he was lacking those exact morals that he was thankful that she had.

He asked her to forget everything and just…be with him, it seemed like a great idea in the moment but looking back it was idiotic. He knows one thing for certain however, she loved him; if he wasn't sure about that before he knew that the second she kissed him back. He wished that he could go back and handle that situation different and better, he has been doing a lot of that recently; wishing that he could go back in time. Rather than thinking before speaking and acting he just did whatever came to him within the moment and it normally got him into lots of trouble.

He was just so scared to lose her that he just yelled and took out his anger towards himself out on her, he knew that she wasn't going to just take it like McKenna does most times. Felicity always stood up for herself and never took any of his shit, she always put him in his place. That was one of the many reasons that he loved her, she always pushed him to be better and be the best man that he could. He didn't know how to be better or be a _good man_ at all without her pushing him and challenging him. He knows that he should know how to do that on his own and not need someone to coach him on how to be a good person, but he often let his anger take over and then realized later that he was being an asshole.

He didn't even realize where he had driven until he parked the car in front of Verdant, his sister ran the day to day of the club and managed it but technically it was still his and Tommy's club. He also knew that there was a couch in Thea's office and Tommy had a punching bag down in the basement that he kept down there for when him and Laurel got into a fight.

Oliver sighed and made his way into the building and walked straight into the basement needing to take his anger out on something constructive instead of going and getting drunk.

He took off his suit jacket and shirt and just starting punching, not caring that tomorrow his knuckles were going to be cut up and black and blue. He pictured himself and all of the traits about himself that he knew where toxic and punched them, he thought of all of the times that he knew that he could have been better and punched those as well. He thought about how he left Felicity to grieve on her own after her parent's funeral and how he left her to deal with her addiction completely on her own and punched even harder. He thought about all of the times that he told McKenna that he loved her when he knew that they were lies, about all of the times when they were having sex and he wasn't thinking of her but of Felicity.

All of this fueled him to punch harder and harder until he finally collapsed onto the floor from sheer exhaustion only now realizing that his knuckles were bloody and bruised and he had been at this for hours. Then he lets out a few sobs, but no tears were coming out of his face, he had been such a terrible fiancée, son, brother, friend and he wasn't realizing it until just now. He wanted to sit here and feel sorry for him, say that he couldn't be better without Felicity helping him, but he couldn't put this on her; this was on him.

He couldn't completely rely on someone or expect someone to coach him to be a better person, he had to do that on his own. He needed to strive to be better because that was the type of man that everyone needed him to be, that he needed _himself_ to be.

He thought about Felicity and how five years ago she decided to get sober on her own and fought like hell to get herself back up all on her own. He thought about the Felicity that he knew in high school compared to the one that he knew now, and he was amazed at the transformation that she had made. He needed to follow in Felicity's footsteps and get better for himself and not for anyone else.

He wanted Felicity to change for him all those years ago but in reality, he also needed to change as well, and it wasn't until tonight that he realized that. Him and Felicity would have never made it back then, not with the way that they both acted. He needed to come to this point, this point where he saw all his negative and toxic traits and made the conscience choice to change them. He would have screwed up in some other way with Felicity and they would have broken up because no matter how mature he thought he was in high school he was nowhere near mature enough to handle being in an actual committed relationship.

Maybe him and Felicity needed to be apart for all these years in order to come back together, changed and better people, maybe this was what needed to happen in order for them to go forward and make things work this time around. That was if she even wanted him back after the stunt that he had pulled tonight.

Oliver let his heartrate calm down and took deep breaths knowing exactly what he needed to do, he needed to call off the wedding and break things off with McKenna. He knew that he needed to do that all along, without Felicity even coming to town; he wasn't happy in any way shape or form. But now he had motivation and reason to call things off and he had the drive and confidence that he needed to go through with all of this. He was just hoping that Felicity could forgive him for what he said and take him back, if she didn't, he would understand but he wouldn't let her walk away. He would make sure that they didn't lose each other this time around.

Oliver took a deep steadying breath and got up from the floor and slowly walked up the stairs picking up his clothes along the way. He walked across the main floor of Verdant, into the office where he knew the couch would be, he collapsed onto it letting himself fall asleep to the thought of getting Felicity back and maybe finally being happy for once.

Felicity woke up the next morning in a horrible mood, she was trying to do everything in her power not to have a drink, she was a hell of a lot stronger than this. Letting a guy drive her mood to hell and making her crave a drink was not the type of person that she was, at least she tried not to be; but this was different, this was Oliver. Oliver always knew how to get under her skin, in good ways and bad, but he always loved her no matter what he did, and she knew that. That was what made this so hard, she could tell by the look on his face last night that he really never stopped loving her after all this time and yet he still acted the way he did.

Felicity took a deep breath and got out of bed, slowly walking down the steps silently wishing that she wasn't so on edge. Thea opened her bedroom door behind Felicity, making her jump so high that she almost fell down the stairs.

"Whoa…you okay there? You seem really skittish." Thea said walking down the stairs meeting Felicity half way. Felicity stayed put trying to calm down knowing that her nerves were shot considering her desperate need for a drink.

"Not really, I could probably use a meeting. I have a craving to drink and also a need not to relapse and those two things tend not to correlate together. I feel like I did after about a week in rehab, when the detoxing stage is over but you're still really skittish and can't sit still because you're craving a drink." Felicity said a slight bite to her voice knowing that it wasn't Thea's fault that she was on edge and she shouldn't take it out on her. Felicity closed her eyes and took a deep breathing and letting it out in a sigh.

"I'm sorry Thea, it's not your fault and I shouldn't take it out on you. I am on edge after last night but after murdering your brother multiple times in my thoughts I am feeling significantly better than I did when I went to bed last night. I am thinking about staying in today and focusing on writing a melody to these lyrics that popped into my head last night. That normally helps more than meetings do to be honest, but a meeting would probably do me a lot of good." Felicity said as she continued walking down the steps and into the kitchen and stared to make some coffee.

"Well if you need to talk let me know, I will always be here for you, especially after last night. Go and see dad, spend some time with him, that might lift your spirits and help distract your mind from that annoying and awful brother of mine." Thea said as she started to pour herself a bowl of cereal and Felicity noticed that Thea was completely dressed and ready for work, at 10 in the morning.

"Yeah, you're probably right, I will spend the next few hours trying to write and then go visit your dad and if I am up for it go to a meeting. Also thank you for the offer of being my shoulder to complain on, I really do appreciate it, but I am just trying not to think about this. I will spend the next few days until your dad gets out of the hospital trying not to think about the fact Oliver still loves me and there's an opportunity for us to actually give our relationship a second shot if he just grew a pair." Felicity let out in a huff and sighed pinching the bridge of her nose already starting to get a headache from how annoyed and stressed she was from the entire situation.

"Alright enough talking about this, why are you so dressed up at 10 in the morning? You realize people only come to the club at night, right?" Felicity joked with Thea in a sarcastic tone making Thea roll her eyes and push her way past Felicity to get to the coffee maker.

"For your information I have a tone of paperwork and orders to put in today so I will probably be there until tonight anyways and by that time the club will be open and I will have to handle everything then anyways so I might as well get dressed for the day." Thea said pouring herself a hefty amount of coffee and taking a long sip from the cup putting a big smile on her face.

"Wow…I am so glad that I don't have a normal job, waking up early is not something that I would do unless I absolutely had to. Which on most days I don't and can go into the studio whenever I please. Only days I have to be up early are on press days and those suck." Felicity said pouring herself a cup of coffee as well finally feeling awake to the world.

"Must be so hard being a famous popstar." Thea said in a sarcastic tone silently wishing that she had Felicity's life of glitz and glamor. Felicity rolled her eyes and laughed pouring herself a cup of coffee while Thea continued. "I mean I could sleep in and most days I do but I always try and go in early at least one day a week so that I can get as much work done as I possibly can so that the rest of the week goes by as smoothly as possible while managing a club in the Glades." Thea says as she starts to get her bag ready to leave to work and leave Felicity for the day.

"Well, have a good day at work I guess I won't see you until tomorrow. I am going to my parents' house early tomorrow morning to start getting stuff together to finally sell it after years of it just sitting there." Felicity says as she walks over to the couch and starts setting up her keyboard to try and get this song out while it's still in her head.

"You too, and I mean it Felicity, if you need anything text me okay?" Thea asks unaware of Felicity's slight annoyance of people thinking just because she was an addict that she couldn't handle herself. She knew that Thea was being nice however so Felicity decided to keep her thoughts to herself for once.

"I will I promise, thank you again Thea for being here to listen; it really means a lot to me." Felicity says making Thea smile as she leaves the apartment leaving Felicity alone to her own devices.

"Alright Felicity let's get shit done." She says to herself doing a few warmups on the piano just getting used to it again after not playing in a few months.

She started playing some dark chords over and over trying to figure out something that would sound good with the lyrics that she had in her head. She tapped into this anger and sadness that she had deep inside from the altercation she had last night with Oliver. She had this deep-seated hope however that things might work out with her and Oliver.

She continued to play the low chords on the piano almost in a pattern and she realized that maybe that was all that this song needed. Maybe it just needed to be simple that way the lyrics hit people harder and they actually listened to what she had to say. She took a deep breath before she started singing the lyrics that she had dancing around in her head.

"Stone cold, baby  
God knows I tried to feel  
Happy for you  
Know that I am, even if I  
Can't understand, I'll take the pain  
Give me the truth, me and my heart  
We'll make it through  
If happy is her, I'm happy for you" Felicity let a few tears slip down her cheeks as she pictured McKenna actually walking down the isle towards Oliver. She pictured all of these things and it breaks her heart that these might be part of her future. That he might actually say no to her and decide to have a life with McKenna instead.

Felicity takes a few deep breaths trying not to get too caught up in everything that was swirling around in her mind. She sits back and lets herself cry, but not for long because she wouldn't let herself wallow. She grabs her notebook and works for an hour or so on the other lyrics and the melody, once she was finished with the lyrics, she felt exhausted and ready to take a nap after all of the emotion that she put into writing that song. Felicity downed the rest of her now cold coffee as she made her way upstairs and took a quick shower humming different melodies in her head trying to try find the right match for the chorus of the song that she just wrote while she got ready to go see Robert in the hospital.

Felicity took a quick cab ride to the hospital where she had an interesting interaction with a fan that continued telling her how she just had to write a song about him because he had just the most amazing story. Sometimes she really loved interacting with her fans, even the weird ones; today however all she wanted was to be left alone.

Felicity walked into the CICU and into Robert's room to find Moira there probably on her lunch break from Queen Industries, but it was still a very welcome distraction from the thoughts swirling around her head at the moment.

"Felicity, what a surprise. I didn't know that you were going to come by." Moira said and smiled at the woman as Felicity gave both of them a quick hug and a kiss.

"That's because this was not planned, I figured that I would come and visit Robert while I had the time." Felicity said leaving out the fact that she was actually there to use the man as a distraction from everything going on. Felicity took a seat on the foot of the bed facing Robert, she brought one of her legs up onto the bed getting comfortable.

Moira looked at Felicity silently wondering what was going through her head especially after hearing the tail end of that fight that her and Oliver had last night. Moira knew that it had to have been about something pretty serious and she wished that her and Thea had just stayed out of both of Oliver and Felicity's personal lives because it seems like they may have made things even worse than they were before.

"How are you darling? I haven't spoken with Oliver since last night and whatever you two were talking about sounded very serious." Moira asked throwing caution to the wind half noisy and half actually concerned with Felicity and her well-being.

"Well don't you just get right down to the point…" Felicity paused and chuckled as she looked at Moira silently wondering what her game was but knowing that she was actually probably concerned about her and how she was doing after last night.

"I'm fine. I have honestly been a lot better, but I am hanging in there, Oliver and I aren't a couple so I shouldn't really care what he does with his life anyways. I am curious about one thing however…" Felicity paused needing to know one thing after her conversation with Oliver about that day at the train station.

"That day at the train station, I asked you to tell Oliver something for me…I asked you to tell him that I was sorry for all the pain that I caused him and to tell him that I loved him and that I hoped that he found someone that could make him as happy as he made me. Why didn't he know that I was there that day? You told me that you would tell him for me." Felicity questioned wanting answers, for someone who wanted both her and Oliver back together she didn't do too good of a job of it. They probably would have worked things out if Moira would have told him that she was there that day. But she knew that she couldn't blame for Moira for what happened between them.

Moira sat there for a few moments wondering how to handle the situation before her, this could end one of two ways, Felicity could understand why she did what she did or she wouldn't understand and would be angry with her and Moira hoped that Felicity would go with the first option.

"You have to understand one thing; Oliver was heartbroken when you didn't show up that day, I could tell just by the way he walked onto that train with his shoulders slumped and head down. Someday when you have children you will understand that you will do absolutely anything to make sure that your children do not hurt. When you asked me to tell him those things I thought long and hard about whether or not I actually should; about whether or not it would hurt him more than he already was, or would it mend his broken heart. I made the decision that it would hurt him more than it was worth so I never told him, I realize now that might not have been the best decision, but hindsight is always 20/20." Moira explained hoping that Felicity wouldn't hate her.

"You know for someone who seems to want Oliver and I back together you had your opportunity five years ago to help us mend things and you didn't take the chance. That's one thing that I don't quite understand, if he had that information five years ago, things might have turned out differently and I know that you know that as well. I get why you did what you did hearing your explanation about your decisions, but that doesn't mean I support what you did, I wish that Oliver would have known all those years ago how I felt." Felicity said looking away from Moira and own at her hands as she fiddled with them nervously, she wanted to hate Moira for not telling Oliver, but she actually did understand why she did it, and that almost makes it hurt even worse.

"However, I don't think that I would have been able to really get clean with Oliver by my side, at least not the Oliver from five years ago. Oliver from five years ago was still a kid and hadn't done any growing up, he never would have been able to help me the way that I needed, in order to get clean; I would have just ended up breaking his heart even more than I already did. Oliver needed to grow up too and our breaking up helped him to do that, no matter how much I never wanted to hurt him it needed to happen, and I know that now. Took years of therapy and heartache to realize that but nevertheless it's the truth. I guess what I am trying to say is thank you, I may wish that you would have told him, but I am happy that you didn't. I understand why you made your decision." Felicity looked up from her hands and found Moira staring at her with tears in her eyes and Felicity knew that things between them were okay.

"I don't think I have ever heard you talk about your addiction before, you normally keep all of that to yourself instead of sharing it. I mean I have heard you talk about it in interviews, but you always seemed to sugarcoat it and never really share your struggles." Robert commented thinking back onto the last five years realizing that he never knew what it was like for her all alone in LA trying to get sober.

"There's generally a reason for that, I haven't ever really been ready to share all of this with the world. The things that I have done aren't the prettiest, I was a horrible person when I was using. I stole from friends and family, I lied, I kept secrets…I did a lot of things that I am nowhere near proud of. There are some stories that are going to go to the grave with me because they would hurt a lot of people if I shared them, but I share what I can so that my fans and others know that they aren't alone and that they can get through their addiction just so long as they persevere and have faith in themselves and their recovery." Felicity looked at Robert hoping that he wouldn't ask about the things she did, she wouldn't have the heart to tell both of them that they were one of the many people she owed an apology to for stealing from.

"You are a different person now Felicity, you aren't the same woman that you were before, just know that nothing will change the way that we feel about you. You will always be a daughter to us, we know that you aren't the same person that you were before." Moira said making Felicity start crying, this was becoming too overwhelming for Felicity to handle, she wanted a drink. But she knew that part of being sober is coming clean for things that she did, no matter how mortifying that was.

"I owe both of you an apology, I have owed you two one for years now, but I think of both of you as parents after everything and I never wanted you to be disappointed in me because I wouldn't know how to handle that. However, I was supposed to come clean with everyone when I got out of rehab all three times…" Felicity paused and took a deep breath knowing that this was going to be incredibly hard to get out.

Both Moira and Robert sat there in silence not knowing what to expect, they looked at each other a little scared and nervous that what Felicity was about to say might actually change the way that they see her.

"When I first got out of the hospital, they gave me a lot of narcotics to help dull the pain of my broken ribs, my hip, my leg, and basically everything else; that's how I initially became addicted. It wasn't very hard considering everything I was going through that all I wanted was to not feel anything and sleep and that's what these drugs helped me do. But after a few weeks the prescriptions ran out and I was desperate to get my hands on more, the money that I got after my parents died I couldn't touch until my 18th birthday so I was desperate. I knew that you guys kept money in a safe in the study and the combination was your wedding anniversary, so it wasn't hard to crack. I took…I don't know $5,000 maybe from the safe and I bought, god I have now clue how much with that, but it was gone within a month, maybe less. I knew that I couldn't continue taking money from the safe because I knew that I would get caught, so I started stealing little things that I knew had enough value that I could get a large supply of pills with. But I always did it when I knew that no one was home because I knew that if I ran into any one of you that I wouldn't be able to look you in the eye, that's why you barely saw me that summer. I couldn't see you and just lie to your faces, not when you always treated me like a daughter. I know now what I did was wrong, and I wanted to tell you so many times and come clean, but I couldn't stand to see you looking at me like you are now." Felicity finished looking between both of them trying to gauge what they were thinking but they were always hard to read.

"How are we looking at you?" Robert asked keeping his voice as monotone as possible, he was angry and disappointed yes. That whole summer he remembers things going missing all over the house and they couldn't ever figure out why or how. Moira's wedding ring was even stolen, knowing that was Felicity somehow made it even worse than a random teenager breaking in and stealing from them, but she wasn't that person anymore and he knew that just by the look of utter shame on her face right now.

"Like I'm a criminal, like you hate me for taking from you. The worst part is, I completely understand if you do hate me. I stole a lot from you guys that summer, I'm the most ashamed for stealing your ring." Felicity said looking at both of them for a few seconds being completely ashamed for what she had done.

Moira looked at Robert and she could see on her husband's face that he had already forgiven Felicity for what she had done. It was a long time ago and she wasn't the same tortured and troubled girl that she was back then.

"We don't think that you're a criminal, Am I angry knowing that you stole from us? Yes, but you aren't that same girl that you were before Felicity. You have gone to rehab and done the work and gotten better. I am more disappointed in myself that I never noticed what was going on with you. I think I can speak for both of us when I say that we know that you aren't that person anymore. We are disappointed sure but that does not mean that we love you any less, you did the work to get better and that's what matters." Moira says letting the tears freely roll down her cheeks making Felicity cry as well, but most of all she felt completely loved. She felt like another weight was lifted off of her shoulder from letting go of those secrets.

"Thank you. You don't know what it means to me to hear you say those things" Felicity smiled and got up from the bed and walked over to Moira and gave her a bone crushing hug as they both silently cried.

Maybe this trip was serving more than one purpose, maybe she needed to come here to come clean so that she could finally feel freed from this prison of secrets that she had unknowingly put herself in.

Thea walked into the club that morning and found her brother sleeping on the couch in her office, she sighed to herself and slammed the door to wake him up. At least she knew why she got so many texts from McKenna; they were all probably texts asking if she knew where her brother was.

Oliver jumped awake from the loud slam of the door and looked around seeing Thea standing in front of him and knew that he was in for a morning of yelling and more than likely scolding for what happened last night at dinner.

"So, you running away from your problems? _Again? _Kind of ironic don't you think seeing as you accused Felicity of doing that last night?" Thea asked as she moved over to her desk and booted up her computer and started to get settled at her desk for a day of doing paperwork, but she got the sneaking suspicion that her morning was going to be filled with a conversation with her brother about his pigheadedness instead of actual work.

"Thea…" Oliver warned not really in the mood to discuss this with his sister, mainly because it wasn't any of her business.

"No, don't _Thea _me and expect me to just drop this. I walk in here the morning after you and Felicity obviously had some sort of blow out fight and find you sleeping on my couch with bruised and bloody knuckles and a fifth of vodka completely gone, that you need to pay for by the way, and expect me to drop this? No Oliver, there is no way in hell that is going to happen." Thea said as she stared at him across her desk with an angry look on her face, Oliver could tell that she wasn't going to drop this, but decided to stay silent nonetheless.

"Look I already heard everything that happened from Felicity and honestly you have no reason to be sulking, it seems that you have a decision to make big brother." Thea commented and started to get to work knowing her brother well enough to know that he wasn't going to say anything for a while until he knew exactly what he wanted to say.

Oliver sat there for a few moments trying to gather his thoughts about what he wanted to say about this entire situation and what was going on in his brain.

"No matter what I decide someone gets hurt and that's not what I want. No matter what anyone thinks I do love McKenna, over the last four and a half years she has become one of my best friends; I'm just not _in love _with her. If I break things off with McKenna, I am admitting that almost our entire relationship was some sort of ruse and I never loved her as much as she loved me, that's going to break her Thea and I don't want to hurt her. If I tell Felicity that I was lying to her last night and that I didn't mean any of it then what? I turn into the dick that 'lied' to her about how I feel, when in reality I would be lying to her then because I do love her; I'm _in love _with her Thea. Either way I get hurt and so does one of the women that I care about and I don't know what to do about that." Oliver said never looking up to meet Thea's eyes, he didn't want to show her that he was vulnerable and that he was hurting. He was supposed to be her big brother that protected her not someone who cried over his girl problems.

Thea watched her brother the entre time that he spoke, and her heart broke for him because no matter how much he didn't want her to see it she could tell that he was struggling with this choice. She sighed and thought for a few moments on what to say and how to say it so that he understood completely what she was saying.

"Oliver look at me." Thea waited until he looked up from his hands and saw the tears threatening to spill from his eyes, she was sure that her heart actually broke into a million little pieces for him.

"You are going to hurt someone no matter what that is true, but don't you think that its going to hurt McKenna even more to marry her knowing that you don't love her the way that she deserves to be loved? Don't you think that she deserves to have someone love her the way that you love Felicity?" Thea asked making Oliver's head jerk up and look her in the eye again at the mention of Felicity's name.

"How-" Oliver began to ask making Thea stop him and roll her eyes.

"Oh please Oliver, I'm not an idoit. I have known for the last five years that you have loved Felicity, even when you didn't know yourself. I could tell from the moment that you brought McKenna home that you didn't really love her, but I never said anything because it wasn't my place." Thea said giving her brother all the sass in the world not being able to hold it in any longer.

"What changed then? What made you need to tell me now?" Oliver asked a little bit peeved that Thea seemed to be able to see right through his whole act.

"Well for one you're sitting on my couch looking like shit and started a fight with my best friend and second you started talking about your feelings first and I just couldn't hold it in any longer." Thea said not even looking away from her computer screen as she said all of this, frankly it's not like anything he was telling her was a revelation. Thea sighed however knowing that she needed to say one more thing before she kicked him out to go and have an honest conversation with his fiancée.

"Listen Oliver, you don't really have any room to feel sorry for yourself because this isn't about you. Stop making it that way because that was the beginning of the end for you and Felicity it seems like from what she has told me over the years. Stop throwing this pity party and do what's right Oliver and I know that you know what that is; hell, _I_ even know what that is." Thea said fully dropping what she was doing to look her brother in the eye, she leaned her forearms on the desk fully leaning forward giving her brother her full attention.

"I know what I need to do, but I keep picturing her face and it breaks my heart. I have been lying to her for four and a half years and I am growing tired of it and that's not how I want to continue living." Oliver said taking a deep breath finally coming to the decision that he knew he needed to make for months now. He needed to go and talk to McKenna.

"Then go and talk to her Oliver, tell her how you feel and tell her the truth for once. She's going to get angry probably and she is going to be hurt but at least you won't continue to live a lie anymore and you can finally start to move on with your life, hopefully with Felicity." Thea said hating seeing her brother being fake happy for the past five years, but secretly hoping that him and Felicity can fix things between them and live happily ever after like in every rom-com she has ever watched.

"You're right, I need to go and tell McKenna everything and hope that she doesn't murder me in the process." Oliver says half joking and half hoping that won't actually happen.

Thea laughs and leans back into her chair half focusing on her work again. "Of course I'm right, and I wouldn't exactly be surprised if I saw that in the papers tomorrow morning."

Oliver chuckled as he got up from his seat on the couch feeling marginally better after his heart to heart with Thea.

"Thanks little sis. I never knew how good you were in a moment of crisis until now." Oliver said smiling down at her as he stood up from the couch.

"That's because you haven't come to me for advice until now." Thea said looking up at him with a smile on her face, happy that she could help him in any way that she could.

"Now scram! Go and take a shower and talk to your fiancée, next thing I want to hear coming from you is that you broke things off with her and made up with Felicity." Thea smiled getting back to work determined to actually get some work done.

"Alright, I'm leaving, love you Speedy." Oliver said and gave Thea a quick kiss on the top of her head before walking out of the building and to his car. He was never going to be ready to go and talk to McKenna, but he needed to get this done with, the sooner he talked to her the sooner he could talk to Felicity and mend fences with her. He was already starting to cook up something that he was going to say, he wouldn't let himself screw things up this time, not a chance.


	9. Chapter 9

"_Alright, I'm leaving, love you Speedy." Oliver said and gave Thea a quick kiss on the top of her head before walking out of the building and to his car. He was never going to be ready to go and talk to McKenna, but he needed to get this done with, the sooner he talked to her the sooner he could talk to Felicity and mend fences with her. He was already starting to cook up something that he was going to say, he wouldn't let himself screw things up this time, not a chance._

He walked into the apartment and found it empty knowing that McKenna was at work, she was a lawyer for big businesses. It was one of the things that drew him to her, they had business in common. He was starting to realize that all that they ever talked about however was work and not much else, they would talk about other things, but they were never important. The more time he spent thinking about their relationship the more that he realized how unhappy he really was.

Oliver went into their room and plugged in his long dead phone and saw all the missed calls and unread texts from McKenna, he owed her a big apology for not coming home last night and never telling her where he was. No matter what happened last night she didn't deserve to sit at home waiting for him to come home just for him not to show up.

He took a quick shower thinking about what he was going to say to her once she got home from work and the only thing that he could come up with was 'I'm sorry' and that just seemed like a giant cop out considering everything he was about to put her through.

He spent most of the day packing up all of his things knowing that he had already overstayed his welcome in her life and that he needed to leave. He needed to set her free so that she could find someone to make her actually happy.

By the time that McKenna finally made it home Oliver had all of his stuff in his car and was sitting on the couch ready to break this woman's heart. She had been with him and by his side for five years, he knew that this was probably going to be one of the hardest conversations that he had to have.

He heard McKenna put her key into the lock and walk into the apartment and Oliver turned on the couch to watch her walk in. McKenna walked in and saw him sitting on the couch with a somber look on her face and she instantly knew something was wrong, she stopped and just stared at him before sighing and ignoring him.

She dropped her stuff off at the door and walked into the bedroom and changed into more comfortable clothes. It wasn't until she was about to walk out of the room that she noticed that the closet was half empty and that everything of Oliver's was gone. She felt her stomach drop and she instantly knew what that look was about when she first walked through the door.

She silently walked out of the room and into the living room standing in front of the couch looking down at Oliver with hands on her hips. "What happened last night Oliver? Why didn't you come home? Why didn't I at the very least get a curtesy text saying that you weren't coming home?" McKenna asked not knowing whether or not she was actually ready to hear what he was going to say.

Oliver looked down at his hands not knowing where to start with this conversation, he knew one thing however; he needed to be completely honest with her.

"I've been lying to you for the past four and a half years…god I don't know how to say this…I need you to know that I never lied about loving you or how I felt about you, that was all real Kenze. I didn't realize any of this until recently…when Felicity came back into town. She is a lot more than a family friend-" Oliver was about to continue but McKenna cut him off.

"I know. I know that Felicity is your ex that broke your heart, it took me only about an hour to realize it. The way that you were looking at her in the hospital, you've never looked at me like that. Also, Felicity shares enough in the public eye for me to piece together what you told me years ago and what she has made public knowledge." McKenna folds her arms across her chest in a defensive stance trying to take control of the situation, she looks down at her feet trying to stop the tears that are about to spill.

"I think I have known for a while now, that you haven't ever actually been _in love _with me. I just never wanted to admit it to myself because that meant that we were going to end things and I have gotten comfortable over the years." McKenna blows out a breath starting to cry which in turn makes Oliver tear up because he obviously was never as good of a liar as he thought when it came to McKenna.

"I'm sorry McKenna, I know that doesn't mean much but it's the best that I have to offer. I truly wanted to marry you, I thought that we could be happy and have a nice life together. I never lied about any of that. I wish I could take everything back because I never wanted to hurt you, that was not something I ever intended on doing." Oliver said looking down at his hands before looking up at her to see that she was watching him.

"Do you love her? Really love her. Like in a can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence world series kind of way?" Mckenna chuckles and asks, a small and sad smile on her face wanting to be angry about everything but truthfully, she was beginning to see that she wasn't really happy in their relationship either. She settled for someone because she thought that one day, they _may_ be happy and learn to love each other, but they both deserved better than just settling.

Oliver looked down at his hands not knowing what exactly to say because he didn't want to feel like he cheated on her, but he could tell that she wasn't as hurt as he expected her to be. Maybe this feeling of dread in his heart she felt as well and maybe they were doing each other a favor.

"I do, I really do love her; I think that on some level I never stopped loving her and I know how awful that sounds especially right now. I would understand if you hated me and never wanted to speak to me again." Oliver said giving her an out that he wasn't even sure she wanted but figured that he had to offer it considering all he has put her through.

"I don't hate you, if I hated you then I would in turn have to hate myself for staying in a relationship that I knew wasn't really going anywhere. From the beginning I could tell that you weren't really in it, that I was a rebound and I was okay with that. At the time my mother kept telling me how having a career was pointless that all I needed to do was marry a rich guy and I would be set for life. After so many times of hearing it I figured I could more than likely find a trust fund baby at Harvard and bring him home to meet my parents to subdue them for a while; that's when we met. I could tell that you were still in love with whatever girl you probably broke up with to go to college and I figured you were looking for a rebound and I was just looking for a rich boy to show off to my parents. However, we never really called it quits, mainly because I think we felt some sort of comfort in whatever arrangement we had, I mean we weren't ever really a couple and we were a hell of a lot more than friends. I think we fell into a rhythm that we both grew used to and after a while neither one of us wanted to leave. So, in a way I guess I am glad that you are still in love with her and want to break things off because you're setting us both free." McKenna looked to Oliver and gave him a sad smile and he could tell by the look in her eyes that she was telling the truth and that there really wasn't any hard feelings between them. He finally felt like a four-and-a-half-year weight had been lifted off of his shoulder at releasing this burden of not having to play the charade any longer. He looked up at her and gave her a sad and apologetic smile wishing that he could still take back all of the lies that he had told her. Oliver got up and walked over to her wrapping his arms around her in one last embrace, no matter how much either of them said that they were relieved to break things off they still had spent the entirety of the last four years growing with each other.

"I'm just going to say this one last time; I really am sorry for everything. You deserve a lot better than the way that I treated you." Oliver said kissing McKenna's forehead and stepping away from the embrace between them, he really did feel awful about everything no matter what she said.

"Yeah, you're probably right, but you also deserved better than the way that I treated you as well. Let's just call this even; friends?" McKenna asked with a smile on her face, holding out her hand for him to shake also making him smile.

"Friends." Oliver said and shook her hand making them both chuckle.

"Now go! Go and win your girl back, try not to be a douche this time around." She joked and shoved him out the door, she was able to tell from the beginning that he still loved Felicity and that was the thing that was missing from their relationship. In his mind Mckenna could never live up to Felicity, but McKenna was actually kind of okay with that. As long as they both ended up happy she would cheer them on from the sidelines.

"Alright, I'm going!" Oliver said as he laughed at the force behind her pushing him out the door, maybe they actually could be friends after all. Once he made it into the hall he turned around and gave her one last look.

"Goodbye McKenna." Oliver said and visibly relaxed as the words left his mouth, which did not go unnoticed by McKenna. She leaned her temple on the door and stared at him with fresh tears ready to fall from her eyes at the thought of actually letting him go.

"Goodbye Oliver." McKenna took a deep breath before closing the door knowing that if she didn't then she might try and stop him from leaving.

Oliver stared at the door for a few moments before finally making the moves to leave the apartment building. He got into his car and sat there for a few moments as he let himself cry for the relationship that he just let go. McKenna was most of the reason that he had grown up over the past four years, he owed a lot to her. He gave himself the time to sit there and mourn for what he had with her, he wanted to go and see Felicity with nothing else on his mind but her and trying to make things right. He knew however that would require him to properly try and mourn the relationship he had with McKenna. He wiped a few tears off of his cheeks as he started the car, but he realized that he didn't have any place to stay. The place he lived in with McKenna was technically hers and he didn't exactly want to ask to stay there considering what just happened.

He picked up his phone and ran through his contacts and called the only person that he thought would pick up and would always let him crash with him when he needed the chance.

"Oliver man, what's up? It's been a while since I have heard from you." Diggle said from the other side of the phone silently wondering what kind of trouble Oliver had gotten himself into if he was calling him. Ever since high school they have had the type of friendship that they could go months without talking but always go right back to the way that things were before.

Oliver smiled knowing that the times that either one of them would call the other is when they needed someone to work out with and take out frustrations on, it had become a cycle almost that they didn't mind. Last time they had talked was a month ago when Dig and his wife Lyla had gotten into a fight and Dig needed someone to talk to.

"Well a lot has happened in the last month, the past week really." Oliver started.

"Yeah, I heard about your dad man, I meant to call but it just slipped my mind over the past few days, its been hectic the past week for us too. How's your dad doing?" Diggle asked feeling slightly guilty that he never called Oliver to see how he was doing, but he knew that Oliver wouldn't be mad at him.

"He's doing good actually, he is recovering in the hospital at the moment, they are probably going to release him sometime soon." Oliver made the small talk glad to have something else to think about other than his complicated love life at the moment.

"That's great to hear man I am happy that he is doing okay. I'm guessing that's not the reason that you called however." Dig said mirth evident in his voice knowing Oliver long enough to know that there was an ulterior motive behind this call other than to just catch up.

"Would you maybe want to go and get a drink?" Oliver asked not wanting to explain everything over the phone.

"Sure man, I could use a drink after the week I have had, baby Sara hasn't slept through the night in a week and I am currently running on empty. Usual place?" Dig asked

"Yeah sounds good, meet in a half hour?" Oliver asked already putting the car in drive and starting to pull out of the parking garage heading in the direction of the bar him and Dig normally meet at.

"Sounds good, see you then." Dig hung up and made his way out of the house wondering what had Oliver in such a mood for him to have called him and go straight to wanting to get a drink instead of trying to beat his ass in a sparring match.

"Wait, so let me get this straight. You and Felicity got into a blow out at your mom's house because she told you that she was at the train station that day and you admitted to still having feelings for her. Then you kissed her and accused her of trying to run away from her problems because she wanted you to figure your shit out before coming to her. Then you broke things off with McKenna because you realize that you love Felicity and not her?" Dig asked wanting to make sure that he had everything correct, he now understood why the man needed a drink.

"Besides a few small details pretty much for the most part yeah, that's how my life is currently going." Oliver said finishing his second double shot of whiskey, he was really starting to feel it.

Dig blew out a slow breath and shook his head trying to process everything that Oliver had just told him. Diggle knew first-hand how much his and Felicity's break up really screwed with his head. He had been friends with both of them since their sophomore year of high school but lost touch with Felicity after graduation and her parents died. "That sounds rough man. What do you plan to do?"

Oliver paused not exactly sure how to even answer that question because he didn't even know what to do. "I mean I know that I don't want to let Felicity go; I love her, I know that's not going to change. But I just got out of a four and a half year relationship, I can say that I wasn't _in love _with McKenna all I want, but that doesn't dilute the years I spent thinking that I did love her and wanted to spend my life with her. I feel like I owe it to her to at least take some time before actually going to Felicity and asking her to give me another shot." Oliver took a moment to think about all of the feelings swirling around his mind and trying to differentiate what was what.

Diggle watched his friend and could see the anguish that was presently on his face, he didn't exactly know what to say to help him. "I think that might be a good idea, you should be completely certain of what you want when you finally go and talk to Felicity, in the meantime however, maybe you should have an honest conversation with her. Explain what happened and why you acted the way that you did. You owe her at least that, from what you said you kind of blew up on her and when she was trying to keep you in check, and she didn't deserve that."

Oliver nodded knowing that Digg was right, he did owe Felicity an explanation at the very least about what happened, and he was going to do exactly that tomorrow. He knew that she would be at her parents packing stuff up.

"If you need a place to stay, you're always welcome at the apartment, Lyla has been bothering me to invite you over for dinner and since you're technically homeless for the time being you might as well come and stay with us." Diggle said silently hoping that Oliver would say yes so that Lyla would stop bugging him.

Oliver laughed and nodded agreeing to at the very least go and have dinner at the Diggle's, "I'll help get Lyla off your back, mainly because that woman is terrifying."

"You got that right man, I thought that pregnant Lyla was terrifying but Lyla as a new mom is even worse, it's also hard saying no to a woman that I know could kill me with her bare hands." Diggle joked; his wife was a force to be reckoned with, but he wouldn't have it any other way.

"How are you guys doing by the way? How's baby Sara?" Oliver asked not having seen Lyla or baby Sara in a long while and he actually kind of missed them both. He remembered how Laurel was when she had her and Tommy's first baby, she was a mess for the first couple of months and Tommy wasn't much better.

"She's good for the most part, as much as a new parent can be with no sleep. This kid has a set of lungs on her man, she can scream for an hour straight without even taking a break." Diggle chuckles and shakes his head remembering his wife's words from the other day as she threatened their little girl that if she stop screaming, she was going to be in a world of hurt.

The night went on like that for a few hours before the two men made their way back to the Diggle's apartment. They shared stories from the past couple of months just catching up and having a good time seeing each other again. He didn't realize how much he missed his friend until they spend the night talking and catching up.

Once they got back to the apartment and Lyla and Oliver shared some small talk and pleasantries he apologized and said that he was going to head to bed. He had a lot on his mind, and he needed a good night's sleep before talking with Felicity.

Felicity walked into her parents' house and couldn't help it when she immediately started to break down. She looked around and memories that she hadn't let herself think about in five years came back to haunt her. Thinking about her parents always gave her a feeling of sadness and emptiness that she hated, so she never allowed herself to think about them unless she knew that she could get herself back out of it; most of the time she could.

Felicity took a deep breath and looked around at all of the boxes thankful that she wouldn't have to pack up the entire house, just her room, she however still had to go through everything and decide what she wanted to do with everything.

She silently wished that her and Oliver were on speaking terms because she could really use some help and even a little bit of moral support. Thea offered to come and help her, but she really only wanted Oliver's help if she was being honest with herself, and she hated herself for it.

She was still angry at the way that he had acted and about the fact that he had wanted her to cheat with him but that doesn't mean that she didn't miss him; or consider it for a few seconds. She felt awful for even considering it, but she had been stuck on these feeling for Oliver for so long that it was hard not to just go right back into old ways.

Felicity went into the living room and immediately got to work knowing that if she spent too much time dwelling she really wasn't going to get anything done today. She grabbed headphones from her purse, putting her hair up into her usual ponytail, and grabbed a marker to write on the boxes where they were going and got to work.

She had been working for a few hours and almost had all the boxes downstairs sorted into piles of what she was doing with them until she heard a knock on the door. Her stomach dropped, there was only one person that would knock on that door, only two people knew she would be here today; Oliver and Thea; and she knew that it wasn't Thea standing behind that door. She wouldn't have knocked, she would have just walked in.

Felicity stood in the middle of the living room staring in the direction of the noise not sure whether or not she should ignore it and keep working or answer the door. That was when her phone vibrated with a text from a number she didn't recognize, but she knew right away that it was Oliver by the contents of the text.

**I know you're here. I spoke to Thea and asked where you were.**

**I just wanna talk.**

**Please.**

She sighed and cursed Thea for giving him her number and for him asking nicely to talk to her, how could she say no to that?

Felicity took a deep breath shutting off her music and setting her phone down on one of the many boxes and made her way to the door and opened it just enough for her to stand in the opening and not let him inside.

They both stared at each other for a few moments not sure what to say to each other, Oliver was the first one to say anything.

"Could I come in?" Oliver asked and Felicity felt slightly bad for how awful he looked; like he had tossed and turned all night hardly getting any sleep, she couldn't not let him in when he looked that helpless.

Felicity sighed and stepped back enough to let him in knowing that this day couldn't possibly get anymore hard than it already was. Felicity wasn't sure exactly what was going to happen between her and Oliver, but she just had a gut feeling that it wasn't anything good.

Oliver stepped up into the house and looked around and immediately was hit with nostalgia and grief looking around and seeing that no one had taken down the pictures on the wall. He looked at Felicity and saw that she was watching him probably trying to figure out what he wanted and why he was there.

"Last time I was here was before the accident, place doesn't look much different." Oliver made the off handed comment still not entirely sure what he wanted to say to her.

"Yeah well, it's kind of hard for it to change when the people who lived here died and no one's been here in over five years." Felicity snarked back making her close her eyes and take a deep breath, she didn't want to be rude to Oliver no matter how angry she was with him.

"What are you doing here Oliver?" Felicity asked crossing her arms across her chest and staring up at him making sure that there was a good amount of distance between them.

Oliver looked down at his feet trying to figure out what to say to her, he knew what he wanted to say, but just didn't know how to put it into words, mainly because he knew that it probably wasn't what she wanted to hear at the moment.

"After our fight the other night I knew that I had some thinking to do, I had to decide what I wanted to do and honestly it wasn't until this morning that I really knew what needed to happen." Oliver paused and looked at Felicity hoping that he could find the strength that he needed in her eyes; he unfortunately found nothing but sadness painted in her eyes.

"First, I want to say that I am sorry for what I said after you told me that I needed to figure out my shit, I shouldn't have blown up on you like that and I'm sorry. I was mostly mad at myself for how I acted and the fact that I even for a second thought that you would cheat with me makes me sick. However, I meant every word that I said to you, I do love you and I know that I always will." Oliver stopped not knowing how to put what he was feeling into words; he didn't realize he had been quiet for so long until Felicity spoke.

"Did you…Are you and McKenna still together?" Felicity asked not sure if really wanted an answer to the question.

Oliver shook his head and stuffed his hands in his pockets in an attempt to stop himself from touching her and enveloping her up in his arms and asking her to give him a second chance. He looked down at his shoes not wanting to look at her as he said this.

"No. I broke things off with her yesterday, I was honest with her about everything and she did the same with me. She said how she kind of already knew everything that I was telling her, that she had fallen out of love with me a while ago but was just scared to let me go." Oliver said and looked back up from his shoes and saw that she was carefully watching him. He could see some form of relief in her eyes feeling even worse that he is going to take that away from her again.

"I'm sorry to hear that Oliver, honestly. You seemed happy when you were with her." She said honestly wanting to hug him and wipe away the tears that she could tell were about to fall down his cheeks as he looked back down at his shoes. She could tell that there was something else on his mind, she carefully took a few steps forward, gently placing her hands on his arms making him look up at her.

"Penny for your thoughts?" She asked smiling up at him remembering how that used to be code for them, telling the other that they were there to listen with no judgement.

Oliver laughed and shook his head feeling a bit more relaxed still not making a move to touch her back. He knew that he could tell her this, she always appreciated when people were straight forward and honest with her.

"I love you, but I think I need to take some time to figure out who I am without anyone. I went from dating you for five years and then almost straight into a relationship with McKenna for four and a half years and I don't know who I am on my own. I want to be the best man I possibly can for you if we gave us another shot, I want to be able to be in it 100% and I know that in order to do that I need to figure out who I am." Oliver admitted not even knowing that he was crying until Felicity wiped away the tears from his cheeks making him close his eyes and just relish in her touch against his skin.

Felicity stared at the man before her for what felt like hours but was more realistically probably a few minutes. She stared into the ocean that was his eyes and felt as if she was starting to drown from everything he was telling her from just that one look. She took a shaky breath letting a few tears run down her own cheeks as she continued to drown in emotion. She was thankful that he was honest with her and that she now knew where he stood but that doesn't mean that it didn't hurt like hell knowing that she was going to have to say goodbye to him for a second time. The worst part about this time is that she was leaving knowing that he loved her and there was nothing she could do to keep him. He needed to be ready and she would respect that, it still fucking sucked.

"Take all the time that you need, I'll wait for you; just make sure that the next time we see each other it's not in five years." Felicity joked repeating his words back to him trying to get a small smile out of him instead he just narrowed his eyes at her.

"Too soon?" She asked still smiling, she wanted to tell him so many other things, but she knew that if she did, she wouldn't be able to let him go when she left to go back to LA in a few days.

"Just a little maybe." He said finally cracking a smile making hers grow wider, Oliver took the small step that closed the distance between them settling his hands on her hips and gave her a kiss on the forehead. Felicity closed her eyes as her hands moved down his face and around his neck and buried themselves in the hair at the nape of his neck. She didn't want to let him go, she wished that she could keep him in this moment forever, but she knew that wasn't a possibility. He needed to go and find himself just like she needed to when they first broke up; what's another few months or maybe even a year compared to the last five years? It seemed like a piece of cake compared to that.

"Just make me one promise okay?" Felicity asked as they pulled only far enough to look into each other's eyes.

Oliver nodded and gave her hips a squeeze still not being able to believe that he was holding Felicity in his arms again. "Anything."

"Come back to me." She said her eyes looking between his as she gently pulled on his hair out of nervousness and the tension in her body at the thought of walking away from Oliver not knowing when she was going to see him again.

"Always." Oliver replied smiling down at her feeling really at peace for the first time in what feels like forever.

Felicity looked up at him and smiled, she couldn't hold it in ay longer. She couldn't stand here for any longer and not kiss him, so kiss him she did. She pulled him down to meet her lips and they both instantly melted into each other.

Oliver wrapped his arms around her hips pulling her closer to him not being able to resist the pull that he always seemed to have towards her. They kissed each other like their lives depended on it and before they both knew it; they were in the living room and fell onto an old couch not even seeming to care the cloud of dust that surrounded them from years of not being used.

Felicity straddled Oliver lap as she started to push up his shirt before he pulled away and stopped her before they went too far. He regretted this the moment that he looked in her eyes and saw nothing but desire behind them, he became so painfully hard that he thought that he would combust.

"We can't. For one this is not how I want the first time us having sex after everything to go and Second, I still need time. Not that I don't want to continue what we were just doing because _believe me I do; _I just want to be in the right headspace and also not on an old dusty couch that gives me terrifying flashbacks from high school. Especially one incredibly terrifying incident where your parents walked in on us practically naked, that was the most terrifying incident of my life."

Felicity threw her head back laughing at the particular memory, the hands that were still under Oliver's shirt roamed around to his back as she thought about it. "Yeah, I remember that, my dad chased you out of the house without a shirt on. I got grounded for an entire month for that which I still think was extremely unreasonable, you only had your shirt off."

"You do remember that you only had your underwear on, right? You were practically naked, if it were our daughter in that situation, I would probably have done a lot worse than what your dad did to us." Oliver said not even realizing what had just came out of his mouth. Felicity gave him a heartwarming smile as her stomach fluttered at the idea of them having a family, a daughter no less. She continued on pretending that it was no big deal them talking about theoretical children.

"Okay I will give you that I was practically naked and if it were our daughter I would have done a lot worse to her than my mother did to me which was just take me to get on the pill and never talk about it again." Felicity chuckled as she stared at Oliver still not being able to believe that after everything that had happened, they had made it here. Felicity smiled and gave Oliver a gentle kiss that didn't last more than a few seconds before getting up from his lap and helping him up not wanting him to leave but knowing that he had to.

Oliver and Felicity made their way back to the door in silence not ready to let go just yet, but Oliver knew that the sooner he left the sooner he would be back, and they could finally start their lives together. They got to the door and Oliver opened it but turned around to look at her one last time and giving her the smile that he reserved for her, that smile that told him that he was really happy and at peace. He leaned forward and gave her another kiss, this one filled with promises and hope. When he pulled away the smile on her face almost stopped him from leaving but he knew that he needed to.

Felicity watched him leave with a sad smile and sighed a breath of relief of just knowing that he was going to go and figure everything out that he needed to and then he would come back to her. She had faith, because if she didn't then she knew that she wouldn't make it.

**AN/ Hey guys! I know that I haven't left an author's not on anything of the chapters but I just wanted to say thank you for reading this roller coaster of a fic and to say there is one more chapter and then an epilogue and then this story will come to a close.**

**ALSO kudos to any of you that caught the Veronica Mars reference, I have become obsessed recently and couldn't not throw in a little LoVe action for any marshmallows out there!**

**Until next time, tell me what you lovely readers think in the reviews!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Six months later**

Oliver sat on a plane heading south towards LA silently admonishing himself for how far he has come. For the first month after Felicity had left, he had tried to find his own way, but he quickly realized that he couldn't do any of this on his own; he needed help.

It was actually his dad that suggested the idea to him, him and his dad had started to work out together. After Robert's heart-attack Oliver started to force him to come to the gym with him, Oliver took it easy on him at first until he regained his strength. Robert had told Oliver that maybe it was time for him to consider going to therapy, sometimes figuring out your shit on your own and becoming a better man required asking for some help.

Oliver took his dad's words to heart and the next week had his first appointment with a therapist and had been going every week since, he was ashamed at first until he realized that this was what it took to get better and that there was nothing wrong with that. There was nothing wrong with asking for a little bit of help, he would do anything if it meant that he was going to get Felicity back in his life.

It took five long months of Oliver and his therapist working through things until they decided that he was ready to go and face Felicity again and try and win her back. At first Oliver wasn't so sure but it didn't take long for Theresa to convince him.

"_I think it's time for you to try and go get her back, you said in your first session that you were coming to therapy to be a better man and work through your demons but you really wanted to be better for her and I think that you have finally worked to that point. You aren't the same man that you were before Oliver." Theresa said looking at Oliver as he was looking down at his hands and she leaned down trying to force him to look her in the eye._

"_I don't know. I feel like I am that same immature guy who blames everyone else for his problems and still isn't ready to take over the family company. I feel like I am still that failure that everyone thinks I am." Oliver looks up at her and starts to tear up still feeling like the failure that he was five months ago._

"_Oliver, you have been here for five months coming in once a week sometimes even twice, you put in the work and maybe you aren't completely ready to stop therapy sessions but I do think that maybe you are ready to take a look at the possibility that maybe you are ready to face Felicity. You told me that you wanted to work towards being able to be alone and be a good man, to be an honest man and one that could be the type of man that Felicity deserves. If I am being honest, I thought you were that man from the beginning, it takes a lot for someone to be able to take a look at themselves and admit to their wrong doing and you came in already doing that. I think you are ready Oliver; you have this crazy idea in your mind that you have to be whole and healed in order to go and win Felicity back but I think that you might want to think about the possibility of letting her help you heal the rest of the way." _

_Oliver leaned back into the couch and took a deep breath wondering whether or not she was right, what if he should go to Felicity and let her in? What if he went to her healed just enough that he could let her in, and they could heal together? Oliver laughed because like always, everything that Theresa was saying was making sense._

"_It's sessions like these that I don't even have to wonder why I pay you the big bucks." Oliver says shaking his head as they both chuckle together, without even realizing it himself he had come a long way and he was ready to make the leap._

"_It helps that you actually participate in sessions, without even knowing it you are pretty much an open book." Theresa says looking at the clock and seeing that their session is over for today._

"_Well looks I have a flight to LA to go book and a woman to win back." Oliver chuckles and for the first time in six months the thought of seeing Felicity again makes him giddy._

That was how he found himself on a flight to LA the next morning not even being able to wait to see her, that was until he thought about what he was going to say to her. He went over so many possibilities of what he could say to her but none of them could properly show her that he was ready to give them a shot and that he loved her with everything in his heart and soul. He sighs and runs his hands through his hair for the umpteenth time wondering if maybe Theresa was just looney and he shouldn't have listened to the crazy woman.

"Woman troubles?" Oliver looks next to him to his seat partner to see an older woman in her 70's who looks sweet and harmless, she actually reminds him of his own grandmother slightly. He figures that he has nothing left to lose and nods, he might as well use this time to maybe get some advice.

"Yeah. I am on my way to see…well I don't exactly know what to call her. She isn't my girlfriend, at least not yet, and she definitely isn't just a friend. The easiest way to put it is that we used to date in high school, and I am currently on my way to try and win her back after I messed up big time the last time that I saw her." Oliver finished and looked next to him to see the older woman smiling at him

"That sounds like me and my Bernie, we were high school sweethearts and we would fight constantly; we even fought about the weather once and it turned into us not speaking for two days. But we always made it work no matter what, would both say things we didn't mean and then we would talk about it and move on. It wasn't until I thought that I lost him during the war that I realized I couldn't live without him." The woman looked down at her wedding bands before looking back at Oliver and his heart ached for this older woman.

"When did he pass if you don't mind me asking?" Oliver asked being able to see in her eyes that something had happened to him.

"Oh, it's okay. He passed away a few years ago, it's gets easier everyday but it's still hard to fall asleep at night without him there. I am saying all of this because no matter how hard things get between you and your girl always fight for her, you will never regret it." The woman says making Oliver smile and feel at ease a little bit.

"I'm sorry, I can't imagine how hard that must be being without him. I don't think I ever caught your name, I'm Oliver." Oliver offered making the older woman smile.

"I'm Julia." They spend the rest of the flight taking, mostly about her and her amazing life with her husband and all of the things that they went through together. Oliver was amazed to hear what they had went through and somehow still made everything work loving each other just as much.

Oliver helped her off of the plane and over to where her granddaughter was waiting for her at baggage claim, Oliver smiled as he thought about everything that Julia had said to him on the flight. About never giving up and about treasuring every moment that him and Felicity had together because you never knew when a moment would be your last.

When he stepped into his cab, he felt immensely better and calm about seeing Felicity again, even though he had no idea what he was going to say or whether or not she had given up on him and already had a boyfriend. He knew that things would eventually work out between them.

The cab pulled up to Felicity and Sara's house and he was impressed as he looked at the decent sized house that was sitting in front of him. He walked up the front path and knocked on the front door not even knowing what to expect or if anyone was even home.

The door flew open and he found Sara standing in front of him slowly looking him up and down as if trying to figure out what he wanted by just looking at him. He stood there trying to gauge what she was thinking but she had never been an easy person to read.

"Is Felicity here?" Oliver asked praying to whatever god is up there that Sara doesn't for some reason hate him through affiliation. He knew that Sara wasn't really one to hold a grudge, but he knew how close her, and Felicity were and there was a chance that Sara would hate him just for what happened years ago.

"Who's asking?" Sara asks trying her best not to smile as Oliver narrows his eyes at her as if trying to figure out whether or not she was joking or not. Sara eventually breaks and starts laughing shaking her head.

"Sometimes Oliver Queen you are too damn easy to mess with, she's at the studio. I think they are finally on her last song and today should be the last day they are in there, they have been there since last night though so who knows how much longer they have before they are finished." Sara sighed, she had barely seen Felicity these past six months since she got back from Starling and threw herself into making this album. Sara steps back and let's Oliver in and starts to make her way back into the kitchen to continue making her lunch.

"I blame you for this you know, I haven't seen my best friend hardly at all in six months since she got back from Starling and ya know…I get this strange feeling that has something to do with you." Sara says emphasizing what she was saying with the knife in her hand only making him slightly terrified.

"She has thrown herself into this album ever since she got home and for once in her life hasn't said a word to me about what happened that week that she was in Starling. Only thing she did tell me was that Robert was doing good and that she finally sold her parent's house, so before I do anything, I want to know what happened between the two of you that has her so twisted up." Sara said making Oliver feel slightly guilty for leaving Felicity like he did but he knew that it needed to happen, and he wasn't going to apologize.

Oliver took a deep breath and told her everything that had happened between them only stopping when Sara had questions and surprisingly when Sara set a plate of her famous garlic pasta in front of him for him to eat.

"So now I am here hoping to win her back and start over, I am not naïve enough to think that she sat here waiting for me, but I am hoping that I can maybe make things up to her." Oliver said finishing up his pasta not realizing how starving he was until Sara set food down in front of him.

"Well sorry to disappoint but she kind of did sit here and wait for you, I tried plenty of times to get her to go out on dates, but she always said that she couldn't. She was always making up lame excuses which annoyed the shit out of me until now knowing why she was doing it. I'm kind of proud of you Ollie, the you from high school would have never been able to admit when he was wrong and go out and seek help. But you did and you did it to be a good man, not only for Felicity but for yourself too." Sara said bringing a new sense of pride onto himself hearing her say that, since her and Felicity were close in high school, he had, by proxy, become close with her as well. It was nice to hear someone tell him that they were proud of him for getting better.

"Thanks Sara, that means a lot to hear you say that; you honestly have no idea." Oliver says smiling as Sara put a hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. No matter how much she wanted Felicity to move on from Oliver she always secretly rooted for this moment where they finally made their way back to each other.

"Alright enough of this, let's go get your girl back so that I can have my best friend back." Sara said jumping off of the stool that she was sitting on at the kitchen island.

Oliver watched her walk around the island and set their dishes in the sink and start walking towards the door and panicked slightly not feeling ready to face Felicity just yet.

"Wait what? No. No, I don't think that I am ready to see her just yet." Oliver said and Sara turned around giving him a no nonsense look not wanting to listen to his shit any longer, he came here to get Felicity back and that was what he was going to do.

"What do you mean you aren't ready to talk to her? _That was the whole point of you flying down here!_" Sara said exasperated that he was being such a child about seeing Felicity when that was the whole reason he made this trip to begin with.

"What if I'm not ready? What if I say the wrong thing and then she leaves? What if I can't be the man that she needs me to be?" Oliver asks all of his insecurities coming out to haunt him.

Sara watches him for a few minutes and sighs, these two idiots were going to be the death of her. "Oliver I can guarantee you that you were the man she needed six months ago, from what you said, she didn't push you for this space. You took it because you needed it to get over McKenna and get in the right headspace that _you_ needed. I can almost guarantee you that she is going to be over the moon to see you." Sara wasn't ever good at pep talks, but she knew that he needed to be talked up in order to get him out the door and to the studio.

Oliver thought on what she said for a few minutes knowing that she was right, he was just scared that somehow, she had become someone different and wouldn't love him anymore but the more he thought that the more stupid it sounded even to him. He needed to go and see her and set things straight because he couldn't continue pretending to be okay when Felicity wasn't in his life.

"Well then, let's get this over with before I lose my nerve and end up running back to Starling without even speaking to her." Oliver jumped off of his barstool and followed Sara out the door trying to think of all of the things that the older woman Julia told him on the plane here, he tried to use all of that to hype himself up. He knew that Sara was right and that she was going to be over the moon to see him, it was just getting there and actually talking to her that was going to be terrifying.

Sara and Oliver drove in silence to the studio with nothing but the radio to keep them company, it left Oliver to his own devices and he wasn't sure if he was thankful for it or not. They pulled up to the recording studio and Oliver instantly regretted ever listening to Sara because he wasn't sure that he could do this. He got out of the car anyways, it was now or never.

Felicity would be the first to admit that life for the past six months was not the easiest. Leaving Starling after her and Oliver's conversation was near impossible, but she knew that he needed to find himself and be on his own. She was going to give him as much time and space as he needed in order to be the person and the man that he wanted to be. However, the longer she waits the more she wants to storm over to Starling and shake him because she wants him back and wants him in her life, for good this time.

So, she threw herself into her work and has been working her ass off to get her album finished so that they could finally relax for a few weeks before starting press for her tour. They were on the last song of the album and for some reason this one was taking the longest; she was getting ready to punch her producer in the face for how many times he had stopped her mid-take. She didn't want a lawsuit or any bad press for punching her producer so she resisted the best that she could, but the longer that this went on the harder it got.

"Stop. Let's start over you weren't in time with the guitar at the beginning" Her producer, Cisco, said pinching the bridge of his nose; they were on the fifteenth take of this song and they were all a bit on edge because they all just wanted to be done.

"I swear it's like she didn't write all of these songs herself." Cisco remarked forgetting to take his finger off the button so Felicity could hear everything that he was saying.

"You know I don't care if you want to talk shit about me just next time remember to take your finger off the button so I can't hear you." Felicity bit back not even slightly regretful, they were on hour 13 in the studio and they were trying to push through this last song, but it seemed to not be working out in any of their favors.

Cisco looked down at his finger and picked it up off the button and signaled for her to go again, Felicity sighed the images of her being home and relaxing after this session and finally being done with this album running through her head. It was the only thing getting her through all of this, plus the idea of her and Sara running away to Hawaii on a girl's trip was pushing her to finish this session as quick as possible.

She heard the guitar star strumming on her headphones and she closed her eyes counting herself in as she started singing her lyrics.

"I didn't mean to hurt you  
So why'd I let you walk out the door?  
You say that you don't know me  
You don't know who I am anymore  
But if you knew the truth, then  
Then you wouldn't feel insecure  
'Cause if I didn't have you  
I wouldn't have nothing at all

"I wish you could see yourself through my eyes  
I always forget that you can't read my mind"

Oliver walks into the room with Sara not too far behind him, they all look their way wondering who they are and how they got in there but Felicity's team recognizes Sara and lets her in not really caring as long as they continue to get this track because this seemed to be Felicity's best take yet.

Oliver looks over at her and sees her take a breath and start singing what he assumed was the chorus, her face seemed to light up as she sang, and he couldn't be more mesmerized by her. She had her eyes closed the whole time, so she never knew that Oliver was there watching her sing.

"As long as I got you and me  
Moving through this world as a two-man team  
I'll always have everything I need  
You don't even realize what you mean  
No one could fall for you quite like me  
No one could get me so perfectly  
You don't even realize (Oh-oh-oh)  
You're all that I need  
'Cause I want you and me, you and me

"I know one day we'll look back  
Stories on the tip of our tongues  
A library full of pages  
Remembering when we fell in love  
All of the broken hearts and the stupid mistakes  
Have got us to where we are, it was worth all the pain  
Yeah, we'll look back  
We'll look back and laugh" Felicity opens her eyes to look down at the music stand in front of her as she read the new bridge that they wrote a few days ago. She thinks of Oliver the whole time as she sings this imagining a life with him and actually getting to be with him like she had been wanting for years now. She actually smiles as she sings the chorus again closing her eyes and none the wiser that Oliver is witnessing all of this as it happens. As her face lights up as she sings.

"As long as I got you and me  
Moving through this world as a two-man team  
I'll always have everything I need  
You don't even realize what you mean  
No one could fall for you quite like me  
No one could get me so perfectly  
You don't even realize (Oh-oh-oh)  
You're all that I need

"'Cause I want you, you, you  
Me, me, me, together  
Oh, I want you, you, you  
Me, me, me, forever (Oh-oh-oh)  
You and me, you and me (Oh-oh-oh)  
You and me, you and me (Oh-oh-oh)  
You and me, you and me (Oh-oh-oh)  
You and me, you and me

"As long as I got you and me  
Moving through this world as a two-man team  
I'll always have everything I need  
You don't even realize what you mean (Oh-oh-oh)  
No one could fall for you quite like me (Oh-oh-oh)  
No one could get me so perfectly (Oh-oh-oh)  
You don't even realize (Oh-oh-oh)  
You're all that I need

"'Cause I want you, you, you  
And me, me, me, together (You and me, you and me)  
Oh, I want you, you, you  
And me, me, me, forever (You and me, you and me)" She looks up to see if that take was good enough for Cisco as she listened to her backup singers in her headphones still singing as the song comes to a close, but all that she sees is Oliver. For a minute she thinks that she is imagining him just because she wanted him there that badly, but she looked to see Sara there as well. As if Sara could read what was on her mind, she nodded telling her that Oliver was actually there after all of this time.

Felicity waits until the song comes to a close to book it out of the booth and rushes into Oliver's arms, throwing her arms around his neck and jumping into his arms throwing her legs around his waist not hearing any of the people's questions of what she was doing or what was going on. After six months of barely talking to each other she missed him insanely, it was different than before. Before when she had left, she thought that she wasn't going to see him again; but when she left Starling the last time, she knew that she would see him and be with him again and that was its own kind of torture.

Oliver caught her by throwing his arms around her waist and just held her, not wanting to let her go for a while. He didn't know how much he had missed her over the last six months until she was in his arms and clinging to him like a koala.

"I missed you." Felicity whispered into Oliver's ear not even noticing Sara ushering the rest of her team out of the room to give them some time for themselves. Felicity was going to have to give Sara a giant thank you later for giving her some time with him.

"I missed you too, I'm sorry it took me so long to come back to you. I guess I was a lot more damaged than I originally thought." Oliver joked making both of them laugh and pull away just enough to look into each other's eyes.

"I'm just happy that you came back, there was a little bit there where I thought that you might not actually come back to me. I thought that maybe the last thing you said to me was a lie." Felicity admitted still not letting go of him, this all seemed like a dream, after five years of being apart and not talking to each other and thinking that they would never get a chance to see each other again; Felicity was waiting for the other shoe to drop. She was waiting for him to give her a reason why things wouldn't work or how maybe him and McKenna were back together, but he didn't say anything. All he did was look into her eyes and make her feel like the only woman in the world that he wanted to be with.

"No more lies, no more of that. If we are going to make this work, we have to be open and honest with each other, there's no other way that this will work." Oliver said not looking away from her gorgeous blue eyes and being completely serious, he wasn't going to let this relationship crash and burn like last time.

"Agreed." Felicity said finally unwrapping her legs from around him and standing back on her own two feet only to figure out that her legs felt like Jell-O just from the sheer love and adoration in Oliver's eyes.

Felicity smiled and let her hands thread into his hair and pull him down for a kiss not being able to resist herself any longer. He was finally here, and he was finally hers and she could really kiss him and not feel guilty about anything, there was nothing and no one standing in their way.

When they finally kissed it felt like they were in a fairy tale or a romance movie, it felt like everything that they had been through was leading up to this moment exactly. To this moment where they were both mature and in good places in their lives where they could really commit to a relationship. This felt like fate, it felt for the first times in both of their lives that maybe something good could come from something that started off as something really dark.

It felt like magic.

It felt bigger than the fricken universe.

**AN/ ahhhhhhh! It is finally done and complete! What did y'all think about everything? Let me know your thoughts in the comments!**

**Thank you so much for taking this wild right with me! I know that it was a slow burn and angsty but you have to admit it was pretty fun!**

**ALSO! Be on the lookout there should be an epilogue coming soon!**


	11. Epilogue

**One Year Later**

Felicity always loved being on tour, there was always something magical about being in a different city every night, however recently it seems to be dragging on and on. Her and Oliver have been together for a year and it has been the best year of her life, she has everything that she ever wished for. She just hated not being able to see him while being on tour, he took a few weeks off and went on tour with her for the first two weeks before needing to go back to Starling to go back to reality. She missed him like crazy whenever they couldn't talk, working opposite schedules was starting to take a toll but they were making things work the best that they could.

When they first got back together they were in what seemed to be a never ending honeymoon phase; Sara saw how in love they were and decided to give her plane ticket to Hawaii to Oliver so he and Felicity could have two weeks to themselves before things started to get crazy for Felicity when her album was released and everything started in full swing for her to go on tour.

They spent two weeks in a dream state almost never leaving each other's side and making up for the five years that they lost, but that made going back to reality even more difficult. Once Felicity got back to LA her world turned into an endless cycle of press. Late night talk shows, radio shows, interviews, photoshoots, meeting with loads of different people about merch for her tour and the tour dates and finalizing everything. Her and Oliver barely talked to each other and when they did it was for an hour here or there, but they always made sure to talk to each other and communicate. They both made an effort to see each other whenever they got the chance, Felicity knew that once she went on tour, she wouldn't be seeing him hardly at all for almost an entire year.

Felicity was currently in month three of her tour and she was currently in Detroit, she was actually really excited for the show tonight. Detroit always had an amazing audience and they were always energetic, made for an amazing show. She was backstage and in her dressing room and sat down to Face Time Oliver, they hadn't spoken in a few days and she missed his handsome face and hearing his voice. She went into his contact and started the call, but it immediately cancelled out, saying he wasn't available, and she got worried, she tried again, and it rang a few times before saying the same thing. He normally always answered her calls; she knew that he didn't have any meetings today so that couldn't be why he wasn't answering. She stared at her phone and sighed trying her hardest not to worry and not let herself overthink things.

She looked at the clock and saw that she needed to start getting ready soon for meet and greets, meeting her fans always helped her take her mind off of things. Her team walked in the door and she immediately pushed things out of her mind only wanting to think as far ahead as meeting her fans in an hour so, then she would be onstage and then she could figure out why Oliver was ignoring her.

She was nearly done with her meet and greet and was already exhausted, she could see that the line that wrapped through the room had at least 40 people left. Don't get her wrong she knew how incredibly lucky she was to be doing this and living her dream, she knew that it was only because of these people here that she was successful. She just wished that she wasn't so distracted, over the last few weeks her and Oliver had spoken maybe three times. He was taking over the company for his father finally and she was so incredibly proud of him, he had worked years for this, she just wished that it didn't mean that they barely had time for each other.

She had just finished taking pictures with a few girls when she heard a flurry of communication from her security over by the door, she looked around the room and then looked to her right towards the door as soon as he walked into the room.

Oliver walked into the room with a bouquet of flowers that she could tell he probably flew across the country with, her eyes immediately flooded with tears as she saw him, and she heard all of the people in the room swoon. In the past year the two of them have easily become a favorite celebrity couple, they were thrown in with ranks of Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard and Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds; it was a daunting task to live up to, but they did somehow.

Felicity covered her face with her hands as she started crying, she hadn't realized how much she really needed to see him until he was there, and he was wrapping his arms around her waist enveloping her in his arms. She buried her head in his neck as the rest of the room seemed to become background noise as she let herself fall into him. She pulled away from him to look at him and saw a dazzling smile on his face and she couldn't help but match it, she stepped in and gave him a quick kiss not even noticing that the entire room was watching them.

"So, is this why you didn't answer my calls earlier? You were on a plane on your way here to surprise me?" Felicity asked and Oliver nodded handing Felicity the bouquet of flowers making her smile grow tenfold as she smelled them.

"I actually came here because I have a pressing question to ask you." Oliver said reaching into his pocket as he got down on one knee. Felicity immediately started to tear up again not being able to believe that any of this was happening at all, this had to be a dream. She dropped the flowers and threw her hands over her mouth to hide her sobs as she stared down at him and the ring that he pulled out of his pocket.

"Felicity Meghan Smoak, I have loved you since the fourth grade and even though we don't always get along and always disagree, you always have to put me in my place and I wouldn't want to be going through this crazy complicated life with anyone else by my side. I love you for everything that you are and everything you are not; you deserve all the happiness in the world, and I hope that I can be the one to give that to you. So…Lis, will you make me the happiest man and do me the honor of becoming my wife?" Oliver asked never looking away from her eyes, he knew that this was the right decision, he wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his life figuring things out by her side.

"Yes! Of course! YES!" Felicity sobbed not being able to hold it in any longer as she laughed as Oliver had a giddy smile on his face as he put the ring on her shaking finger. He jumped up and enveloped her in a giant hug and spun her around before he set her down and kissed her senseless not even noticing the cheering crowd that had been watching the entire thing.

Over the past year they had spoken about marriage and the thought of getting married, they both knew that one day they wanted to be married to each other. Oliver even admitted that he was going to propose the night that they broke up only confirming Felicity's thoughts. She knew that Oliver was the man for her, that there was no one else out there for her, he was the only person that could make her smile and laugh on her worst days. It was one of those moments that she missed her parents, wishing that she could share this news with them but knew that they would be proud of her.

Oliver smiled down at Felicity and wiped her tears from her cheeks and kissed her nose making her blush forgetting for the millionth time in the past ten minutes that she was working and that they were on a schedule.

"I'm sorry to interrupt but we only have a little bit more time before we need to start prepping for the concert." Her manager says to her and she laughed not even being able to believe that she was that lost in the moment. She wanted nothing more than to ditch the meet and greets to spend more time with Oliver, but she knew that she couldn't do that. She sighed and looked to her manager and nodded, the sooner she got through this the sooner she could spend some time alone with Oliver. Felicity wiped some tears off of her face and looked up at Oliver.

"Okay. Let's get this show on the road then. Are you okay with just hanging out until I'm finished?" Felicity asked Oliver and he nodded loving when he got to watch her with her fans, she was always so gracious and bubbly with them.

"Yeah of course I'll just be over there waiting." Oliver nodded the smile never leaving his lips as he gave her a quick kiss. He made his way to stand with her team that was waiting over in the corner ready to rush her off to hair and make-up to get ready to be onstage. He watched her with her fans as every one of them congratulated her on her engagement, he saw her face light up in a glow every time that she said thanks or looked over at him. She got through everyone in a little less than an hour and he was thoroughly impressed that she sped through everyone but still somehow made it special for every person that she met with. She really did amaze him every time that he got the chance to just sit back and watch her in her element, he couldn't believe that she was going to be his wife. That they were going to get married and that she was going to be his for the rest of their lives, it seemed like a dream to him. He was getting to marry his best friend, he really couldn't ask for anything more in his life.

Felicity and her team rushed out of the room and over to her dressing room and hurried to get her ready for her first song, Felicity was so focused that she momentarily forgot that Oliver was there. The only reason she was reminded was when she would look down at her left hand and see the engagement ring on her finger, then she would start smiling uncontrollably. Felicity sat in her dressing room in front of her vanity as a flurry of people rushed around her trying to get her stage ready but the only thing on her mind right now was Oliver.

"How did you even get my ring size?" Felicity randomly asked right after they had got done with her makeup, there were so many questions running through her head. She looked up into the mirror and saw him gazing back at her.

"Sara. I called her and asked her to get it for me, I knew that if one person was going to know it, she would be the person to ask." Oliver said with a sly smile on his face like this way all a part of his giant plan.

Felicity smiled and shook her head lightly trying not to mess up her hairstylist as she was putting the finishing touches on her hair. She remembered the day that she asked too, it was such a random question. Sara came into her room and asked her what her ring size was feigning to want to borrow one of her rings and not wanting it to not fit, however Felicity knew that Sara had been borrowing her jewelry since they were in high school and never asked her before; now it made sense.

"Was this all a part of a giant plan or did you just hop on a plane not expecting to propose and then suddenly couldn't hold it in any longer?" Felicity asked curiously, Oliver always a spontaneous person but over the past year she had noticed that he was a lot more reserved and always seemed to have a plan for things.

"A little bit of both. I came here this weekend knowing that at some point I wanted to propose to you, but I just didn't know when I wanted to do it. We haven't seen a lot of each other or talked a whole lot recently and I figured that while there was a lull at the company, I could fly out here and surprise you. Then once I walked into that room to see you, I knew that I couldn't wait any longer so I just popped the questioned silently hoping that you wouldn't say no once I sprung it on you. We had been talking about getting engaged for the past few months anyways so I figured I would take advantage of the opportunity." Oliver explained hoping that she wasn't angry that he proposed in front a gaggle of fans, he knew that she wasn't a public proposal kind of gal, but he was hoping that if it was him doing it then she would forgive him.

"I have to admit I wasn't expecting it at all, and I was a bit taken a back, but you were lucky that I haven't seen you in a long time or I might have been a little upset. I love you though and honestly, I wouldn't have cared if you would have come onstage and proposed I would have said yes. I just wanna be with you and be married to you." Felicity said looking up from the ring on her finger and into the mirror at Oliver as they finally finished with her makeover for the show, she looked at her watch and saw that she had a half hour before she needed to start her pre-show ritual.

Oliver moved forward and turned the chair around giving her a kiss making sure not to mess up her makeup. He was still astonished everyday with how much she had accomplished and everything that she had done, he was so incredibly proud of her and how far she had come.

Felicity smiled as he pulled away from the kiss and stood up from her chair and wrapped her arms around his neck keeping him close as she stared into his eyes. She still felt like she was in one long dream somedays when she thought about the fact that her and Oliver were together and happy, she didn't ever really think that she was going to get this chance again.

"I love you Felicity, and I can't wait to be married to you either." Oliver said wrapping his arms around her waist and holding her close not wanting to let her get too far. Some might say that they were moving too fast, but he just couldn't wait any longer, he wanted nothing more than for them to finally get the chance at starting a life together.

Felicity smiled and leaned up giving him a quick and sweet kiss and laughing as she wiped the lipstick off of his lips. She thought about everything that both of them had to go through in order to get there and really couldn't believe that they had made it this far. "I love you too, more than you can even imagine."

Her life seemed like a world wind fairy tale sometimes, after losing nearly everything in her life and nearly dying on more than one occasion she somehow turned her life around. She had her dream job and her career was going amazing, she now had a fiancée that she wouldn't trade for anything, and she had a group of friends and family that supported her in every way.

If she told her 18 year old self how her life would turn out, she would have laughed in her face not believing a single word; back then she didn't ever think that she would get to a place in her life that she would be truly happy, but she was. After everything she had been through it felt like she was finally getting her happily ever after

For once in her life she couldn't be more ecstatic for the future and what was in store for her.

**AN/ Well this story has finally come to a close. I hope that you enjoyed reading this story just as much as I enjoyed writing it. This was my first multi-chapter fanfiction ever and I couldn't be prouder of the way that it had turned out. This story is my baby and I hope you found some spark of joy in it.**

**Let me know your final thought on the ending and everything I would love to hear anyone's thoughts. **

**As always come and find me on Tumblr [Pr0fessi0nal-Fangurl] and chat with me.**


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